Y’all are horrifying. That’s all I came here to say.

I keep a bouquet of dry pasta on my desk that I absentmindedly munch on while I work.

Sometimes I'll eat a whole head of cabbage over a day peeling it leaf by leaf.

Instant noodles, peanut butter, and sriracha. Crack an egg in near the end.

It's actually pretty close to pad thai, but screams of struggle meal

Toasted bread with blue cheese, a fried egg, hot sauce and maple syrup on top.

Hobo salad: Canned kidney beans, canned sweetcorn, canned tuna, salad dressing. If I'm feeling fancy/not lazy I'll add some chopped shallots or scallions.

my special treat that my partner hates for me to make but gobbles up bowls of: White Rice, Ground Beef, and Cream of Mushroom soup (campbells can). White rice like you like it, Ground the beef and salt generously after draining grease (helps the beef pop out more in the taste), then I usually do half of the milk called for with the soup.

Bed of RIce in a bowl, ground beef on top, then pour the cream of mushroom soup on it. Such a warm and crazy good taste but I get looks whenever I bring it up so I don't make it that often unless it's just me for a few days.

I bake a mean creamy chicken (like you'd find in a pot pie) but, for whatever fucking reason, I absolutely love that flavor spliced with white vinegar. I have a deep love of pushing tangy sour to the border of spiciness.

When I'm home alone, I'll sometimes revert to my "first apartment" mood and cook spaghetti with Campbell tomato soup in it, added with sautéed onions, mushrooms, hotdog sausages, and add cheese in it.

Is probably better than the crappiest thing I could come up with, but I wouldn't serve that too an adult. But maybe to children.

I haven't had this in a while but one if my lazy bachelor meals was baked potatoes with kim chee and sour cream.

I am disappointed with all of you. Please go to your room.

Pasta with ketchup instead of tomato sauce

Rice with ketchup

Ketchup with ketchup

I love ketchup

Earlier this week I had curry on nacho chips because I made some really good curry and did not have the energy to make the actual nacho accoutrements that I had planned on doing

It was great

Sandwiches with potato chips between them

Pan-fried canned chick peas with black pepper, butter, oregano, basil, and sometimes paprika, chili powder, and hot sauce if I want some kick.

I cook it when I'm in a rush or tired, it's done in 10-15 minutes, fills me up, and is packed with good protein.

But I would never feed it to anybody else, it's lazy bro/fitness food lol.

Cold baked beans straight from the tin, eaten with a spoon. I'm grinning thinking of my dinner guests' faces as they contemplate their tins.

I knew someone who would eat a tomato for dinner with a few slices of carrots. Nothing baked, just a plain uncut tomato and slices of carrots.

I'm talking a functionnal human being, knowing the concept of cooking and the ability to walk to their kitchen with such a "dish" as they would call it. Not vegetarian either. They did like meat and whatnot. Saddest "meal" I've ever had the horror to lay my eyes upon.

My invented dish I call "Scrumpy". You take fries or fried potatoes, equal amount lettuce broken up like for a salad, chicken, then top it with chicken or beef gravy and chopped green onions. To really take up the indulgence level you can add ~~southern~~ hot sauce like Frank's, and some Cajun seasoning.

It started because of my great love of poutine, and wondering how I could make it into a healthier full meal. I've done a million variations on it, too. Stir fried cabbage and onion instead of lettuce. Corned beef instead of chicken. Adding a fried egg on top... Very flexible weeknight meal.

I would absolutely serve this to someone if it ever came up, but it never has.

I put ketchup on bread and microwave it

Fresh tomato and dry roasted peanuts.

Actually I might try it on someone ...

I sometimes open a can of vegetables and pour them in my mouth

Peanut butter out of the jar.

Guacamole with cottage cheese. The Polish side of my family loves it, but I wouldn't dare add it to my guac when making it for the Mexican half of my family.

Two pieces of white bread, mayo, thick slices of tomato and a bunch of black pepper.. Not sure how terrible it is, but I don't generally serve it to others because it's very messy.

rice and lentils. Bit to mundane for company.

Sourdough with chunky peanut butter, ground mustard, and aioli.

Mustard bread. I'm dead serious.

Edit to clarify: just a slice of bread with a heap of mustard rushedly spread on it. I either go for honey mustard if I'm looking for a bit of pep, or whole grain Dijon for savouring.

Not regularly, but my family was super poor for awhile and our delicacies then are my comfort food now.

We loved hot dog weiners in the Kraft dinner, which is a fair approximation because we couldn't afford KD back then. Ground pepper, and also ketchup when we could afford to be fully blasphemous.

Mom makes a wicked liver-and-onions, but I suspect it wasn't liver so much as tongue, as it was cheap as hell back then. My sister knows the truth and she will.not eat 'liver' again.

Blasphemy and lies, that's it.

When I'm really lazy I make spaghetti with butter and bread crumbs.

Cinnamon raisin bagels with lox and cream cheese

Mix 2 different instant noodle products, Carbonara Buldak and Neoguri and create a sodium overload saucy cheesy ramen. We only have it max twice a month though because it’s so high in sodium.

Raw chickpeas. The small, black kind. I soak them overnight in cold water, and have them for breakfast along with a shot of espresso.

I got it from my dad. He used to have them with tea.

fermented shrimp paste, pickled bird eyes chili, soy sauce, fresh mangoes and plain white rice. topped with a heaping pinch of msg.

Toast, mayo, fried egg, salt. Then a liberal amount of Dave’s ghost pepper sauce on top, like a teaspoon.

I’m the only person I know of who will eat this specific hot sauce. Other hot sauce lovers will not touch it, because it tastes like capsaicin extract and poison. But I’m weirdly addicted to it. I own better tasting sauces but they don’t scratch the itch the right way.

Variant on your dish: bake sweet potato, add cottage cheese and eat immediately. Add sweet or savory seasonings to taste. It's not something I'd bring to share, but it's definitely not something I'll hide. As far as quick and dirty meals, it's reasonably healthy, and probably not the worst suggestion for someone who struggles to cook for themselves.

Actual goblin food: canned black olives between two slices of bread, smush down to prevent them from rolling out.