Whenever it comes down to definitions I like to go to expert definitions rather than common language. For food (are tomatoes a fruit?) I use FDA definitions, for which the definition of bread excludes what you'd mean by "cake".

• Layman readable synopsis (bakerpedia)
• Sec. 136.110 Bread, rolls, and buns. (fda)
• Sec. 136.115 Enriched bread, rolls, and buns. (fda)

I don't think the FDA defines cake, but it does specify how different types of cakes, brownies and such should be labeled (search for "cake" here).

Never heard of fried cake. In my native language that's sure a word not interchangeable with what I would translate cake to

Maybe yeast is the thing?

In which case, cake isn't bread.

And also bread isn't bread, it's just a really thick beer.

But it doesn't have alcohol, so you'd need to add sugar.

Then beer is cake.

Yes. Flour, water, heat. That's it. Tortillas are bread. Cake is bread. Crackers are bread.

I’ve never make a cake from dough. I’ve always make cake from batter.

No, but cheese is a kind of meat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fc_2BxVurM

The Cube Rule of Food Identification

Not bread. Cake doesn't use yeast (leavened basically means using yeast). Bread does.

Cake uses eggs, bread doesn't.

Cake is expensive to buy or make. Bread isn't as bad.

I think we clearly know it's not bread. Back me up here someone. I'm the person being referred to in the OP btw.

These comments could be part of an episode of Qi.

US bread taste like bread, it's soft and sugary.

I would turn it the other way breads are a sort of cake but more minimalist (water, flour, yeast, and a pinch of salt) and then there is some pimped bread which moves toward the cake, like when you add milk or even eggs

Rye bread looks like chocolate cake. So... is bread a sort of cake?

it's a doctrinal difference

also you could possibly look at something like gluten formation, but i suspect there's a gluteny cake out there as well as a glutenless bread