Captured, then released. From the article:

Otherwise, she seemed to be in good condition and, as I released her, she sauntered away into the darkness, seemingly unfazed by her close encounter with me.

Libraries are really good friends.

I was confused as well, so I went out of my way to find this article which explains it.

Are they replying to themselves?

I would have if I had the luxury of storage.

• high suicide rate
• male loneliness has always been terrible and it's on the rise
• 19 out of 20 deaths at the work place are men
• most likely to have poor work-life balance
• most likely to be imprisoned
• most likely to be homeless
• most likely to NOT get custody of the kids they love

Pretty excellent, aye? These men just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

"On God". I think it's short for "I swear on God.", similar to "I swear on my mum's life.". It's an emphasis that you are telling the truth.

It's the only way to show that you are a true professional. 🥇

Having a place to live, ~~feeding a family~~, ~~having pets~~, having a house plant, ~~expensive hobbies,~~ going for walks

That's more like it.

The joke doesn't make any sense because the set up is missing.

In the TF2 video, the set up is that teleporting bread causes the bread to turn into monster bread.

Here is the original TF2 video, I have set it to start at the relevant part if you don't want to watch the whole thing.

https://youtu.be/GLlLQ3LmZWU?t=604

If it was one of those fake invoice PDFs I always get on my personal, I’d totally let a trojan onto the work network.

At least I'm not the only one. It took me half a minute to realise, then I went to IT with my tail between my legs.

even amateurs could make in a backyard lab, from indole and dichloromethane

I hope they don't. Dichloromethane ain't nothing to mess with. Wikipedia page section on its toxicity