Colonel Mustard, in the observatory with a pipe wrench.

Don't care. I 'm running naked and drunk through the streets banging two pots together and shouting at the top of my lungs.

He killed himself, a brief moment of lucidity, no longer able to live with himself due to his sexually abusing minors. He decides to give a blow job to a shot gun, and paints the oval office with his fascist brains.

Like to see it roman style, the senate with a knife

Many suspected Luigi Mangioni, but it clearly was James Holden with Andúril through the loin in the Delta Quadrant; after the White-Gold Concordat yeeted him there.

We know who has motive.

Musk in the bedroom with a robot

A groyper who bothered to shoot some cans in his backyard for practice first.

We'd never know who, too many suspects.

It was a hamburder

Mario on the golf course with mushrooms

He choked on a glass of water