“Meme”
And don't forget to teach all the kids how to fix an electrical socket, change a tire, build a computer.
That's why before any children visit my house, I take all of the sockets out of the walls and leave the bare wires dangling from the receptacle. You want to charge your phone? Take this outlet and screwdriver. Oh, got a bit fried? Lesson one: check the breaker before doing electrical work, idiot.
The survivors go directly to trade school.
Genuinely good advice.
I was on a trip with my partner (I am female, partner is male), and when we got off the train to go home, we had a flat tire.
He is not handy at all, and got super flustered and frustrated and was going to call AAA, and I was like umm.. you have a spare in here, right? Time to learn how to change a tire! Pop that trunk!
And so I made him do it, and walked him through how, and now he knows for next time, yay! I’ve also fixed his dishwasher, patched drywall, several other plumbing things, etc. only thing I wont touch for someone else is electric. I wont even do my own unless its a plug-in thing.
He, in turn, helped me with building my computer and doing various software stuff I could probably do on my own but didn’t know how.
So even if those skills aren’t super useful for you directly, you can and will use them with other people and you can pass on the knowledge. I mean I learned to change a tire as a very young adult, from an off-duty cop who stopped to help on the side of the highway. I knew the basics, but he showed me the full process. And since then I’ve taught two others, but haven’t needed it for myself.
I love this approach. Learn so, if nothing else, you can teach others.
One of my first boyfriends showed me how to build a computer, he walked me through how to pick parts and check features, but I decided what to buy. When I had everything he showed me how to put it together and get it working.
Ten years later a different boyfriend's laptop conked out. I got him his own set of tools and said "Time to learn how a computer works."
My rule (and one from a buddy at work) is that in order to be allowed to drive alone my kids are going to be expected to explain to me how to change a tire, check basic fluids, and replace a headlamp/brakelamp.
I don't care if they are physically capable of doing it (they are pretty petite girls and some people torque the hell out of lugbolts/nuts) but in case they ever require help from someone, they should be able to recognize if it is correctly done, or if the person is acting shady.
A similar thing happened with me and my sister. We were riding with our then boyfriends somewhere and got a flat. Niether of the guys knew how to change it. Both my sister and I did. It was late, and a cop stopped to check on us, a lady cop, she laughed when we told her what was going on, taught both of them right then and there how to change the tire.
I also helped a younger girl change her tire for her in a parking lot, she was really greatful she didn't have to call her dad.
This. So much this. And I want to break it down a bit and give my own experiences.
Years ago, I was teaching my then-girlfriend how to change her oil. We were broke 20-somethings, so paying for a place to do it was a costly option. She was kinda "meh" on the idea but went with it. The moment she really got into it, though, was when a random guy walked by and was so happy seeing a woman learning how to take care of cars and how he wished his girl would learn that. She got a sense of pride from it, and afterwards, when she realised she did it herself and saved a bunch of money... she was very proud of herself. Rightfully so.
A (former) friend of mine had bought her first house just a couple of years ago. (Kinda wish she hadn't because the house is in rough shape, but then again, the rental market is maybe in a worse shape... only time will tell). Anywho, I visit her, and she shows me the house. Not a single smoke detector anywhere in the house. No fire extinguishers anywhere. And in the living room, there was this fancy light fixture that was controlled by a dimmer switch... that was extremely hot. I think it was 6-8 bulbs (don't recall) and each was 120w incandescent lightbulb... all through a dimmer. Unsure when the previous owner did that, but that's a decent way to eventually cause a fire. The dimmer switch was literally hot to the touch. She knew it was hot, but didn't really think anything of it. I took us to Home Depot/Menards/Fleet Farm (I don't recall which exactly) and bought her a bunch of smoke detectors, extinguishers, and a new dimmer switch, which I installed, and we removed half the bulbs. Believe I also gave her a GFCI tester and told her to test every receptacle in the house.
