I've actually never ridden a road bike, but I can say that I can fairly easily hold my own on my 2017 CX bike in a group ride with road cyclists on much newer and more expensive bikes. I'm sure it doesn't feel quite as zoomy in direct comparison, but in my experience that's a very relative thing.

Anecdotally, I swapped my trusty 33mm Schwalbe X One Speeds over to 40mm G One Allrounds last year, and for a few days the bike felt sluggish to me. But not only did that feeling evaporate very quickly; my reason for swapping - spongy steering on slightly deeper gravel and generally loose surfaces - went away and I can ride at least as fast or faster and safer on every surface as a result. And most of those surfaces my road cyclist friends can't even dream of touching.

There's ever more differentiation in gravel bikes. Some tuned for stiffness and speed, essentially road bikes with wider rims; others for carry capacity and comfort over long distances. I lean towards the speedy stiffness and higher tire pressures (my gravel friends mock me for it.)

While I'd certainly try a proper road bike when the opportunity arises, the choice is ultimately a very simple one for me: Whenever I'm out with road cyclists, I feel cramped by the routes that are simply off limit to the group and that would be very much on (as in: bring it!) for me. My bike can handle whatever comes my way, and the only limiting factors to speed are either my legs or my inner chicken.

If the woods and more technical passages have no appeal at all for you it's probably not a good fit, but if they do even a little (and I think they do, even if just a little), I think there's a wonderful world out there for you waiting to be explored. My heavily biased advice: Suck it up and get a cross/gravel bike. You might surprise yourself putting on 45mms one day and loving every minute.

Thanks for the opportunity to vent my love for gravel bikes.

"gravel bike" has been a widening category over the last few years. Some are basically road bikes with extra clearance (further confused by road bikes going that route too) all the way to essentially drop-bar hardtail mtbs. I'm pretty sure you would find a bike with the "gravel" label that's pretty aggressive while still being somewhat off-road capable. If you keep a second wheel set around, you can even convert it to a quasi road bike pretty easily.

I started out as a mountain biking kid with my dad, but pretty much exclusively road bike now. To be honest, I routinely go over grass and dirt on my road bike for shortcuts, as long as you're careful it's fine. Especially if you throw slightly more robust tires on them and it's more the occasion than the rule I wouldn't worry about it.

I picked up a Devinci St Tropez Hybrid, decades back, for commuting. If I recall it may have had 700c x 35 on it when I got it, but I had put narrower on later for more street riding, and kept a set of winter studded knobby tires for snow and mud rides. Steering geometry is steep enough/less trail than some casual bikes. It makes riding no hands on the street (when you want to rest your hands) kind of an unstable situation, as it wanta to turn at the slightest road or body change. But overall It's been a fun bike.

Gravel bikes are not "zoomy" because they have bigger tires.