217

Almost every jar of pickles claims a serving of pickles has zero calories. Now clearly, this is incorrect and the result of exploiting some ridiculous FDA loophole, since anyone knows that cucumbers provide calories.

So let's say you're in a situation where you lose all access to food, but you've got effectively unlimited access to pickles -- like, you're trapped inside a recently abandoned pickle warehouse.

Could you conceivably eat enough pickles to survive for a month? Two months? Or would your body just shut down from all the sodium and acid?

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] punkwalrus@lemmy.world 209 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Well, it really reminds me of that famous GreenText about pickles

[-] frickineh@lemmy.world 44 points 10 months ago

Oh good, it's not just me. I came here to say that the odds of shitting pure pickle juice are way too high to make it worth the risk.

[-] snooggums@kbin.social 43 points 10 months ago

If anyone hasn't had a butt cam (colonoscopy) before, this basically describes the process for flushing out before the procedure, except the stuff they give you doesn't taste as good as pickles.

[-] punkwalrus@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

Hah! It's so true.

[-] thawed_caveman@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

Question answered OP, this will be your daily life until the sweet relief of death

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] sanguine_artichoke@midwest.social 72 points 10 months ago

With a serving size of 20-30g and only 1 g carbs, unfortunately they’re not exploiting labeling. Cucumbers do not have significant carbohydrates, fat or protein and thus neither do pickled cucumbers. Maybe enough carbs to survive but not enough fat or protein, and so you’d end up with protein deficiency and whatever that condition is where people eating just rabbits starve from lack of fat. Probably also a horrific case of heartburn from such an acidic diet.

They do have a decent amount of some vitamins and minerals, and electrolytes such as potassium. It wouldn’t make up for the lack of protein and fat though.

[-] LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 10 months ago

Would it be at least marginally better to eat the pickles, or would you be better off just fasting? Could they give you a few more days to live, at least, in hopes of rescue?

[-] Broken_Monitor@lemmy.world 80 points 10 months ago

Are you stuck in a pickle factory? Blink twice if you’re under duress.

[-] WarmSoda@lemm.ee 52 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

OP, we can get you out. Just make sure the door isn't a jar!

[-] LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 10 months ago

I mean, I don't want to make a big dill about this...

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] Jiggle_Physics@lemmy.world 26 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

if you are discussing short-term survive-ability, while waiting for rescue, then eating pickles is better than nothing. They will provide water, vitamins, electrolytes, etc. If you are discussing living off of pickles as a lifestyle, or prolonged diet option, then it isn't enough.

[-] LanternEverywhere@kbin.social 20 points 10 months ago

It would do the opposite of providing water, it would almost immediately decrease the amount of water available to your body.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[-] Davel23@kbin.social 19 points 10 months ago

whatever that condition is where people eating just rabbits starve from lack of fat

Not sure if you're making a joke, but it's literally called "rabbit starvation".

[-] CountVon@sh.itjust.works 20 points 10 months ago

Apparently the technical term is protein poisoning. Digesting protein creates urea, and the body needs at least some fat in order to convert to ammonia that can be excreted. It's also called "mal be caribou" in French (caribou sickness, I think), which I find fascinating.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] vexikron@lemmy.zip 7 points 10 months ago

Yeah... wouldnt you basically be able to live for a while, but not actually having much actual energy to move... and probably basically be having liquid stinging shits the whole time?

[-] finthechat@kbin.social 48 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Hey are you by any chance trapped in a recently abandoned pickle warehouse?

[-] newcockroach@lemmy.world 25 points 10 months ago

He's just asking for a friend. Dont bother him and awnser the dammn question👽👽

[-] Nastybutler@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

I suspect he's locked a hostage in one and wants to know how long he can leave him there before he adds a murder charge to his kidnapping charge.

[-] blazera@kbin.social 43 points 10 months ago

Cucumbers themselves, like basically every green vegetable, dont provide sustainable amounts of calories. But assuming pickles cant have a different calorie count from the cucumbers they started with is a bit nonsense, it's like saying wood ash will burn as well as unburnt wood. It's undergone chemical processes that alter its makeup. If you're talking about conventional vinegared pickles, that's acids breaking down the few carbohydrates and proteins, and if you're talking about lacto-fermented pickles, that's bacteria eating the calories first and converting into carbon dioxide. You can also compare the vitamins for fresh cucumbers vs labeled on the pickle jar. They're not finding loopholes to not label the health benefits of what they're selling, the pickling process also destroys vitamins.

[-] CyanFen@lemmy.one 11 points 10 months ago

But they are using a technicality that allows them to label them as 0 calories. While pickles don't have many calories, they don't have 0. According to fda guidelines a serving between 0-5 calories can be claimed as 0 calories and even the nutrition facts is allowed to say 0.

