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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Complete_Jicama_9896 on 2023-09-19 10:51:51.
My sister Norah (40f) married Aidan (42m) five years ago. Aidan was a widower with two kids when they met. His daughter is now 14 and his son is now 13. Norah and Aiden had their daughter five months ago.
Aidan and his late wife were childhood sweethearts and their families were very close friends. This did not change after his late wife's death. They often get together and celebrate holidays or just to spend time together. Norah was made aware of this when she started dating Aidan. She was also told that would never change. Aidan said the families have became almost like one big family over the years and they would never exclude the others.
Norah confided in me when she married Aidan that it was awkward seeing photos of his late wife at different ILs houses. Aidan's parents have a couple from when Aidan and his late wife were kids and some from when they were married and had the kids. Aidan's sister has childhood photos and adult photos of her and her late SIL, because they were best friends as kids. Norah said it felt like a message they were sending to her. I said they clearly loved Aidan's late wife and it was likely nothing to do with her. But some people keep photos of late loved ones up and some others will take them down. I suggested to her then that she should speak to a therapist because they were unlikely to remove traces of Aidan's late wife from their homes and lives and she might need some professional help learning to accept that.
She mentioned a few times over the five year marriage that she felt like Aidan's ILs (late wife's parents) did not embrace her as much as Aidan's family did and how much it bothered her. She brought up a lot that the kids always referred to her as step and shot her down hard when she suggested they could call her mom.
It was after Norah's daughter was born that she left me shocked. She and Aidan decorated the baby's room very late (last month actually) and I had wondered why because she was looking at all the inspo boards while pregnant. It was two weeks ago when she came over and started complaining that Aidan's ILs had gifted the nursery decorations for their grandchildren and she had held out waiting for them to do the same with her daughter's. She then complained that they were not treating her daughter like their grandchild and how they shouldn't all be one big happy family if that does not include her and her daughter fully. She said if they want to stick around they should treat her daughter the very same as they did/do their grandchildren. She said it must be their lack of treating her the same that has her stepkids saying she's a half sister and not just saying she's a sister.
It was after this I suggested my sister needed therapy because her expectations were so unrealistic that she had left me stunned. My sister said I should be on her side and telling her she needs therapy is saying she's wrong. AITA?