You can do everything right that people taught you. But you only start living when you make mistakes, fuck up, and find the places where you belong, and a picture perfect life doesn't bring you happiness; it's rather shallow and lonely.
That paired with the realization that my mental disabilities will make me lonely for the rest of my life and there's only so much I can do about it without having breakdowns.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life."
It's easy to do when we're all surrounded constantly by the paradox of money meaning nothing at all, but also the only material thing that dictates the action and activity of everything past and future
Biggest Pill I've had to swallow is that no matter much I love programming and will continue my computer hobbies for life. I will never make a profession out of it. I'm slowly coping with the fact that all my work will ultimately influence very nearly nothing at all...
On the other hand I have found a lot of people who turn the hobby they love into a business and it ruins the joy they found in their hobby.
That is certainly a bright side of the matter isn't it. Maybe keeping the joy alive is more critical than the bread?
I'm not here to influence things. I was in the thick of it for a bit, but I'm here now.
I love coding. I get to do it for money. It allows me a nice little apartment in a nice environment and with my wife chipping in her half we're a little insulated from financial strife. A little.
That's it. I code, I eat food and live with a beautiful girl who seems to care for me, and we occasionally get to go see family or a strange new place. I'm flying as close to the sun as I dare.
Find peace in your existence and enjoy what you're doing, whether programming is the bread or it's the butter. It's all a means to an end of doing something you love for what little time we have here.
Since no one on here will ever know me…
It’s accepting that I have autism and that having autism is ok. My mom used “autistic” as an insult against me, the first time I remember was from age 5 as an attempt to control behavior she saw as undesirable. Running circles outside until I wore the grass out and flapping my hands about was something I needed to feel ashamed about according to her. And so I hid that and everything else she criticized so hard that I couldn’t accept that the reason I struggled so hard with a lot of things in my life wasn’t because I was just some innate failure but because I had an unaddressed condition that was she not only refused to help with but actively made worse.
To this day I still cannot do things like make eye contact, or tolerate being touched. But I’ve learned to not only accept myself for who I am, but accept that little boy who never understood why his own mother never seemed to be able to love him.
I have to force myself to make eye contact when talking. I usually look away when talking, it helps me think. Some people think you aren't being sincere but oh well.
That no matter how often people said it as a kid, I'm not capable of anything I put my mind to. I'm not smart, I'm very very mediocre at best, and my interests don't align with my capabilities so my only options for work are things I don't generally want to do.
I only really had 2 goals in life, a third developed later, and I've failed at all if them. I wanted to be in a loving relationship (going on 40 and have been single for the last decade), to not be the person who hates going to their job every day, and eventually I started wanting to own a home because I found that I need space for the hobbies I enjoyed. It's a Sinatra song right, 0 out of 3 ain't bad? Something like that... Lol
Ugh, I hate the lie we've promoted for decades that "you can be anything!" and "you're all special!". No, we can't all be anything we want. I'll never be a rock star, I'll never be a great athlete, etc. And we aren't all special, we are more alike than we may care to admit.
Your specific issues may be due to unrealistic expectations. Do you hate jobs in general due to being on a schedule all the time? Should you have your own business? Look at what you choose in other people, what you look for may need to change since it has a bad track record. Look at your own behavior too, are you self sabotaging? Do you have bad traits like a short temper? As far as a house that has so many variables like where you live may just be too expensive, need to look harder for smaller and older homes in your price range, etc.
As far as the job goes, I just meant that my interests are more aligned with scientific research/discovery but that I'm in no way shape or form a "scientist." I'm nowhere near smart enough for that. Other than that I do like fixing things, but I hate driving and I need a schedule. I hated being a service technician never knowing when the day would be over and having to get a call once I got home to go back out.
For the house, it's 100% the area... Houses that are basically twice burned down, glorified sheds, once selling for $60k USD back in 2016 are now $250k+ it's absolute insanity.
I agree, I'm not saying anyone should be put down for wanting to try something difficult but that they should be told of the odds of success. Maybe encourage them to put their effort into something more achievable. Everyone should be allowed to try of course, no one has good odds for becoming famous/successful but inevitably some people will be
Why won't you try your luck at love again? Buying a house is easier done with a partner who works too...
That's one part that's really killing me, not having the relationship makes not having the house pretty much guaranteed.
It's sorta complicated, but mostly I'm just not a desirable person and I live in an area that's predominantly really really old people. With my lack of education and the general state of the economy, moving away from my job never felt smart and because of where I live moving is really complicated. I can't get a new job first because the move would put to way too far for a commute so you're stuck in that "how can I get a place to live without a job, and how do I get a job without a place to live?" situation.
not a desirable person
This is one thing you need to resolve. People pick up on this and it is self-sabotage. I bet you judge yourself far more harshly than anyone else does and things you think are bad about yourself no one even pays attention too.
As far as the other issues lots of people have dealt with it. You obviously need to move and I'd study what job opportunities are possible out there. I'd keep an open mind about what jobs I could do too. Save up what money you can to get a new place. I suspect you don't have much stuff so the act of moving could be as easy as renting a u-haul. Jobs almost always will accommodate a new person if they need a few weeks to move if you tell them up front. Believe me, if I could do it anyone can.
how can I get a place to live without a job, and how do I get a job without a place to live?" situation.
as someone who went through this exact situation, I decided to just say "fuck it" and kinda threw myself out into the universe, with the understanding that if I failed the landing I was probably just going to die. I was homeless for a little bit, and the first job I had was a lot shittier than anything I'd worked before, but it is possible. The biggest issue I'd say is the lack of education; however, my partner at the time only had a high school diploma and was able to leverage his service industry experience to quickly find work.
Yes, at a certain point you have to pull the trigger. I've found that my fear of possible problems has been far greater than reality and I was always able to find a way around them and progress. Blind faith in yourself, even if you have to pretend, really helps. lol
I'm sorry you're in such circumstances, yeah, it's kinda shit... But hopefully you're wrong about being undesirable and someone good and not too old comes along! Maybe it could start online? Anyway, sorry again, God bless you.
No worries, thanks for the kind words! Hope you have a great weekend! :)
I only exist to care for the people I love, and without them I have nothing else to organize my life around.
That I didn't know who I was. My lack of self awareness hampered my growth trajectory, my maturity, and relationships. My first failed marriage was a pinnacle of this issue. Though, fast forward 5 years, I'm a vastly different person, know who I am and what I want and where I want to end up. I feel guilty for my ex wife and the impact I had on them. I hope they're happier where ever they may be.
For me it was the discovery that my parents were shitty people on the narcissism spectrum. I had no clue, because when you grow up in a toxic environment, it's your "normal" and all you know.
That not only am I not a good person, it's mostly impossible for a person to be truly good. Even knowing what good is, in its entirety, is nigh impossible. The best that can be done isn't necessarily within my energy and/or skill.
There are wrongs that cannot meaningfully be righted.
Doing a little good some of the time is the most I can ever aspire to.
The definition of what is "good" changes depending on the person, the situation, etc. It is like defining what is "perfect".
So what happens when two people in the same or similar situation define the same action, one defines it as good, the other as evil? It's pretty easy to construct a situation where each person feels morally justified in killing the other.
That doesn't seem like a very useful morality.
I didn't say it was a moral system, I never even used the word, it is human psychology and philosophy. Even in your example I could say "This was was to liberate X" then someone else says "That war killed so many civilians!". Someone fires a bunch of people to save the rest from losing their jobs, the fired people say it was bad, the others it was good. Same event, two views. You can have "Hot summers are perfect", the next person hates them.
None of my hobbies will last as long as I want and thats okay
ADHD, my hobby is collecting hobbies.
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