When washing your hands, water always is running into your sleeve.
And if you don’t wash your hands after using the toilet, your hands will be covered in Doritos dust for a day no matter what.
The bimetallic strip in your rice cooker is always slightly off no matter how much you fiddle with it.
You're always stuck behing a tractor on small roads.
Your text editor randomly uses a whitespace character whenever you press space.
Everything is lighted with slightly old fluorescent tubes.
Obviously pointless deskwork and frequent sync meetings that always include non technical stakeholders.
Everyone sleeps on wonky old futons that haven't been properly maintained.
Food deserts.
Everyone lives in old non sound insulated krushchevkas with loud neighbours.
The landscape is an infinitely repeated template of an excessively concretised city.
Constant warm overcast weather with high humidity and still wind.
Everyone is always slightly sleep deprived.
The water is always slightly too chlorinated and it doesn't evaporate.
I have so many ideas!
Constant slight cheese and urea smell.
One of your nostrils is always stuffed. They switch regularly.
The only available tea is British. (sorry I hate bland black tea and bergamot)
No hot meals.
All cuttlery is either sporks or Korean chopsticks.
All cooking knives are dull.
The only available cooking methods are microwaves with dead zones and induction stoves with long cycles.
Spices are forbidden.
Everyone is left handed with specifically right handed tools.
Everyone has ADHD. Medication is unavailable.
Light itch that moves.
Everyone needs glasses. They're always greasy and the correction is slightly off.
Everyone has a small bladder and there are always queues in front of restrooms. That might explain the smell.
Everyone is on a sliding/rolling schedule.
Non skipable ads are backed in physical objects.
Shoes are all a size off.
Here we go again.
All video content is in a language you don't fully understand and with slightly unsynched subtitles.
People always mispronounce your name.
All interior floors and walls are covered in dirty carpeting with burn marks.
Chairs creak when you move.
Ingrown nails.
Light psoriasis.
Windows Vista is the only available operating system. Phones use the regular UI. Computers are locked using the Windows 8.0 UI.
All touchscreens function as if you were using thin gloves.
Keyboards have a 10% chance to repeat or ignore the last character you typed.
Computers crash whenever you're progressing writing an essay.
Randomly organized huge everything stores.
Frequent houseflies that walk all over you.
You have to make phonecalls. The sound randomly interrupts and a few times when you try to repeat.
All pens are cheap ballpoints with ink issues.
Tinnitus.
Dead pixels on screens.
Conv calls always have someone with speakers and a malfunctioning microphone that lets you hear a garbled version of what you just said with a one second delay.
Code documentation was never invented. Your job is to pay technical debt on random projects.
An annoying relative is narrating your life.
Stereo sound fluctuates in intensity between both sides.
Slightly stale American bread is the only kind available.
Some more?
When showering the water temperature fluctuates while never being unbearable. Shared old bar soap.
Nails grow a centimeter a day.
Shared kitchen with teenagers.
Raspy toilet paper. No bidets. American doors.
Towels are magically constantly damp.
Random unexplainable crunch in food.
All stairs have an irregular awkward step.
People always answer half your questions.
Nonsensical infrastructure works that do nothing and constantly perturb road and foot traffic.
Neverending dry mouth.
Every charging cord is a bit old and randomly disconnects. You then have to fiddle with it for it to work again.
Shoelaces have very low friction.
Achy joints.
Payments work with a set of three debit cards. There is only one that works at a given time. Nobody remembers their pin. You have to get it on a buggy app.
Random bouts of akathisia (uncontrollable muscular restlessness) in the evening.
USB-A sockets are now star shapped with 18 possible orientations.
Internet uses old modems. Someone frequently uses the landline without notification.
I think perhaps you could build an entire community around this premise.
My list, FWIW:
Sinks in public washrooms either don’t turn on when you put your hand under it, or only turns on when you pull your hands away.
The other lane always moves faster.
Everyone is always, always clearing their throats.
Please, make this. I have too many communities, or I would
The first circle of heck is for people who listen to media in public without headphones. They shall walk through life with lots of AV media available to them, but the soundtrack never matches the video.
The second circle of heck is for the people who take up two parking spaces. They are damned to a place where they all have shittier cars than everyone else forever.
The third circle of heck is for people who pull fire alarms as pranks. They may live their lives as normal, except sometimes a loud noise will happen and they will be taken outside the building and drowned with a fire hose for awhile. Forever.
The fourth circle of heck is for programmers who don't document their code. They will be stranded in a country whose language they have no way of learning.
The fifth circle of heck is for Toyota engineers. For the sin of putting the oil filter directly underneath the exhaust manifold, they shall have the skin of the back of their hands blowtorched off a few times a day, every day.
The sixth circle of heck is for the people who just can't get out of the way at the grocery store. All of the delicious food they could ever want is buried 5 miles deep, and they are equipped with oven mitts on their hands for digging.
The seventh circle of heck is for people who modify their cars to have loud exhausts, get a dog that barks at all hours of the day, etc. They live normal lives, but they can hear the Sun.
Also, I'm reminded of Billy Joel's "Blonde Over Blue"
In hell there's a big hotel
where the bar just closed and the windows never open
no phone so you can't call home
And the TV works, but the clicker is broken
Giving me Hotel California vibes
It's actually a straight-up love ballad.
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