696

Why is this happening to me?! (startrek.website)

submitted 2 years ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website to c/microblogmemes@lemmy.world

57 comments fedilink hide all child comments

top 50 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[-] Brkdncr@sh.itjust.works 98 points 2 years ago

Vampires existed long before the church. They just have a brain disorder that gives them a seizure when they see straight right angles. Right angles don’t really exist in nature. Humans found out this and started making crosses. Humans created the church to maintain this knowledge during the vampires long hibernation periods of around 1000 years. (Credit to author Peter Watts “Blindside”)

[-] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 49 points 2 years ago

I loved Blindsight (the name of the book is not Blindside) but that was one of the most ridiculous paragraphs I've ever read.

The natural world is filled with right angles. Many rocks erode into perfect right angles because of their cleave points. Saplings grow at right angles to the ground. Branches of older trees are sometimes at perfect right angles to the trunk.

Anyone who has gone on a hike sees right angles everywhere. Vampires couldn't walk a kilometer without a seizure from naturally occuring right angles.

[-] gato@feddit.de 44 points 2 years ago

Brutalist architecture should be super effective against vampires.

Also IKEA furniture.

[-] dangblingus@lemmy.world 27 points 2 years ago

Bismuth would like a word.

[-] hswolf@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

came here to say that, also salt crystals

[-] shalafi@lemmy.world 21 points 2 years ago

Nah, vampires only hibernated a generation or two. Just long enough for prey populations to grow back to sustainable levels, and just long enough forget them and begin to scoff at grandma's crazy campfire tales.

Peter Watts - Blindsight

And yes, it's hard science fiction. With a vampire ship captain. Seriously.

Many versions free on the author's site. Give the prologue a spin.

https://rifters.com/real/Blindsight.htm#Prologue

[-] FeetinMashedPotatoes@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

Is this some JoJo lore or some shit?

[-] AnonStoleMyPants@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 years ago

Great book. Sequel is good too.

[-] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 69 points 2 years ago

This why I like the origin of vampires being Judas’ failed suicide attempt. Explains the silver allergy, too.

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 31 points 2 years ago

Please elaborate

[-] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 86 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I forget which movie it's from, but they said the first vampire was Judas. He tried to hang himself after he betrayed Jesus but just before he died the branch broke at sunset and he became a vampire.

Explains the blood - since he can't have communion - and the silver - because he sold Jesus out for silver talents (money) - and the hatred of lower-case t, and the aversion to sunlight.

[-] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 45 points 2 years ago

And the branch is the stake that kills them!?

[-] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 36 points 2 years ago

Yep!

Don't know where the garlic comes in, though

[-] FireTower@lemmy.world 58 points 2 years ago

JC served garlic bread at the last supper. It's the only way.

[-] Zehzin@lemmy.world 25 points 2 years ago

And this is my body, with little Caesars garlic butter sauce

[-] enki@lemm.ee 5 points 2 years ago

Papa John's or GTFO

[-] ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 32 points 2 years ago

He just hated it

[-] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 years ago

Reminds him of the Romans?

[-] bingbong@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 2 years ago

He's just a food snob

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 15 points 2 years ago

Ooh, I like this

[-] Nerdybynature@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

Dracula 2000 I wanna say was the movie.

[-] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 14 points 2 years ago

Or like in Vampire the Masquerade how Cain was the original vampire

[-] charonn0@startrek.website 32 points 2 years ago

There was a vampire movie, I forget what it's called, but part of the lore was that vampires were only affected by religious symbols from their original society. So showing a cross to a Muslim vampire wouldn't work.

[-] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

Atheist vampires: It's free real state

[-] Bondrewd@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

Atheist vampires would have to be put under a microscope to die.

[-] electrogamerman@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

*species evolve*

atheist vampires: im in danger

load more comments (1 replies)

[-] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

Benny in the 1999 Mummy movie carried a hodgepodge of religious symbols with him, for apparently similar reasons. It sort of worked.