Back in high school, I took a small engines course because I wanted to better know how engines really worked outside of a book. My station partner was a girl I knew (who lived a few houses down from me). One day I realised I was hogging everything (teardown and rebuild) and apologised and pushed everything to her. She pushed it back, said her brothers would do anything she ever needed, and she just wanted an easy course. (While this is not important to the story, it was a very unattractive move on her part, which did alter how I saw her, which, a few years later, when she asked me out, I rejected her.) Another course I took, which was an intro to welding, there was a girl who thought I'd do her work for her. I took to acetylene welding right away, which seemed to be the hardest for everyone else (hence why she picked me). Instead, I told her I'd help teach her, which she took me up on. The unbridled joy and pride when she got an A on her welding test... (a memory that leaves with me).
Final story, I was in college, and my roommate was a loser. He had no fucking idea how to cook. He tried to make Mac and Cheese once and didn't know how to boil water. He had no idea how the washer/dryer worked. His mom asked if I'd teach him. And I did try, but he had no plans to learn; he'd rather drive the 2-3 hours back home to make his mom do his laundry. Or if he couldn't make it that week, he'd just buy new clothes.
All kids should be taught all sorts of basic skills. And frankly, a bunch of adults could stand to learn things too. Example, do you know what an anode rod is? If not, I'm guessing you've been skipping out on maintenance. Do you know if your heater is gas/electric? And which one has a pilot light? Do you have a spare tire? Where is it? Have you ever used the jack on your car before? What are jumper cables and do you have some? How do they work and how do you use them correctly? Every adult should be able to answer all these questions and more.
God I wish I knew how to do any of that. Thankfully there's!dadforaminute@lemmy.world to teach me that now
Make mistakes in front of kids while doing this and show them it doesn't have to be a big deal if they "fail", as long as they're failing safely (slipping and skinning your knuckles while trying to remove a bolt on a car for example).
Society being agender-by-default, with gender being opt-in, would solve a lot of problems.
Here is what I would like to say of my experience. Not to snap at this, or provoke a battle-of-the-genders. Just to say what I've experienced.
I'm a recovered germophobe but I still do the cleaning because it's not even work to me, it's just a casual part of my routine. I cook all from fresh and every meal, because I lost like 58kg after getting over my ED. My mother was insanely (abusively) strict when we were just small kids, so we were trained to clean the dishes, put things away, blah blah.
But anyways after sobering up and lots of therapy, the bad parts (the obsessive parts) of all that went away, but doing that stuff had just become an 'easy' part of my life.
But here's the little thing I don't even want to say. Women hate that shit lol. Isn't that awful to say? I'm always taken aback when I'm scolded for doing the things women say guys should do more of ahha
I think at my age it's a lot of the entrenched gender roles biting all sides. Yes, please open up the gates to the domains women historically have controlled. Guys need to shape up in a general sense in these areas, but let us in plz!
I get what you're saying, but the attitudes are luckily changing and the amount of women who frown on men doing housework is rapidly shrinking.
My best memories are of helping my mother and grandmother cook Thanksgiving and Christmas meals!
Those sound like lovely memories!
Maybe I didn't help cook as much but was my job to clean after pretty much every dinner. Always thanked my Mum for the dinner nightly (regardless of my taste preferences). Pretty much set the table for dinners all regular night and cleaned up.
Larger dinners with company she let me stop cleaning after awhile but these days I'd gladly clean till the end, she made the best dinners.
As a child we always did the girls cook and boys clean method, which isn't as bad as it could be, but still leaves a lot to be desired. Instilled that boys need to be part of the work, but needlessly gender divided the work anyway 😐
That was it for us but realistically it was more A generational thing. Especially after divorces and stuff - all the aunts didn’t cooking, my uncle and my brothers and I did the setup/cleanup.
At one point they tried to get us do the cooking but I’m sorry but I’m flying in late the night before or early the morning of: that’s up to the locals. I can stop at the store to buy wine or something but cooking isn’t a realistic choice
But when we do Thanksgiving locally: if it’s my house I do most of it and my ex brings a couple sides. If it’s her house then vice versa
Overheard a conversation a few years back where a group of guys were talking about how they didn't know how to cook or do laundry because that was woman's work and how they expected their mothers and / or wives to do that for them. It was so pathetic how proud they were that they could not take care of themselves.
Weird. Imagine thinking like that. How old were they?
