My wife and I have two sons, and it’s an obscene amount of work, but there’s nothing better than the simple joy of seeing them excel at something they love, or seeing their pride at a success.

You’re giving up proper sleep for a decade, and you’re forever ceding your ability to not worry about another person’s wellbeing, but on the whole it’s worth it.

The early years are punishing, there’s no way around it, but it gets easier as they get older.

Yes, I have kids. No regrets. It definitely gave me a different perspective on life in ways that I could never had experienced in any other way.

No one is ever fully ready for it. It's not comparable to anything else, so it's basically impossible to reach the decision to have children in any logical way. It's a leap of faith. I thought of it as something that I had to do in order to experience as much of life as I can while I can. It's been well worth any amount ofmoney or time that I've spent on it. I'd do it again if I was ten years younger.

I'm 41. I decided I didn't want kids when I was probably 14 or 15. I do not regret the decision at all, and believe that if I were 11 today, I'd probably make the decision as an 11 year old and not wait so long until I'm 14 or 15.

absolutely not. I'm not interested in bringing anyone into this world to die in the climate wars

Yep, 3. I like to explain things to people, now I get to be the smartest person in the room for a while. It’s great.

I have 2 kids. One bit and one girl. Wish I had a third, but I got snipped after 2.

I do not have kids. I got sterilized (had my fallopian tubes removed) in my mid 30s. I never really felt the urge to have them, and the idea of having them became more and more of an icky thought. I am a sleepy person who wakes up at noon on weekends. I'm messy and forget the laundry in the machine. I'm self centered and like to spend what I earn on me, or choose when I feel like gifting and giving to others. I'm picky, I like to find things exactly how I left them, and I don't like sharing with people who aren't my husband. I'm not a bad person, I just understand my behaviors and realize that I don't really have a responsibility to change as long as I'm child free. Add to that the fact that I have so many hobbies, a close knit group of friends, and a bunch of pets - I never feel bored or lonely and I know it'll only get better with age. Kids just never factored in.

It's such a huge and personal decision. You shouldn't really make a decision based on how other people describe their experience. I saw this on reddit ages ago and this is is probably the single best summary of the experience I've seen.

I can describe my experience, but you need to understand people's biases. My bias is that I always liked kids. I enjoyed playing with nephews and nieces. I now work with children and have 2 of my own kids. The decision for children doesn't come about in a vacuum. I had a wife who wanted kids too. I had a stable job and felt ready. Even then I had no idea what I was in for. Kids put major demands on your time, money, energy, patience and marriage. I have one child which some might call "a difficult child" and one who is very demanding (as expected for a "normal" child). This is definitely life on hard-mode. Children really force you to face your own issues and get over yourself. It has been great for me. I wouldn't change a thing about my "difficult" children. Giving them a good life and catering to their needs is an undescribable satisfaction and fulfilment in itself. I'm learning more than I'm teaching them. I wish work didn't take so much of my time and energy so I had more for them. I asked my wife if she wanted to work full-time, because I would happily stay at home or work part-time and spend more time with the kids. I can't get enough of my kids and the time you get at each stage of their life flies by in an instant.

That's starkly in contrast that with large proportions of Lemmy (and Reddit) which have quite vocal child-free populations with a very individualist ideology. Everyone's circumstances and biases are different.

Edit: People also tend to be more open about defending their current position rather than expressing regret (i.e. had children and hated it, or didn't have children and regretted it); both of these populations exist and tend to be quieter because of social stigma.

I didn't want kids for the longest time. Then I met my husband and wanted to make a family. We were fortunate to have two lovely girls (after three unfortunate miscarriages). Actually, I think it was after the first miscarriage that my desire for a baby was truly solidified.

Life is chaotic and busy and expensive but I wouldn't trade it for life before kids.

No. No. No.

I have kids. I wouldn't trade them for the world. 90% of the time, they're fine. The other 10%, I'm so angry but I can't be angry for long because they didn't do anything I didn't do as a kid.

Hard to say if I regret anything. Too young and I would have struggled financially, nor was I mature enough. Too old and I would have struggled to keep up.

You're going to have a divide here. There's people who REALLY hate the idea of kids. Then you have the crazy-ass breeder religious folks who are so judgemental. Asking for validation from the internet about kids is silly imo. Everyone has a motive.

