I'm bad at parrying bit would like to become a bit better at it too improve as a gamer. However, there's a resource issue that I often see in games (especially f/tps, not talking about fighting games): both dodge and parry usually cost something like stamina consumption. The only way to regain stamina while defending is actually to avoid hits by good placement but without dodging / dashing. It's slower, more difficult but really satisfying because you have enough stamina to deal great damage at any time. It is usually my way of handling combats.

this made me realize I don't give a fuck about video games anymore

I like parrying in RPGs. Forcing item use is stupid, since the item use is inevitable. It adds a layer of skill to combat, making it something other than menu with cursor. Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door and Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 are phenomenal examples. I do not like it in real-time games, unless it's a core mechanic. The point is it should be a core mechanic, and not something thrown in because other games are doing it.

In my two examples, parrying is no different from blocking/dodging. The difference is simply tighter timing with a higher risk. This is fine, since this is the only thing that's going on. If it's real time, however, I now have this list of things to worry about--enemy positions, my own position, my health, the surrounding environment, being literally pelted with attacks. It's fine in real life, but with a controller? Hell no.

Expedition 33 is great because it's dead simple--a set of dodges and blocks, with a limited move set which just uses face buttons and the triggers, in contrast to Final Fantasy's dozens and dozens of spells. The simpler a game is, the better. See Celeste. It has move, jump, climb, dash. VVVVVV is even simpler--move and flip. Tetris is move and rotate. Paper Mario is just timing with button prompts. Undertale is just a standard RPG, but you move a soul to collect friendliness pellets. Even Horizon is relatively straightforward, with basic movement, aiming, shooting, and a variety of weapons which utilise these mechanics in different ways.

Occam's razor.

give me parry or give me death. If I can't run around in my loincloth and boots with a parry tool and a stick and beat the game with timing alone I'd rather die.

Sounds like someone is a bit salty they can't immediately get the timing right in Expedition 33 and it's reminding them of all the other times they've sucked. Get good, loser.

Third Strike parry is peak gaming. I also enjoy Street Fighter 6 parry. However, my brain feels real good landing them in Third Strike

LOL, get good.