[-] Kid_Thunder@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago

The earliest concept (there may be earlier ones of course) that I remember is from the book I am Legend (1954) IIRC.

load more comments (1 replies)

[-] Classy@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

https://youtu.be/L6HkiZOWkaM

[-] ChunkMcHorkle@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

Hey, just so you know -- you should edit your comment and strip the ?si= and everything after it from your link, it's a Youtube tracker that has now attached your Youtube ID to your Fediverse ID.

https://youtu.be/L6HkiZOWkaM or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6HkiZOWkaM work fine without it.

[-] smeg@feddit.uk 3 points 2 years ago

Or just https://www.yewtu.be/watch?v=L6HkiZOWkaM (or your other invidious instance of choice)

load more comments (1 replies)

[-] rifugee@lemmy.world 30 points 2 years ago

In the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, they can be held back by any symbol of power that the wielder has faith in and the stronger the faith, the stronger the symbol. For example, Harry, the main character and a wizard, uses a pentagram instead of a cross because he has faith in his magic.

I've always thought that was pretty cool and it means that theoretically a devout Pastafarian could use the symbol of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to protect themselves from vampires.

[-] fsxylo@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 years ago

A pastafarian holding back vampires is exactly the kind of thing that would happen in the Dresden files.

[-] SnipingNinja@slrpnk.net 3 points 2 years ago

A pastafarian would just get garlic

[-] qyron@sopuli.xyz 3 points 2 years ago

No. The Pastafarian would already be protected due to copious amounts of ingested garlic while enjoying the holy daily portion of ramen.

[-] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Perhaps, though the Flying Spaghetti Monster is more of a rhetorical device than something people tend to sincerely believe.

It’s hard enough in vampire fiction to find true believers in conventional religion.

[-] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago

That’s not an uncommon take. In Vampire: The Masquerade, the idea of “true faith” is the same.

[-] psivchaz@reddthat.com 5 points 2 years ago

Before 2020 or so, I had a lot of faith in humanity. Does that mean I could just touch vampires to death, or would I need to like throw a child at them?

load more comments (1 replies)

[-] SzethFriendOfNimi@lemmy.world 17 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

In the Neutronium Alchemist (or one of the books in the Nights Dawn series) a vampire basically says “I was Muslim but that cross only works if you believe it works”

E.g. it’s the fundamental belief of the person wielding it that has the “psychic” effect on the ghost/vampire/remnant.

Edit: apparently it was a ghost who was Sunni and it’s the belief of the ghost that does it. E.g. why the crucifix had no effect on him but a crescent, for example, may have.

[-] smeg@feddit.uk 16 points 2 years ago

Sorry to fact-check a pretty good shitpost, but I don't think lowercase t existed until later

[-] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 29 points 2 years ago

The letter T looked like a cross for about 1750 years before Jesus

[-] smeg@feddit.uk 22 points 2 years ago

Curse those tricksy Phoenicians, I only researched Latin and Greek vampires

[-] Seleni@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Okay, S and Q I kinda get, but what the heck happened with R?

[-] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago

These came from a sort of “this sounds like” alphabet. Like if you wanted to write D but drew a picture of a dog, because that starts with a D sound. Or when someone on the phone says “A as in Adam.”

So the word for dude with a tiny hat started with an R sound, just like the word for the A sounded like an A sound.

[-] LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.one 12 points 2 years ago

My immersion is shattered

[-] smeg@feddit.uk 9 points 2 years ago

I'm starting to think this Andrew Nadeau isn't a doctor of vampirology at all!

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 9 points 2 years ago

I'm going to send you so much garlic

[-] loobkoob@kbin.social 17 points 2 years ago

I have the theory that vampires hating garlic is a rumour spread by vampires themselves because they really love garlic. Getting the humans to season themselves is a genius move.

[-] smeg@feddit.uk 8 points 2 years ago

hissing sound

[-] JaymesRS@literature.cafe 13 points 2 years ago

“You are a fool, Jacinto, all of my ancestors were Jews!”

load more comments (1 replies)

load more comments

this post was submitted on 21 Nov 2023

696 points (97.5% liked)

Microblog Memes

8418 readers

720 users here now

A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

Rules:

Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
Be nice.
No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.

Related communities:

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

ReadyUser31@lemmy.world

aeronmelon@lemmy.world

needanke@feddit.org