Rather than ask friends, family, strangers on the internet... Treat it like a lifestyle change. Read books about parenting. If that doesn't align with you, then you have your answer.

I'm a woman, and absolutely not. This world isn't going to be viable or have any positives for non-rich-as-fuck people, and I certainly can't give that to a baby. There isn't any more point to procreate - humans made sure of it.

I have a son that is the most important thing in my life. He is 2.5 now, but it took me a year to adjust to my new life, and I am shamed to admit that several episodes could have a been handled better. (No abuse, but daddy getting angry for a toddler being a toddler) It took a toll on the relationships too. Still does since tired people have shorter fuses.

Bottom line now is that he fills me with joy. Watching him learn new thing like how there ia fluff between his toes (and do dad have it too?) to how all water used for painting turns grey. How he practices being a ninja sneaking up on me (but can't contain his excitement and giggle) The texture of food, and how spaghetti sticks.

Of course you are tired and stressed, and the random pain from unexpected movements when dressing him, or from death dives on the couch is always there. But I would not trade him for anything.

I have 1 year old twins.

It's been a tough road all the way along. Years of IVF, complex and stressful pregnancy, some serious health issues at first. Everyone fit and well now.

It's kind of odd to be asked whether I regret anything. Like do I regret having an arm, or do I regret that the world is round.

I will say that it's a genuine privilege to be involved in their lives every day and to be with them when they experience things.

I have one child, now adult, who reminds me every day that she didn’t ask to be born and wishes she hadn’t been. It’s hard to explain to someone without the life experience of it all but I couldn’t have known how shit the world was about to get when she was born (summer 2001) so it seemed like a good idea at the time. Every single day of her life has been hard both for her and us in various ways. And I wish the world was gentler for her.

Suffice to say, I can’t believe there are any people actively trying to bring new people in to the world right now. Shit has been bleak as fuck for decades and it gets worse every day. Even the new plague didn’t help. I feel bad enough knowing the world she was introduced to is so terrible but I didn’t know it was going to be. But now? Guys it’s actually very bad, how could you present this to a new innocent person like,”here’s life! Enjoy!” Pass.

Early 30s and no.

1. the world has enough people
2. I have no interest in giving up my comforts for another being right now
3. I never asked to be here and I hate that I am most of the time so why would I force that on another being
4. if I ever change my mind and am in a good enough spot economically I will just adopt. imo if I can't afford to adopt then I can't afford a child and I'm fine with that.
5. I'm stoked about being the weird/cool auntie, parenthood would take that away from me

I have kids. I said I wanted them until it really hit home how much work it was. I didn't shy from the work though, and had 2 more. Now they are close to becoming adults and we are bonding over so many things. I would never do it again without them.

Honestly I’m not sure I’d recommend it. It’s really hard and it completely changing everything: life, marriage, work life balance, sleep, stress, etc.

I wouldn’t change having one but it was not made clear to me how unbelievably hard it is.

If you’re in a culture where you parents actually help it’s more doable. Assuming you’re a westerner then it’s hard.

I love my kids so much that it's changed my whole life. They have given value to my life that didn't exist before, they made me grow and it's an incredible experience to watch them grow. They made me happy, worried, scared, bored, proud and angry like nothing else ever did.
Yeah I sometimes envy my brother, who has all the money and time in the world to do whatever he wants. But I secretly pity him as well, because he lives like a grown-up, self-centerd child without true responsibilities, and all his toys and holidays feel meaningless to me.
I couldn't recommend this to anyone but it is a true magic happens outside the comfort zone-experience that will never go away.

No.

No.

And also, no.

Long before I was diagnosed as being autistic and having ADHD, I knew that I would be a shitty parent. I'm often wrapped up in my own world and busy doing my own thing, and that doesn't work very well for relationships, and considerably less well for raising a child.

I have cats, I have a spouse. That's enough.

I worked in education circa 2000-2016, every age from newborn to 20-somethings, nursery, pre school, most school ages, teens, young offenders institutes.

Pretty sure I would be a good dad as I kept my cool even when i got stabbed in the arm

Wife doesn't want kids and I'm not that bothered either way. Happy to be "Uncle" to my friends' kids.

I'm a yes on kids and no regrets on having them. But I have a few comments on it.

• Kids can be very different. Don't decide based on how much you like someone else's kid.
• Having kids is great and gives life meaning and all that crap, but very few people start wanting kids after having them. If you aren't sure you want kids, please don't have kids! Not even one! The very least you owe a kid is a parent that wants them.
• If you do have kids, read a parenting book. Even better, read one or two every year. There are heaps of ideas on getting kids to cooperate, and arguably more important, making sure you don't actively hurt them, don't destroy their self esteem, make them live in fear of you, etc. I say read many because you'll find common themes, and ideas that click with you and work with your unique kids. One of the first ones I read suggested buying a baby gate so you could lock your two year old in their room alone when they were "naughty", pretty glad I kept reading other books.

And this is important to me but apparently not so much to others, but we are well onto the area of unsolicited advice and I'm rambling now so I'm just gonna say it: you have one job, you're raising adults. Make them cable, functioning adults but even more so do everything you can to make sure they make it to adulthood in good shape! Teeth get brushed twice a day, every day, no exceptions. Put them in a car seat every single time, don't be that parent driving their preschooler around with no car seat. The recommendations for what age to use car seats until are probably a lot older age than you're expected, do some reading. (also no kids under 12 in the front seat if there's an air bag). Watch them properly near water. Driveways are not playing areas. If you live near an ozone hole like I do then it's important to know that one bad sunburn as a kid can be a death sentence when they are older.

A shitload of kids never grow up for completely preventable reasons. One. Job. If you're gonna do it, make sure you take it seriously.

Also we live in different times. Google the shit out of any question you have. You can use incognito for the really stupid ones but still Google them if you aren't sure and it might be important.

Yes this rant was brought to you by some horrifying things I've seen.

nope, not now or in the future, no.

I have a young kid and about to have another one. I'm very happy with them. It's like I'm rising a puppy that can talk. I have a job flexible wfh work. So, I can take care of them with my partner.

The only downside are that I have a very small window of personal time, and I can't take too much financial risk as I used to, which is a good thing.

I think the decision making process behind having a kid is similar to the process when we decided to have a dog. You shouldn't have a dog just because someone push a pressure on you or something.

Having a kid has helped me learn and realize so much about myself and my life that I wouldn't have been able to learn otherwise. The same can be said about many of my other major life experiences. Sometimes I miss being alone and being able to do whatever the fuck I want, but I realize I'm still learning how to balance my life and seeing my child every day makes me happy (even if she is going through a hellion phase).

I love kids and would be a great parent but no on all three counts. I'd have to put aside my own life, my own plans and all the weird fun stuff I do because of kids. Not to mention the cost, even just got giving birth, would be nuts.

Kinda like how I love dogs but don't want to be a dog owner.

Nope! No interest at all. I definitely don't regret it as a millennial.

I have always been fine with children. I think seeing other people raise them with love and care and real emotional availability is the most heartening thing ever! I've even teared up a little when i see them do it well and with real emotional availability.

I was never interested but i had the question about whether i would with the right partner well into my 20's. I never felt like it was something missing from my life. Now that I'm older i see my friends all across the spectrum about the choice from joy to regret. I am confident, learning about time commitment, cost, and thinking about the liability of a human life, that i would be deep on the regret end. In fact i see not having children as the best choice I've made in life.

I'm thoroughly happy and content being child free.

I have a 7yo son and I do not regret having him at all.

I became a father pretty late in life, so I did all the traveling and partying I could before. Everybody around me started having kids anyway, and less friends where available when we were making plans.

Sure, life changes drastically when you have a child, but with a family of my own I now feel more rooted in life. It's a quality of it's own.

It was a nice time before, and I sure miss being able to decide more independently how to spend my time. But our family is a team with common interests and we enjoy spending time together.

As my son starts to be more independent himself, we now start following our own plans again one bit at a time. It is definitely a give and take scenario, but we three get a lot from it 😊.

Edit: More words to make things clearer.

I have kids and love it. There is 100% more trampoline in my life because of them. Mine are both autistic and have quirky interests which we've leaned into (visited the fan museum, attended the international carwash convention, and have spent countless hours at home depot, etc), so that's a little bit of a bonus. I have friends who don't have kids and are equally as happy. You just gotta choose the right path for you.