This is a... Unique way of thinking about this. I'll preface all of this by saying: Get therapy, or at least talk to people. Seriously. Feeling that every day is agony and hating your parents for giving birth to you clearly means you're hurting somewhere. There is absolutely no need for that to be your normal.

how much better that would be for everybody.

Uh... Why are you talking like you're the antichrist or something? In all likelihood you're a mildly good person in the eyes of some people and a mildly bad person in the eyes of others. I mean you know yourself better than I do, but stop for a minute and think whether the dramatic statement of "how much better that would be for everybody" makes sense.

It just frustrates me that something SO SIMPLE could have saved me 41 years of daily agony.

I know that this is the product of deeper mental health issues, but I'll just point out that you're doing the same thing your mother did; only in your case it's your life instead of Phil Hartman. I mean 41 years? Yeah you probably weren't in agony before gaining object permanence, and definitely not every single day of your life. Just because things are hard now doesn't mean you have to reject happiness you had in the past.

An apt quote from "Rick and Morty" is "no one exists on purpose".

Your parents' issues don't need to be yours.

I hope you don't carry this hurt forever. Sorry.

Buddy, I’m the product of two idiot 16 year old addicts fucking around without protection. You’re damn well right I feel the same way. But at the end of the day, I’m here, so I’m gonna try to make the best of it where I can. And you should, too

I mean, is this actually a question?

It really seems more like a rant followed with a DAE at the end to keep form.

There's nothing to answer here.

Which is fine, but you picked the wrong C/ for it, which means you aren't as likely to get favorable responses.

But, with that said, of course you're not the only one. It's a pretty common sentiment, particularly when people have some long term health issues (physical or mental). You go to enough group therapy sessions, you'd be hard pressed to not have any given group be a majority of members feeling the same. Same with many support groups.

It's a thing.

This is really the kind of thing you should be working on with a therapist and not lemmy. I know there’s catharsis and support to be found here, but we are not the help you probably want to be looking for.

Fam, the TLDR I'm hearing isn't "wish my folks made healthier life choices and hadn't conceived me in such a specifically shameful manner that affects my life", but "I wish I was never born, DAE feel this way?"

My answer is that, this seems deeper than what lemmy can offer, it's worth talking to a therapist about, and I hope you can find a way forward for you.

I'm 45 and have never felt this way.

You should seek help imo. Or simply keep talking about it with others, like you attempt to do here. But less spending time online would probably help.

It is not super common to impregnate on first offense, especially if you were her first child. You can count the days backwards from your birthday to see when it happened. If you were the first child, you may have been a day or few late.

Growing up, I found it funny how many of my friends happened to be born in the first week of September... Happy New Years. There is often, not always, but often some correlated reason why they were free to screw around too much.

Me thinking this was about getting frustrated at subpar artwork or crafts of my own creation but no, you really mean my own existence.

No, I don't feel that way. I never had a problem knowing my parents had sex and that I'm the product of that. Sorry for your case, I see others giving much better advice already so I'll leave it at that.

I used to have a similar type of rage towards my parents and my existence. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fAsHGEB69P0 this Alan Watts video helped me move past it. Not saying it will definitely help you, but it's worth a shot.

that's one way to look at it, but things like that happen often in reproduction. what matters is: now you're here, so you might as well make the best of it, because if rebirth isn't a thing you just get this one chance to do your thing.

the flower has no idea and no control over where the bee came from, but after the seed sprouts, it is no longer significant for the new flower. it just has to do it's thing. what's done is done. focus more on the future.

I feel similar but I wouldn't say I particularly hate my parents.

I was an accident and honestly if anything I'm very frustrated that the only reason I was born was that my grandmother is super religious and refused to even entertain the idea of an abortion, hell she's even responsible for my name (again from the fucking goddamn Bible. For me that's ironic since I loath most organized religion.) but my parents in no way should have gotten together. I think my mom was just attractive and my dad is a pig for sex (I recognize some of that in myself so I guess I got that from him... Thanks...)

As others have mentioned it's not so much that the entirety of all 38 years of my life sucked, but for me I have a distinct memory at 11 years old of having this feeling that something wanted me to kill myself because it just kept "poking" at me, making life miserable in various ways. I gave the sky the finger and said "fuck you I'm not doing that" simply out of spite of whatever it was. (I don't believe anything like that now). So I have to imagine childhood wasn't as bad although I did have to live through 2 stepfathers that both wished I didn't exist probably as much as I do.

Anxiety runs rampant through my father's side of the family and I've definitely been depressed for the entirety of my teenage and adult life. The world wouldn't be affected by my passing, but I sure as hell would love to hit the "off button" as well. All that said, if women even found me worthy, I would never want to pass these absolute garbage genes on to anyone. That should be a crime thats how shitty they are (except my immune system, that seems pretty ok lol)

I mean people don't think I take things seriously enough but you gotta ask if the story is even true. I mean I ask myself. Its my creation? Is it real? Its my creation? I do not know. You have to have no hesitation and a heart of gold, because its just flesh and blood. I do not know.

There are definitely some things it is healthier not to know, and I'm pretty sure this is one of them. It's why I don't ask my mom questions about my dad, who I have never met since being old enough to form memories and I would like to keep it that way.

Hahaha... My birthday is 9 months after my dad's. Coincidence? I think not.

I'm an antinatalist for people like you and my kids who will never be.

My keys are securely attached to my wallet.