[-] blazera@kbin.social 8 points 10 months ago

It's not a technicality, it's just rounding. Go check out the nutrition labels on various foods you got. The majority of them will be rounded to the nearest tenth. A few low calorie ones might be rounded to the nearest fifth. Less than that is for all practical purposes 0 calories. You will not get a significant amount of calories no matter how many pickles you eat. Forget the sodium and acidity, your body cant hold enough pickle mass to add up to a snack's worth of calories.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] wetnoodle@sopuli.xyz 39 points 10 months ago

I don't know enough to answer but I like this question

[-] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml 29 points 10 months ago

So there are a lot of "basically nothing" foods you can survive on for a time until nutrient deficiencies kill you. However in the case of pickles I think you'd be better of literally not eating for a month. Like how drinking saltwater dehydrates you, eating pickles would blow anything of nutritional value out of you and then some

[-] PRUSSIA_x86@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

I have you tagged on Connect as "ask about the stick", and so now I must ask, about the stick?

[-] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml 9 points 10 months ago

No idea what Connect is but maybe you're talking about this comment? https://lemmy.ml/comment/5223327

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[-] tamal3@lemmy.world 23 points 10 months ago

I don't know, but let us know how it goes.

[-] Crack0n7uesday@lemmy.world 18 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Imagine the shit you would have to take after a few days of even trying. I would definitely not trust a fart after day three.

[-] HubertManne@kbin.social 16 points 10 months ago

calorie negative food requires more energy to digest than they give you. The more you preprocess them like cooking, the more that changes. It the basis for the cabbage soup diet that while this wikipedia page pans my wife swears by https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cabbage_soup_diet . Although she does not eat just the soup but uses it as a supplement cruch that does have a lot of non caloric nutrients to stay full. I have no idea why the wiki page say medical professionals say the weight lost is water. I find that hard to believe given the amount of water consumed as part of eating soup. Im just skeptical of what medical professionals or what proportion said that particular thing.

[-] Quetzalcutlass@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

The cabbage soup diet has many names, usually linking the diet to a mainstream institution, including the "Sacred Heart Diet", "Military Cabbage Soup", "TJ Miracle Soup Diet", and "Russian Peasant Diet". All of the institutions named have denied a link with the diet.

Russian peasants: "Don't blame us for this shit!”

[-] spittingimage@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

People who are trying to eat healthy are probably also cutting back salt (intentionally or by eating less processed food), so their body retains less fluid in its tissues.

[-] GBU_28@lemm.ee 9 points 10 months ago
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] Jackcooper@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago

Missing some vitamins and minerals as well as some obligate amino acids so without getting to the calories, no

[-] Skasi@lemmy.world 15 points 10 months ago

I feel like Lemmy probably lacks the expertiese on pickles. Beans on the other hand...

[-] Wild_Mastic@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Is this the follow up to the no poop question made months ago?

load more comments (4 replies)
[-] dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago

I'd give it 3 or 4 days, if literally all you have is pickles. All that salt and vinegar will dehydrate you pretty damn good, despite all the liquid you're ostensibly consuming.

Even if you had fresh water present as well, I think you'd wind up with one hell of a stomachache by day 2 or 3.

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] Blackout@kbin.social 11 points 10 months ago

I just bought some pickles today, AMA.

[-] LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 10 months ago

Have you eaten any? If so, did you survive?

[-] SidewaysHighways@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

Well it's been 20 minutes so

I call their speakers

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] qwertyqwertyqwerty@lemmy.one 8 points 10 months ago

I'm pretty sure this would kill you in a short amount of time. Chubbyemu had a video on Youtube where a single, large jar of pickles was enough to nearly kill someone (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gF69voHU_ys).

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

It would take more energy to digest the pickle than the pickle would provide.

One example that I like to use is this: would a cockroach eat it? Roaches eat everything from food crumbs to wallpaper paste. Anything with calories. Do you know something that roaches WON'T eat? Cucumbers.

So long as the pickles don't have sugar in the brine, I would say you would likely starve to death.

[-] tryptaminev@feddit.de 14 points 10 months ago

That is a poor metric. Pickles are salty and acidic as fuck. Covkroaches dont literally eat everything with calories.

[-] geogle@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

He mentioned that roaches wouldn't eat cucumbers, not pickles.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] OurTragicUniverse@kbin.social 7 points 10 months ago

If you're also drinking water and only eating a few pickles a day for the salt and mineral content, you can water fast safely for a good while if you have enough body fat.

Folk with morbid obesity have safely water fasted up to a year.

The pickles would only be sustaining you so far as salt and minerals though, your body fat would be doing the rest to keep you alive.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2024
217 points (95.4% liked)

No Stupid Questions

35868 readers
598 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS