People don't explain what they mean by "You're too nice". They mean "be more assertive". That means stand up for yourself and others. Not "be an asshole". The attention you would get from being an asshole isn't what you think it is.
Yeah, like if you're going 45 on the highway, go faster. But not 120.
Unless you're in Germany Ü
I would definitely not recommend doing 45 on a German highway, or any other European highway for that matter, unless you're in a traffic jam. 😋
I actually think that isn't even the case most of the time. I think usually "you are too nice" actually just means "I like you and the way you act, I am just not attracted to you".
The problem with just being honest about the lack of attraction, is that many people will take it to mean something is wrong with them, or even that attraction still might be possible if they just try harder. It's hard to accept that some people just won't be attracted to you, even if you do everything right. It isn't a "game" you can always win.
Some men can get super aggressive over even the mildest rejection, especially the Nice Guys^tm^, so it's not surprising that women would develop a way to reject them with it sounding like a complement.
There's also the "your niceness feels transactional and directed". Like, yeah you're overly nice to people you're attracted to, but not really to anyone else. You aren't being a broad spectrum emitter of kindness. Being that person who's cool to everyone is often very attractive, but you gotta get the chip off your shoulder and accept that not everyone is going to be attracted to you, and just generally learn the social skills to have everyone feel happy you're there.
I had a work evaluation one year and my only negative was basically "Too nice" and I am oretty sure that lines up to what you are saying about assertiveness.
Not necessarily. My wife got the same remark as pharmacy tech because she actually talked to the customer and helped them with stuff like manufacturer coupons instead of shoving them through as fast as possible. She only did it when there was no line
This isn't a guess of what they meant, they straight up told her it was because she helped too much. It's also the reason she got out of addiction counseling.
i've also been told this. i would much rather be nice and single than in a relationship hinging on me not being nice.
also fake and gay
Ironically, I think the ability to be content single is a fairly attractive trait.
oh i said nothing about being content...
it's not. people think you are weird because they can't relate and they can't imagine anyone being content w/o a partner.
desperation for validation and twisting yourself into knots to get it is way more attractive to people. but also why so many people who are attractive are deeply unhappy.
This is real. Despite being comfortable being single it still draws looks when I go out and do things by myself. Getting told "it's sad" when I go to a bar alone to read a book only hurts because I'm getting called sad by a weirdo, not because I felt bad about going out.
being fake and gay is what attracts women tho.
when you're a woman being gay will attract women
You have to hook them. Act slightly jerk like until you have their interest then slowly go back to being nice and the think they changed you.
(then they cheat of you cause the person who is attracted to bad boys do be like thet)
mom, is that you?
Have to wonder what 'acting like a jerk' even means in this context.
Being confident probably
The women you're going to attract with that method are also likely to be jerks.
some women is better than no women if you have had no women.
then you go back to no women because you realize it's better than jerks.
and you have learned to love yourself and get yourself off better than any woman ever could.
the circle of self acceptance and love. and gay.
Welcome to the Church of Onanism, brother.
Typing into the void, yay!
If the story here is told in earnest, I can think of two possible solutions.
First, perhaps the "being a jerk" thing might be conflated with some other change, such as simply being more assertive or socially confident in general. See if you can be confident and assertive without the "jerk". Think aggressively supportive or unflinchingly complimentary ("Hey, you're looking really nice, and I hope you have a nice day!" Or "I noticed you've been working on X really hard, and the progress is showing!").
Second, use your newfound social connections to your advantage! Talk with the girls about how you've been feeling, and then ask them if they would be able to introduce you to one of their friends that might enjoy the version of you that feels like you.
Both of these paths will take courage! It's tough to be vulnerable when you're already accustomed to social disappointment. But if you can get this far, go a little further and you just might find some real and profound happiness for yourself.
