589
Please Wake up. (lemmy.ohaa.xyz)
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[-] ryan@the.coolest.zone 163 points 2 years ago

Dear Medical Team:

Please send me an up-to-date itemized medical bill. If possible, coordinate with my family on my current amount of medical debt and send that across as well. This will help me determine whether or not I even want to wake up.

Yours sleepily,
comatose ryan

[-] ericbomb@lemmy.world 96 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Don't worry, medical care is now government funded in the real world! The taxes you paid prior to falling into a coma covered you.

This is in no way a ploy to get you to wake up so we can put you in the medical work camp because you owe us 17 million dollars.

With love, Kind and gentle Medical industries inc*

*A fully owned subsidy of Nestlé

[-] Lichtblitz@discuss.tchncs.de 44 points 2 years ago

The horror lies in the final sentence

[-] ericbomb@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

Honestly the second sentence may be redundant given how hard the last one hits thinking about it now.

But people like it so it will stay the way it is!

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 years ago

Amazon is already venturing into the medical field.

[-] bobby_hill@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Got that Amazon Prime Healthcare+ subscription: All ambulance rides are free, but the subscription costs you $999 per month

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[-] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 years ago

17 ~~m~~billion dollars

[-] CoderKat@lemm.ee 3 points 2 years ago

I don't understand. Itemized medical bill? Do they make you pay for healthcare in your dream world?

[-] Dagnet@lemmy.world 52 points 2 years ago

Just 5 more mins

[-] dipshit@lemmy.world 52 points 2 years ago
[-] gjoel@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 years ago

On second thought, nevrmind.

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[-] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 50 points 2 years ago

I know im not dreaming because if I were, i would be constantly being stuffed by a huge dong every hour.

[-] Acters@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Who says that you can't make your dreams reality?

[-] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

God, apparently

[-] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Not after some practice

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 43 points 2 years ago

I asked to be woken up when September ends. It's October 10th. You're late.

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[-] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 39 points 2 years ago

I fuckin wish this was all a dream

[-] ivanafterall@kbin.social 32 points 2 years ago

No repercussions for my actions, you say?

[-] nnjethro@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

The dream has all the same repercussions within, unless you're able to wake up... but you can't wake up.

[-] ivanafterall@kbin.social 8 points 2 years ago

Don't tell me how to dream!

[-] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 2 years ago

Implying you're rich enough that they would keep the life support equipment plugged in for 20 years. It's definitely a trick of some kind. Maybe there are limited slots in the Matrix and someone wants to kick you out so it can be their turn.

[-] doom_and_gloom@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
[-] pfjarschel@lemmy.world 21 points 2 years ago

Why is this post just a black picture?

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

Depends, is Harambe still alive in your world? If not, no deal.

[-] drbluefall@toast.ooo 18 points 2 years ago

...nah I'm good

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 17 points 2 years ago

This explains a lot. I don't know how to wake up though, and I'm unwilling to leave a solid life that I've built here in my dream to enter some reality where I've been asleep for 20 years, will have massive health issues, and will certainly be destitute and broke. So if you're reading this, I'm doing well. Thanks for the concern, but I'm going to stay asleep. Cheers!

[-] aeki@slrpnk.net 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I struggle with mental health issues and a lot of the time I think I'm not okay at all and want to escape myself.

Then a scenario like this comes up and I'm surprised to find out I wouldn't want to wake up? Even if it's only been a few weeks in "real life", and I'd have no long term sequela from the coma, I'd still want to stay.

Good sign I guess?

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 years ago

It's a sign that you recognize the good things in your life, even when faced with challenges. So yeah, good sign!

[-] XTornado@lemmy.ml 16 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Nah thanks... this dream is crazy I have to see how it ends... so many new plots every week.

[-] Oha@lemmy.ohaa.xyz 6 points 2 years ago

please wake up.

[-] MargotRobbie@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago

Eh, I prefer the soft drink version.

[-] LukeMedia@lemm.ee 7 points 2 years ago

Where can I buy this, Margot Robbie?

[-] MargotRobbie@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

Omega Mart (it's an art installation disguised as a grocery store filled with weird products in Las Vegas, pretty cool place.)

[-] thezeesystem@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago

Been trying for 20 years, this world is shit. Just pull the plug. The trauma I have here is way to extreme.

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 years ago

If Miles O'Brien can endure it, then so can you.

[-] Scrof@sopuli.xyz 12 points 2 years ago

I swear if you don't pull the damn plug I'll sue your asses to hell and back.

[-] testuserpleaseupvote@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

So that explains why the most valuable companies have been doing the same thing over and over for 20 years with small tweaks. My dream-self is not that creative.

[-] Stalinwolf@lemmy.ca 11 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I'm so tempted to try to wake up, but I'd lose my fucking mind if I woke up suddenly without my wife and daughter. Pull the plug.

[-] bobby_hill@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

⬆️ this right here. Y'all go on without me; I'm having a good dream.

[-] ristoril_zip@lemmy.zip 9 points 2 years ago

Thanks for reaching out. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

[-] Sabata11792@kbin.social 8 points 2 years ago

You wont fool me twice, I know why I left.

[-] Pinklink@lemm.ee 7 points 2 years ago

Wake me up when September ends

[-] Cqrd@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 years ago
[-] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Bruh hit tht snooze button for 1 year

[-] Moneo@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Reminds me of 'The Sting' Futurama episode.

[-] piecat@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago
[-] samus12345@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.

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[-] clothes@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

I love this.

[-] mojo@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

Why would I want to do that, I'm in this dream for a reason

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this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2023
589 points (92.7% liked)

internet funeral

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