Desire is a sexual thing. Loving someone is a commitment and investment thing.

I have been in love with my wife for decades and would never step out on her, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate that really sexy chick at the beach..

So no, for me.

I have.

I am in my mid-30s, and I never knew that I could feel love that deep until last summer. I'd never felt as connected to another human being before in my life.

Looking back on previous relationships where "I love you" was exchanged (and genuine) made me realize how blind I'd been to a different, much deeper, level of connection. Thinking about how my most recent ex pushed me into 6 months of depression when she left seemed laughable. Why did I care so much about HER back then?

I'd previously thought the idea of love at first sight was just infatuation mislabeled. A short term obsession that other people believe to be more than that – maybe after consuming too many rom coms and fairy tales. I thought that real love was something only cultivated over time through a combination of attraction, common ground, proximity, and open communication.

While I still believe that the latter is true, those factors alone could never explain what I felt last summer. I'd never experienced a connection where both parties think the same way, experience the world the same way, and somehow naturally understand each other without having to speak because they both feel the world the same way. It was reinforced by open communication, time together, and attraction; but the connection itself was more fundamental. We both felt it within a day or so of meeting each other and craved it. Time together simply reinforced that it was real.

I don't subscribe to this. I am happily married to my husband but understand love is very dynamic and monogamy isn't for everyone. There's also polyamory, asexuals, etc.

On a more personal level, I don't desire anyone else and neither does my husband but we have a very healthy relationship with no jealousy. We are both secure and discuss attractability of others we sometimes find in passing (I.e. we witnessed a guy full sprint laps around us while on vacation walking around botanical gardens. He was a beast). If someone good looking, charismatic, or intelligent, that is just our perception of them.

I can appreciate beautiful/charming women when I meet them, and sometimes I even get flustered talking to them. But I wouldn't say I desire them. My girlfriend is peak woman IMO, the perfect partner for me. As long as she's with me then I don't need another person in that way.

That said, I've absolutely been in relationships in the past where I desired others and wondered what it would be like to be with someone else.