We are in the middle of a Copernican Revolution on the Web, or: A Kantian Right to Fediverse Access (fungiverse.wordpress.com)

submitted 7 months ago by blue_berry@lemmy.world to c/fediverse@lemmy.world

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[-] the_rogue@sh.itjust.works 13 points 7 months ago

And i'm glad to be with y'all when its all going down

[-] aCosmicWave@lemm.ee 9 points 7 months ago

I’m conflicted. I really appreciated the quote at the beginning but the actual article seems so poorly written. Grammatical errors, run-on sentences, etc. Gave up half way through.

[-] blue_berry@lemmy.world 3 points 7 months ago

Yeah ok, I need to improve my english skills

[-] Emperor@feddit.uk 2 points 7 months ago

Top tip my father gave me was to put command where you'd slightly pause, if reading it outloud.

Your piece:

He was, like many great thinkers, a child of his time: a few decades before, Copernicus came to the conclusion that the universe didn’t revolve around the earth, but that the earth actually circled around the sun and later, Newton came up with laws that explained the workings of the universe. Both of these developments marked a major shift of world view, and with this state of mind, Kant came to the conclusion that as autonomous, conscious beings, we can become moral beings through reason.

Tweaked version:

He was, like many great thinkers, a child of his time: A few decades before, Copernicus came to the conclusion that the universe didn’t revolve around the earth, but the earth actually circled around the sun and, later, Newton came up with laws that explained the workings of the universe. Both of these developments marked a major shift of world view and, with this state of mind, Kant came to the conclusion that as autonomous, conscious beings we can become moral beings through reason.

Try reading those aloud - it's a subtle, but important, difference that can really throw a reader off.

Shortening the sentences would also help:

He was, like many great thinkers, a child of his time. A few decades before, Copernicus came to the conclusion that the universe didn’t revolve around the earth, but the earth actually circled around the sun. Later, Newton came up with laws that explained the workings of the universe.

That keeps each sentence more focused on the individual being discussed.

[-] blue_berry@lemmy.world 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Thanks! Yeah, I struggle to keep my sentences short. I will keep it in mind :)

[-] Emperor@feddit.uk 2 points 7 months ago

I'm the same. I have to keep that and the pause/comma thing (and not repeating words and phrases too close to each other) in mind constantly.

[-] victorz@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago

Your English is fine. Sentences may be a tad long, and of course an article this size would need a proofread before posting. That's normal.

Very interesting article, at least in the beginning. I didn't get very far but I was intrigued from the start. I like how you framed it all the way you did. Well done. 🙂👍