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when i first heard about the male loneliness epidemic i was like oh yeah close camaraderie and bonding between men is often discouraged in favor of competition or, if not discouraged, at least filtered through a lens of individualism that precludes deep connections. and then i learned what people meant by it (men arent getting laid) to which i say skill issue

to all the men out there not getting laid: try less hard to get laid and try more hard to be an enjoyable and relaxing presence

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[-] pjwestin@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago

OK, but...no? That's not what people are talking about with the male loneliness epidemic. They're talking about how an inability to connect with their peers on a more than superficial level, coupled with a lack of older male role models, are causing Gen Z and Millennial men to report extremely high levels of loneliness.

It's tangentially related to, "getting laid," as many of these men are driven towards misogynistic monosphere influencers who make sexual conquest a measure of self-worth, but that's a symptom of the problem, not the totality of it. Also, some people debate the existence of the loneliness epidemic altogether, but no one defines it as, "men aren't getting laid."

[-] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I think theres also more competition for people's attention than in previous generations, as well as increasing responsibilities as aging population and wealth disparity increased in proportion.

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[-] Nangijala@feddit.dk 37 points 1 day ago

I think it is funny how you post this, then in the comments deny that this is the type of opinion someone like you, a proud leftist feminist have, and that it is actually most men who think like this.

depends on your circles. in feminist and leftist circles, it usually means the first but most men outside of those circles use it just to mean “im not getting the dates i am ENTITLED to 😡"

If that is the case, why did you make this post? What was the purpose of your post if this isn't how you think about lonely men? What did you want to achieve with it? I can tell you, that you're not going achieve anything positive.

I assume you'd like to be treated with respect and compassion yourself since you have that blåhaj attached to you. That respect and compassion is a two way street.

The fact that SOME men feel entitled to women doesn't mean that most men think or feel like that. The loneliness many men (and women for that matter) feel is very real and it is a far bigger and more complex issues than just "lawl, can't get laid".

I personally know what it is like to be mistreated by very bad men. It left deep scars on me that I have to carry for life. However, I promised myself that I would not become a man hater back when I was going through my trauma. I refused to let a couple of asshole determine how I would meet the world and the men in it. It would be unfair to those who had never done a thing to me and it would be unfair to myself because I was better than that.

You too are better than this and you either have to start treat all people with respect and compassion if you want the same in return or you need to own that it is in fact not "most men" who think like this, it is you who think like this. Stand by your convictions and own them or change course because you know that what you're putting out into the world right now is ugly and reductive.

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[-] angelmountain@feddit.nl 28 points 1 day ago

I am in a relationship, but also lonely. I would like someone to share relationship-problems with for when they occur every once in a while. But it's hard.

Don't believe all the crap you see on TikTok and talk to actual people about their problems. Please.

[-] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

Lemmy's relationship advice would be "have you downloaded linux?" Instead of reddits "divorce them."

To be fair. Most relationships are so contextual actual advice from internet people can be hard.

Good luck bb. I got lucky and found a great communicator. Literally first time a relationship hasn't felt like pulling teeth. Actual love instead of transactional. But it all started with communication. With my oddities, with theirs.

[-] hex@programming.dev 7 points 1 day ago

Please don't isolate yourself to your partner only
You need friends

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[-] nibby@sh.itjust.works 50 points 1 day ago

I feel like this type of reply to the male loneliness epidemic (or y'know just the loneliness epidemic, since loneliness has been on the rise independent of gender) really does not give a shit about the people that experience loneliness by reducing them to the most horrible and loud of subset of them.

Sure, there are incels that will twist and turn every societal tragedy into why they are victims and deserve to keep hating women. But by listening to them and reducing the entire problem to hahaha, the women haters are getting what they deserve, you are just hurting everyone else.

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[-] pyre@lemmy.world 27 points 1 day ago

no, make loneliness epidemic is exactly what's described in the first post. societal norms mostly hinder men from forming meaningful friendships with other men, and women as well. they're discouraged from expressing feelings (maybe other than aggressive ones) and being vulnerable. i don't know how you can form any relationships without doing either. and turns out you really can't. hence a lot of men feel lonely.

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[-] Quexotic@infosec.pub 13 points 1 day ago

Funny. I always thought it was a camaraderie thing because I'm married. That definitely makes a lot of sense though because young men are becoming more right-wing and most women do not like that so it seems like that would be a big hurdle and maybe they just need to figure their shit out.

[-] imetators@lemmy.dbzer0.com 42 points 1 day ago

Haha! Hey, look! Men expressing feelings in comments and getting attacked by alphas and women for doing so! Next post on askmen - "Why are men so closed in and do not share their feelings?"

Maybe some are making it about getting laid, but overwhelmingly most men struggling with it have completely different reasons for why it is happening, in many cases outside of their power.

[-] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 67 points 1 day ago

That isn't what people mean by it. Loneliness means loneliness.

Imagine what would happen if somebody said this about women. Are you lonely, ladies? Have you tried being enjoyable and relaxing? And you should smile more!

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[-] starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works 28 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Semi related but it's actually so irritating how I have to go through life where my value as a human being is decided by how much money I make, how many girls I get, how successful I am when I could not care less about any of that, but I will get judged severely for it if anyone "finds out" that I'm not successful in... things I don't care about...

Like why is that my value to people? I don't want to have kids with you, you don't have to live my life, if it's fun and rewarding being around me why is that not enough? It seeps in even to progressive speech where people will say "clearly he gets no women" like that decides their value as a person. Very cringe. Also don't forget to downvote for minimizing male loneliness as men can't get women for the 9999th time.

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[-] TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com 17 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

is it ok if i don't judge my sense of manhood by the "getting laid" part ?

i'm not into judging womanhood by using male anything, and i don't see why the other way makes any more sense.

[-] Tattorack@lemmy.world 64 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Well this is just... Wrong. The "loneliness epidemic" doesn't just have to do with getting laid. What an absurd take.

Having sex is just a part of it, because lo and behold sex is a healthy and normal part of the human biological process.

However, ask a man what it's like trying to make friends. Or if they made any new friends as of late... Or in the past 5 years. Yes, just friends, not sexual partners.

You'll find a lot of guys past the school phase and into the work/career phase haven't made any new friends. If you're a man with a career then congrats! You probably have money. But no real time to make new friends, get back in touch with old friends, or find someone to date. If you're a man with work, but not a career, you're probably broke most of the time. Too broke to go or do anything.

Even men in relationships, having families, can suffer from loneliness. Yeah, you got a wife, abd maybe a kid... but you still need friends!

An issue with this loneliness problem is that it's not taken seriously, and dismissing it as "Oh it's just a sex thing. Git gud." is exactly that. Not difficult to see how something like the so-called "manosphere" can swoop in; religions, cults, and similar find the lost, stuck, and disenfranchised easy prey.

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[-] pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 1 day ago

I'm with the second guy. I'm not going to doom scroll through useless dating apps and talking to every woman on the street. I'd rather do my own hobbies and do my own things so worst case scenario, I'm happy with what I'm doing, best case scenario I get a SO, or reasonable scenario is I make some friends.

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this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2025
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