I’m ok but stuck in an endless loop of boring bullshit and the dopamine and dopin no more

I'm as good as I'm going to get for what I have at this time. It's all bullshit and I genuinely hate everything but that's ok. It's whatever.

I'm pretty freakin far from okay.

My girlfriend has been mad at me for almost a week now; who knows if she ever even wants to talk to me. She hates me at this point.

And this is my first day of vacation, I have more than 10 days off. I decided to work on one of my hobby projects, and sometimes take a break for gaming. Guess what! My PC broke, Memtest shows more than 3000 RAM errors, so at the moment I'm sitting here testing each module in every slot.

And then once I figure it out whether I have to send the RAM or the motherboard back, I'll have no PC for at least a month (I expect longer than that). So I cannot make any progress with anything, now that I have some free time.

I'm especially pissed off, because it was quite an expensive build, specifically for reliability.

Its complicated. I'm back at work and I am still trying to find my fit learning their system, processes, and getting a localdev up and running (which I finally did today, week 2 there) and I always have to fight impostor syndrome when confronting a new codebase. On the plus side, I get a long weekend at 4:30pm so I can focus on my personal projects.

If I pay mind to the outside world, my mood changes.

Haven't felt okay in years, I'm just trying to survive.

Bustah-Woof!

Er, anyway. I'm holding it together. Just worried about the damn election mostly.

My girlfriend sees her family every Christmas.
I'll be longing to see her in the meanwhile (I visit my own elsewhere), but otherwise I'm OK.

This is a very very bold question to ask, OP.

I wish all of you the best.

I just got myself very sick by forgetting to turn the heat off while sleeping, so no

Fuck no. Probably the worst year yet and always declining.

I'd kill myself if it wasn't for the fact it'd destroy my mother.

Thank you for asking! As a matter of fact, no, not really.

My partner has post traumatic stress and is an alcoholic but has been trying to give up for years (“That trick never works! This time, for sure”). The next day, she doesn’t remember all the stupid things she said and did the day before.

Her adult son is living with us; he’s autistic but refuses to acknowledge it. He’s rude, selfish, disrespectful, and inconsiderate to others. If he was “normal” (whatever the hell that even means) then I could discuss his behaviour, but he also barely talks.

Her daughter has moved out because she can’t stand the drinking, we hardly ever hear from her any more.

My ex-wife kicked out our adult son a week ago because our youngest is mentally unstable (bipolar? schizophrenic? refuses to see any kind of specialist for help) and violent, so it’s better if he’s not there “so he doesn’t trigger her” (Actually not “her”, incidentally they has come out as gender-fluid non-binary). Now he doesn’t want to see anyone, hiding in our spare room. He doesn’t have any furniture because we haven’t been able to move his stuff yet. He stays up until all hours playing computer games and only comes out for food. Doesn’t want to do Xmas, he’s going away camping with friends.

Although I’m in remission from cancer, I’m extremely physically fatigued all the time, but doing all the housework because otherwise it won’t get done. At least I can’t work, I don’t have the energy for that as well.

Merry fucking Christmas!

Buster wolf!

No, on multiple fronts.

No :(

I broke off doing the whole Christmas thing and it's been treating me really well. Giving really hits different when it's not an expectation.

I'm not about to kill myself or anything but no I'm not ok. I just keep breathing and waiting for the sweet relief that death will bring.

Rambo thumbs up meme

Mostly okay! I've been through a decade of infertility in the past and both of my (historically) happily childfree siblings announced they want kids now. I've experienced every emotion I can name about that but I've also had some good chats with other loved ones about it!

Seems a bit trivial compared to what some other people are going through but it took me by surprise.