527
They should have a rocks glass with a query on it
SELECT * FROM liquor_cabinet WHERE proof >= 120
> 176 shots returned.
They also give away branded needles so you can give yourself an SQL injection.
The DBA at my old job used to keep a revolver with one bullet, and a bottle of evan williams in his cabinet. There would come many a time when he reaches for the drawer and opens it, seeing both. He always opted for the whiskey, but having seen some of our PRs, there were definitely times he lingered on the revolver.
This is a joke, btw. When's the last time you've seen a dedicated DBA lol
Gosh I hope you took some creative liberties with that story... a coworker having a loaded gun at the office would be creepy as fuck - even if it was just in support of a joke.
I made it up from another joke.
That gives me great comfort.
The 90s were a different time. Believe me, I used to work Dell tech support in the Win9x days…
That's some really clever Postgres merch.
bartender! one TRUNCATE for me please! I don't want to remember this night
Can we DROP the joke about DBs already?
ElasticSearch would make me drink if I drank
Could you do your best dunk on ES for me please? Not as in factually great, just whatever. I (ab)use quite a bit in my work, and can't say I have particularly strong opinions/feelings around it either way - I could use some help to change that xD
My most recent complaint is about index mappings. I have 2 types in 2 different indexes that each have a field with the same name. One index has a hand written mapping. The other index is currently under active development and doesn't have a mapping for it yet so it's built automatically. When I insert into the index WITHOUT a mapping, the index WITH a mapping changes the field into a keyword and no further queries against the index WITH a mapping work. This also happens if I insert into the index WITHOUT a mapping before the other index is created. Why does the index WITH a mapping change?!? WE WROTE THE MAPPING FOR A REASON BUT ITS IGNORED!?!
Bartender, I'll have a shot of that. And please clear my TABLE, I'd rather have a nice VIEW.
That'll make you forget about the analyst who left didn't add a WHERE clause in their "test" UPDATE statement
Show me one which says MariaDB and then I'll be interested
Seriously though, MySQL is garbage and its replication is even worse. It is by design that you’re not supposed to rely on it. It’s apparently a feature that the replication gets out of sync. Why have it then?
I can’t wait until I no longer have to deal with databases. The time is coming!
death, taxes, and databases
Tax data is stored in a database.
Birth and death data are stored in a database.
I see a pattern here.
If you are not born, and if you don't die, you won't get dumped.
Well damn.
Can I get an Oracle version?
This is an Oracle version
I wanna take a shot of something else every time I have to do anything with databases...
this post was submitted on 13 Mar 2024
527 points (98.5% liked)
Programmer Humor
35305 readers
159 users here now
Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)
Rules:
- Posts must be relevant to programming, programmers, or computer science.
- No NSFW content.
- Jokes must be in good taste. No hate speech, bigotry, etc.
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS