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Please Wake up. (lemmy.ohaa.xyz)
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[-] ryan@the.coolest.zone 161 points 11 months ago

Dear Medical Team:

Please send me an up-to-date itemized medical bill. If possible, coordinate with my family on my current amount of medical debt and send that across as well. This will help me determine whether or not I even want to wake up.

Yours sleepily,
comatose ryan

[-] ericbomb@lemmy.world 94 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Don't worry, medical care is now government funded in the real world! The taxes you paid prior to falling into a coma covered you.

This is in no way a ploy to get you to wake up so we can put you in the medical work camp because you owe us 17 million dollars.

With love, Kind and gentle Medical industries inc*

*A fully owned subsidy of Nestlé

[-] Lichtblitz@discuss.tchncs.de 43 points 11 months ago

The horror lies in the final sentence

[-] ericbomb@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

Honestly the second sentence may be redundant given how hard the last one hits thinking about it now.

But people like it so it will stay the way it is!

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 5 points 11 months ago

Amazon is already venturing into the medical field.

[-] bobby_hill@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Got that Amazon Prime Healthcare+ subscription: All ambulance rides are free, but the subscription costs you $999 per month

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[-] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 2 points 11 months ago

17 ~~m~~billion dollars

[-] CoderKat@lemm.ee 3 points 11 months ago

I don't understand. Itemized medical bill? Do they make you pay for healthcare in your dream world?

[-] Dagnet@lemmy.world 51 points 11 months ago

Just 5 more mins

[-] dipshit@lemmy.world 51 points 11 months ago
[-] gjoel@lemmy.ml 3 points 11 months ago

On second thought, nevrmind.

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[-] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 50 points 11 months ago

I know im not dreaming because if I were, i would be constantly being stuffed by a huge dong every hour.

[-] Acters@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

Who says that you can't make your dreams reality?

[-] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

God, apparently

[-] UnrepententProcrastinator@lemmy.ca 2 points 11 months ago
[-] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

Not after some practice

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 42 points 11 months ago

I asked to be woken up when September ends. It's October 10th. You're late.

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[-] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 38 points 11 months ago

I fuckin wish this was all a dream

[-] ivanafterall@kbin.social 31 points 11 months ago

No repercussions for my actions, you say?

[-] nnjethro@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

The dream has all the same repercussions within, unless you're able to wake up... but you can't wake up.

[-] ivanafterall@kbin.social 8 points 11 months ago

Don't tell me how to dream!

[-] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 11 months ago

Implying you're rich enough that they would keep the life support equipment plugged in for 20 years. It's definitely a trick of some kind. Maybe there are limited slots in the Matrix and someone wants to kick you out so it can be their turn.

[-] doom_and_gloom@lemmy.ml 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)
[-] pfjarschel@lemmy.world 21 points 11 months ago

Why is this post just a black picture?

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 18 points 11 months ago

Depends, is Harambe still alive in your world? If not, no deal.

[-] drbluefall@toast.ooo 18 points 11 months ago

...nah I'm good

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 17 points 11 months ago

This explains a lot. I don't know how to wake up though, and I'm unwilling to leave a solid life that I've built here in my dream to enter some reality where I've been asleep for 20 years, will have massive health issues, and will certainly be destitute and broke. So if you're reading this, I'm doing well. Thanks for the concern, but I'm going to stay asleep. Cheers!

[-] aeki@slrpnk.net 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I struggle with mental health issues and a lot of the time I think I'm not okay at all and want to escape myself.

Then a scenario like this comes up and I'm surprised to find out I wouldn't want to wake up? Even if it's only been a few weeks in "real life", and I'd have no long term sequela from the coma, I'd still want to stay.

Good sign I guess?

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 2 points 11 months ago

It's a sign that you recognize the good things in your life, even when faced with challenges. So yeah, good sign!

[-] XTornado@lemmy.ml 16 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Nah thanks... this dream is crazy I have to see how it ends... so many new plots every week.

[-] Oha@lemmy.ohaa.xyz 6 points 11 months ago

please wake up.

[-] MargotRobbie@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago

Eh, I prefer the soft drink version.

[-] LukeMedia@lemm.ee 7 points 11 months ago

Where can I buy this, Margot Robbie?

[-] MargotRobbie@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

Omega Mart (it's an art installation disguised as a grocery store filled with weird products in Las Vegas, pretty cool place.)

[-] thezeesystem@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago

Been trying for 20 years, this world is shit. Just pull the plug. The trauma I have here is way to extreme.

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 2 points 11 months ago

If Miles O'Brien can endure it, then so can you.

[-] Scrof@sopuli.xyz 12 points 11 months ago

I swear if you don't pull the damn plug I'll sue your asses to hell and back.

[-] testuserpleaseupvote@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

So that explains why the most valuable companies have been doing the same thing over and over for 20 years with small tweaks. My dream-self is not that creative.

[-] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 11 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I'm so tempted to try to wake up, but I'd lose my fucking mind if I woke up suddenly without my wife and daughter. Pull the plug.

[-] bobby_hill@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

⬆️ this right here. Y'all go on without me; I'm having a good dream.

[-] ristoril_zip@lemmy.zip 9 points 11 months ago

Thanks for reaching out. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

[-] Sabata11792@kbin.social 8 points 11 months ago

You wont fool me twice, I know why I left.

[-] Pinklink@lemm.ee 7 points 11 months ago

Wake me up when September ends

[-] Cqrd@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 11 months ago
[-] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

Bruh hit tht snooze button for 1 year

[-] Moneo@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Reminds me of 'The Sting' Futurama episode.

[-] piecat@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago
[-] samus12345@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.

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[-] clothes@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

I love this.

[-] mojo@lemm.ee 4 points 11 months ago

Why would I want to do that, I'm in this dream for a reason

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this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2023
587 points (92.7% liked)

internet funeral

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