A man in DC was stuck in gridlocked traffic when another motorist walks up to his window and knocks on it. He says, "Hey it seems terrorists have taken over congress and demanded one billion dollars or they'll burn it down with everyone inside so I'm going car to car to take donations."

The driver replies, "Well about how much is everyone giving?"

The other man responds, "About a gallon."

Dear Canada,

How would YOU feel if I barged into your house and stocked your fridge with 6 packs and a rack of seasoned ribs, huh? Maybe do your dishes and laundry on the way out? Think YOU would like that? Might say fuck it and leave a thank you note on your kitchen counter.

See? Two can play this game, buddy!

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: Don’t threaten me with a good time, Canada.

This just reminds me of when a bunch of non-Americans made 9/11 jokes thinking it would offend us since it was a big tragedy, not knowing we make tons of 9/11 jokes all the time.

It's been over 200 years, the White House might be due for another Canadian 'makeover'...

Use a neutron bomb. I like the buildings and monuments and museums in DC.

Can we start a GoFundMe for that?

I'm in!

You're not gonna find the First Lady at Mar-a-Lago, she might accidentally see her not-yet-late husband there.

Can't tell if sarcasm