McDonald's stocks go up 200%

I can live off soiled bread I suppose

I'd be just fine.

I guess that I'm now praying to a really shitty version of Satan, uh. Or perhaps selling really cheap lamps?

("Lvxferre" is just broken Latin for "Lucifer", or "light-bringer")

Seeing as you can't eat rocks I'd practically be dead.

Link and Shulk, doing it 69 style, would have to be involved.

I'm fucked.

Ganon with the Morph Ball upgrade would be U N S T O P P A B L E

Well, I can hunt, I guess.

Im okay with this, whole movies exist with this outcome, good times ahead

Maybe dying isn't so bad after all...

I'm going to pick my nose!

Haha, I’ll still be around in millions of years.

I'm a very old Musketeer.

People think I'm bullshitting all the time.

Not a lot changes

I need to work on my temper

I think I'd be alright.

I now rule a highly advanced, militaristic, and xenophobic alternate reality and have psionic abilities. It's not as great as is sounds, my future wife is going to psionically teleport a gray-goo bomb into my chest at the end of the big climactic boss fight.

I hope for your sake that your name isn't Jack.

Not bad, especially if she comes with her ship.

I would have to go back to reddit to get an "open in new tab" function. This username is actually because I created an account once (years ago) after nuking my first one just so I could have the "open in new tab" functionality back.

But what if it didn't happen in my timeline?

Most of them are dead, but Mr Burns has enough money to keep me going a while.

The Grasshopper Mouse kills scorpions and then screams about it afterwards, so I think I'll do alright.

I should be fine, just gotta change my name

Monté Christo was quite skillful.

Would be nice to be buzzed all the time

The walls are closing in...

Mecha + Magic = Mechagic Im in a magic mecha, i think im doing well

Curse this mortality, amiright fellow human?

Seems like a fun spell

I got an RC car... At least I'll die having fun.

Being a 'jockbox genius' means I'd be living on 'spam street', good buddy!

Bollocks.

I'm mostly fine, I hope

It doesn't have to be good, right?

im now a vampire with a slutty thrall?

i guess theres worse ways to live

I'm fire proof, and a shit speller.

Yeah I’m pretty fucked if my ability to stay alive is predicated upon my assembly programming abilities. Don’t ask me to multiply.

Porn i guess