Creampie, or santorum depending on which orifice it leaks out of...

Why would someone own 8 vehicles?

My uncle was like that - he was a contractor and realtor. He had several work trucks, each for a specific purpose, plus one general purpose, and half of them had snowplows of various sizes. Most of them had something wrong with them that didn't interfere with their specific purpose, but would have been a pain to deal with daily. Only new one was a minivan for driving clients to sites... Then he bought a house closer to town that had a flatbed truck left on it...

direct to VHS

No. Videotape, sure, but not VHS.

I put my leftover pizza in a Ziploc bag, it doesn't dry out even after a week (and probably longer, but at that point something else is eating it...)

Which side is the front? I don't think it's fallen off yet.

That works, just ask my two kids.

One of these things is not like the other...

No, if you fall off the rollers, your wheels just stop. Bicycle wheels don't have anywhere near enough mass for their momentum alone to move your body.

I just have to say, mine have not, and I'm a straight white male.

Which is a good thing, at least for how my mind works- leaving it up to the internet to fill in the details frees up space in my head to retain a greater breadth of vague knowledge...

Us (Arizona) yes I can, though I haven't in some years because my wife won't, and we don't need 2 cars... But I ride a motorcycle so I do get to handle a clutch still.

I'm with you. I recently asked my boss about part time options, and she laughed at me.