60? 20? Does it matter?
It's an entire culture that hasn't gone away.
My father is 65 and could not cook a Kraft dinner to save his own life. Forget laundry. His son (my brother) believes the same. Whenever he is single his apartment goes uncleaned, he exclusively eats take out, and his clothes are barely laundered.
It'll also make it so much easier to find a soulmate. Knowing one's way around a kitchen is a godsend for all.
For those who are talking about how this didn't happen in your household growing up, please remember you are 1, at best 2 generations removed from full on enforcement of gender roles suppressing things like this, many times physically enforced. So yea, maybe your dad was the one who baked the turkey or did the dishes, but you can be damn sure his dad didn't.
Lol, I'm a dude and, I remember when I was a kid, there was sometimes holiday stuff where the adults would make... the um... (okay I had to google it) it's called 湯圓 and I just mess with it while they were making it, I'd make weird shapes out of it lol. I don't think I actually helped, I'm just a troublemaker xD
I only know how to cook basic stuff, I suck at it. I know how to pan-fry eggs, but that's about it. I think I sort of know how to make a very basic 煎餅, from scratch, the mixing flour and egg and stuff, kinda forgot by now... but I have memories of doing it.
I kinda feel embarassed now that I talk about it. I have no life skills. (pls don't judge xD)
It's never too late to learn. Drag doesn't know any Chinese recipes, but bao should be pretty easy, and すひ is fun and simple, but still has technique to making it look nice. Heating up dried pasta and adding sauce is so easy drag already explained the recipe, so it's good for beginners.
My boys are now in their 30s. They always helped with the big family dinners. Even made a couple of them on their own for the rest of us. I do not understand how anyone in my age group, Gen X, could not have raised their sons to be completely independent but somehow, I'm in a minority.
I support teaching all kids what it takes to exist, regardless of gender.
I just popped in to say that back in the long ago, in my family, only so much help cleaning up was tolerated from men-folk before they were exiled to football on TV so the women could sit at the kitchen table and talk. Trying to assist in cooking was nearly impossible by anyone who wasn't my grandmother or the aunts that had been cleared for assistance.
I was taught to cook and clean by these same people, but it was clear that at big family meals like Thanksgiving that most of us were in the way if we tried to assist.
I guess what I'm saying is, for sure teach everyone all of it, but big meals might not be the best time. (depending on size of family and a variety of other factors).
At least clear your plate to the sink! :)
Dad taught us that there is no such thing as women's work ..... there's just work.
Once you live on your own or in a space without women, you quickly realize how no one cares who does the dishes, washes your clothes or mops your floor.
Unless of course you want to live like a wild animal.
All the uncles on my wives side of the family are so useless at Thanksgiving. They don't cook, clean, clear their plate or even make their own plate. Its one of the most infuriating thing I have ever seen.
So grateful to my mom for doing this with me
My son's a little young to help in the kitchen, but my wife can relax and play with him while my mom and I cook =)
My kid is 27, if he wants to make TG dinner, I'll eat it.
And make your kids help with stuff regardless of gender. So many people grow up without basic life skills bc parents didn't involve them in activities regardless of the gender-coded-ness of those activities.
My mom deliberately didn’t give us chores, because she grew up with a strict father who overwhelmed her with them.
It backfired. I entered adulthood not even knowing how to use a broom. My first boss thought it was hilarious.
Please, teach your kid these skills. However, don’t use them as punishment! That just makes them all the harder to do independently. I have an ex who associated cleaning with being punished and, as a result, never volunteered to do it. Every household chore fell on me.
Please, teach your kid these skills. However, don’t use them as punishment!
This is the line to walk. I've framed chores with my son as 'personal responsibility'.
While at 12 he still struggles with the broom (I'll let him hand vac if that's what he prefers), he knows how to do his own laundry and cleans his bathroom himself often enough too. Chores are a part of living, do your part, I say. I grew up the eldest daughter of a home with no mother, everything fell to me. But I'm not going to ricochet that back and have my son be useless. It's a balance, to be helpful and responsible, this is the goal.
The most common cooking task is cutting stuff which makes me feel pretty manly
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