Zorr'ak notes, page 2:

Earthlings' nutrition consists mainly of elongated pieces of synthetic rubber. These can't be fully digested, so consuming the nutrients they contain is achieved by inserting them repeatedly in one or more of the mouths that Earthlings have in different parts of their anatomy.

Zorr'ak notes, page 3:

Several attempts to feed the Earthling specimen we collected have failed. We are releasing it to avoid it dying from starvation

NY Post, page 3 headline:

Texas man claims he was abducted by aliens and anal-probed

Shower thots

Aliens arrive and try communicating

ding... ding ding ding ding... ding ding ding

They'd have a much higher opinion of us than they'd get from most of the stuff we actually broadcast.

At least the aliens would know how to make us cum

These "Hoomans" are very passionate about keeping all the orifices clean.

Very intelligent species 10/10

If we can be so lucky that that’s all they receive 🙃

Somebody broadcast the internet into space... Oh wait starlink has us covered