I sorta feel like men and women act more diffently from each other than gay and straight people.

If you were a man, I would've recommended not touching other men's penises, but then I remembered that "sacking" (aka. penis poking) is a thing.

I've seen some allegedly straight men defend the practice as if it were the straightest and most manly thing in the world to play that game.

Look no further: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-f3sNylbUI

I'm sorry you feel the need to hide who you are. I hope we can, as world societies, accept people for who they are. I know this doesn't answer your question (I don't really have an answer), I just absolutely hate it that this question even needs to exist. :(((

Terribly fitting clothes, terrible outfits, caribiner for your keys, "the wife"

Don't wash your ass

Don't smile at people. Do more of a grin with a nod.

Don't wave at people by shaking/waving your hand back and forth. Just do more of a grin and nod. At most a wave should just be exposing the palm of your hand to the other person for a second with fingers not touching.

When people say hello or whatever, just do more of a grin with a nod.

You get the idea.

Honestly I wish everyone spoke as clearly and articulately as gay men. Mumble and mangle your words together, and dumb down your vocabulary to sound like the typical straight dude. Think of yourself as a kid in school, the teacher just called on you, and you really don't want to answer.

For men, look straight ahead while walking and don't get out of anyone's way, act at all times like you expect them to get out of yours.