You may get more traction asking in the communities that exist for those tools: IntelliJ and Docker
8GB for two separate IntelliJ projects sounds low. You could try importing both into one instance as separate "modules" so that there is only one IntelliJ instance/window.
Depending on how you are running the VM, the host may be choking it through the host OS and leading to OOM. Especially with a tool like docker.
Edit: I see you commented usage of windows, you may need to look into wslconfig
I think JetBrains has fully bought into Gradle. I think Maven support has been less and less over time, which shouldn't be a surprise. Gradle supports native Kotlin build scripts (i.e.
build.gradle.kts
), as well as putting a lot of work into ensuring their tools fit well within the Gradle ecosystem (exhibit A: https://github.com/JetBrains/intellij-platform-plugin-template). I think it only natural for the creator/owner/maintainer of Kotlin to go full in on the build system that supports the language!controversial take: who still uses maven? who would prefer xml files over build scripts? (ok... fine, big timers like RedHat definitely do, or at least, have never taken/don't want to take the time to upgrade lol)