I’m in NC and one of my (voting age) coworkers heard me ranting about how republicans keep fucking everything up with evil, unamerican legislation at all levels of government and she was so surprised to hear something bad about republicans instead of democrats that she said:

“Wait, which one is which? I think democrats were.. the ones I don’t like..

What’s the difference?”

As fucking made up as this sounds I swear to god this is as close to verbatim as I can recall. The conversation started with the plastic bag ban in the outer banks that fucking supermajority cuntpublicans overturned— and how everyday republicans consistently vote to destroy the planet, only to benefit some rich cunts and the profit margins of big companies that they have zero vested interest in. It’s unreal how fucking stupid these people are.

“Violating international law” is pretty sterile/soft verbiage for fucking war crimes.

“Disrespectful of the dead to comment on the condition of a corpse”

Oh you mean like your original claim that they were decapitated?

It’s honestly fucking hilarious how hard Musk has Trumped this company.

People are still going to call it twitter and tweeting because it’s usable in a sentence. Calling it “x” is a thoroughbred-mouthbreather move. For example:

“Twitter tweeted an announcement that it would add disclaimers to tweets with misleading and false information regarding voter fraud”

“X x’d an announcement that it would add disclaimers to x’s that american elections are rigged and Trump and Musk are totally not the swamp they complain about”

“Blaze your glory!”

At a certain point it’s not trolling, you’re just being a retard.

They want it to be difficult to cancel. Shit like this should be illegal.

Us common folks may not have flying cars or jetpacks yet but this shit is pretty dope.

Everywhere I look everything is getting fucked to death. Insects, fish, entire ecosystems, entire climates, entire regions near the equator, all FUCKED.

Then my uncle says “how come it’s getting colder some places, I thought the globe was supposed to be warming! Hahahah”

At least he can arguably not give a fuck. He is rich and has no kids. I don’t get why the poors on the right side of the spectrum are so willing to parrot this idiotic bullshit though, don’t they realize their 600 even-poorer grandchildren are FUCKED?

This is the best summary I could come up with:

“Shocking cunt shocks with yet more cuntery!”

She’s apparently equally strong while seated in a crowded movie theater.

I would LOVE to see more of this. Looking at you GATORADE, with your half-inch-deep plastic rim on the bottom and new hourglass bottle shape. 32oz sized bottles are 28oz now and MORE expensive. Fuck shrinkflation to death.

I hate that evolutionary part of me that cares about having sex/a mate so much that I actually allow myself to become depressed based on the goddamn preferences of one person.

For years the only happiness I’ve found has been by removing myself from the market entirely and just writing off the notion of being with someone, a “with no hope/expectations there is no letdown” kind of thing.

I was carrying on just fine like this until I got a beautiful new coworker a few months ago who laughs at even my worst jokes like it’s going out of style. Alas though I’m sure she likes me I know I’m too old for her so here I am just unusually unhappy in my solitude for the first time in years. Ugh, is it time to get on tinder? I fucking hate the whole enterprise of dating.

This is more depressing than it is funny