My GF: "Why is my hairbrush on the floor?"
Me: "Don't touch, there's poop on it!"

Context: This happened 12 years ago. I was changing the diaper of my then 1 year old, and I gave him a hairbrush to distract him so that he'd lay still. He whacked it into the freshly opened poop diaper.

"Why is there so much hair in your butt?"

Context: I have a husky dog that is shedding like crazy right now.

27 year old me: “But I’m an adult! I’m here for work!”

I said this as I was being thrown out of a charismatic church where they spoke in tongues. I was chaperoning a high functioning mentally challenged woman who went to that church. I didn’t like getting involved in the services so I went to wait in the hallway outside the classes. Some ass came up and said all kids have to be in class and I tried to explain but he wasn’t buying it so he threw me out.

Damn, I just noticed this is supposed to be on !parenting@lemmy.world ha ha