I love posts that explicitly state that my loneliness is entirely my fault, and not an unprecedented societal issue affecting more people than ever before

try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence

Been doing that for 30 years. Is there another step?

It's way more than a sex issue. Getting laid is easy, if you only care about getting your dick wet. Making and keeping friends, especially meaningful friendships, is getting harder and harder. Anyone who reduces it down to "lol who cares about incels not getting laid" is being bad faith dismissive about a massive problem.

This is a pretty stupid take. Just stupid. Not much to add to this.

Much of my energy is spent trying to be an enjoyable presence and it god damn works as people seek my presence. Does this lead to sex? No, why would it?

Being an enjoyable presence in order to get sex makes absolutely no sense.

Sucks that men's issues are being treated as a joke or mischaracterized as something else and not important.

Male loneliness is about camaraderie. If it was about getting laid, then prostitution would solve it. Busting a nut isn't gonna fix a psychological problem facing the adult male population in modern western society and this shitty tumblr post isn't gonna either. Its down right perpetuating it. Now, some truth is there; COMPANIONSHIP (not not getting laid) is a wonderful thing and does help, but the root of the problem is societal.

Genuinely, who keeps posting shit like this on here? I keep seeing posts such as this one and it's honestly pushing me away from Lemmy. Why spend time on a platform that hates me? If being a man who didn't date (because of social anxiety, btw, not that you'd care, since clearly men are by default fascists, according to some comments here) is a sin, let us know on the front page, so that me and others like myself can avoid this place.

A lot of comments are, thankfully, calling this shitty behaviour out. But then I look at the post itself, which has 696 upvotes and 166 downvotes, and I'm like... I'm not wanted here.

I'm tired of this bullshit attitude. It contributes to the very issues it diminishes. Men are allowed to have problems without being incels.

Going anywhere in public to socializing is expensive as hell, third places are dead, and the primary way people meet potential SOs is through apps whose purpose isn't to make anyone happy but to extract maximum value from them.

There are people who are off the deep end, yes, but the answer isn't to attack them like this. That's never going to snap anyone out of it, and there really are huge societal problems that are resulting in people withdrawing, which is obviously bad for their mental health.

Mandatory "If you're homeless just buy a house"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Jh0EN1De4Q

person who wrote this sounds like an insensitive asshole.

The problem is we live in a society pause for laugh track

Where men are told they have to get laid or their personhood is questionable and women are told they must never get laid or their personhood is questionable.

The result is that heterosexual men are frustrated, cisgender women everywhere are afraid of anything with a penis, and dating men as a transwomen is pretty fucking easy because men are tired and desperate.

Source: Am Transwoman

I mean, the answer is that it is both. Like, not having close friends sucks. And not getting laid sucks. And both are valid and legitimate things to complain about.

Like, honestly, the "skill issue" take is super toxic. It's basically the same as telling a poor person that not being rich is a skill issue. The lack of understanding and compassion for peoples' legitimate problems will only radicalize them further.

The Tumbler OP is 100% not a man, if they were they‘d know not getting laid as a man is very often not a personal skill issue. I know many young men who are conventionally attractive and emotionally mature who just kind of have lost interest in dating even though they generally want a relationship.

I totally understand that between job/school, social media biases, self-worth doubts and economic insecurities, the incentive to navigate through predatory dating apps and toxic left/right bubbles just to meet another insta reels addict is minimal.

Staying single however makes you neither bloom nor gloom, it‘s just okay. Which is something I‘ve learned not to complain about given the current state of the world. Maybe someday I‘ll reconsider…

Anecdotal, but I struggle with connecting with people in person. I try to do the 'be yourself' thing, the 'talk about what you like' malarkey, all that stuff. I have watched eyes glaze over and interest recede in real time simply because I answered, truthfully and wholly, the question of "what do you like to do?" To boil it down to two words that don't cover any specifics or explore any deeper aspects: experimental music. There are others, but that's the biggest hat I choose to wear.

So I've instead closed in on myself when I'm in public, especially at work. Don't speak unless spoken to, keep to myself, and just keep hands on the keyboard and eyes on the screen. And then I go home, to try to reach out to any of the local friends I do have - friends that love me and have told me, directly, often, that I'm a comforting and relaxing presence in their often chaotic and confusing lives - to try to gain a moment of in-person, face-to-face contact. Too busy, too far, they need space to take care of themselves. The last thing I, or anyone, wants is for me to be needy. I do not, and have never, faulted anyone for how they navigate their own slice of the shit pile called life they have to deal with.

But I'm living alone for the first time in my life through no choice of my own. Connecting to new people, whether it is just for friendship, or, even more unlikely, romantic endeavors, more often than not feels like talking to a brick. Not even a wall made of bricks - a singular, boring, uninspiring brick. They have no interest in what I am or am about, and I struggle to find any kind of connection to what they have to say.

So, I stay lonely. I know I'm the problem, but I don't want anyone else to help me deal with it.

It has nothing to do with getting laid.

I mean it also does mean the first thing tho no?