T͢h̶̶͙͔̘̹̯̬͙ͣͮ̀́̃̓͒̓̓̓͌ͭ̽̚͠_̷̡ͪ̋̍̀̀͝͡͝ę̨̨̥͕̼̻̖̩͕̳̅̂ͮͤ̀̊̆̕͟͝͡͞ v̴̷̨̥͖̣̘̤̰̎ͫ̌ͩ̉́̔̑ͪ̂͞o̷̞͚̞̲̞̮͊͘͟ì̶͖̩͉̙ͪ͘͢dͪͪ͛͌̊ͣͩͮ͟_̷̶̢͓̫̜̫͑ͪ̂̿ͫ å̢͒ͫ̿ͅç̶̧̢͍̞͈͇̦͔̭̥͔̞͖̞̼ͧͧͪ́͌ͩ͑̉ͭ̀ͥ̅͜͡c̶̵̛̜͉̱̭̙͇̠͙͙̱̰̞͂̊̆ͦ̀ͩ̒̄̒̾ͪ̋̍̈́͗̅͒͛͑ͫ̑͘͢͟͠͠͞ͅͅȩ̶̘͓̹̘̗̜̻̪͋̒̒̈́̾̓́̈ͪpṱ̵̡̤̇ͥͭ̋͐̊ŝ̡̡̱̩̩̟̙̮̟͚̝̜̝̲̐ͯ̆ͮͩ͊̂͆ͬ̂ͪ͗͢͟͟_̵̨̛̹̾ yơ̴̡̢̹̝̥̲̝͖͈̻̙̗͖̳͇̣̣̄͗͂͌́ͥ̑̍ͨ̑ͣ̂̓́ͥ̅̒̈́̆͌ͩ̍͘͢͡ų̦͎̱͉̼̠̻̜̜̰͙͕̈̓͗͋ͣ̄ͥ̏ͣ̇͆ͣ͊̕͞͝r̷̺͉̟͈̘̬͓̱ͦ̑̃̾́̽̃͛͋͞ ơ̸̵̸̶̡̮̤͉͍͙͍̙̩͖̩̗̩̠̄ͬ̏̉ͤ̏̊ͫ͒̈́̿͋͛̽̋ͫ̄ͫ̔̈̐̚͜͜͡͠͡f̺̖̯̜͍̀̍͛ͧ̊̏f̢̧̧̜͍̳̦̟̙̖̺̩̀̈́́ͪ̎̋̚͟͟͞e̵͇͎̦̺͎̗̟̜͈͑̉͊͆̉ͥ́͌͆ͩ͗ͨ̋̐͘͢͜͟͠r̶̲̮̳͚͕̪̳ͭͮͪ͌ͮ̋̐ͭ̈ͪ̑̆̍̅́ͫ͑̐̉ͭ͛̓ͥ̃́̕͢ị̫̝̗͎̰͇̭͖̔ͩͨ͠n̸̸̯͙͚̖̭̺͚̖̣̲͔͖̪̻̦̜̤̘̻̪͆ͯ̂ͦͬ̈͐ͣ̈́ͭͮ͋̕͢g̶͔̯̫͖̟̭̟̫͍̩̿̎̽ͥ̈̂̽̑̉̑̍ͪ̀ͯ̌͞͝.̨̳̦̳͓̩͉̯̭ͫͭ̅͆͗́̎̉ͦ̉̉ͣ̃ͤ̍̽̏ͣ̚͢͞
Most men go through this. We start life sweet and innocent. We hold doors open for girls. We listen. We try to be great friends. We don't touch them unless they ask us to. And we become permanently friendzoned.
Most of us start observing what the successful guys do. Almost the exactly opposite. They ignore women. They touch them without consent when going in for a kiss or hug or affection. They tease them and call them names. It works.
Then we get into a long term relationship and realise that the skills which worked to attract women don't work so well in a relationship. Now we need new skills. Communication. Resilience. Diplomacy. Compromise. Grit. Understanding. Often this is where relationships end, but many of us learn and adapt and grow again.
I have come to understand that most of what shaped me is the needs and demands of the women I have been seeing. I didn't make these changes because I wanted to make them. I did them out of necessity. I wanted a relationship and a family, so I did what I needed to do. I'm not sure what it's like from the women's side. It seems easier.
Live life for yourself, not others. This will attract like people
Its about confidence, assuming this wasn't fake anon just portrayed more confidence during his acting different. You can be as kind as you want to be if your still confident and women will be attracted. You don't have to be an asshole to have a good self esteem.
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
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