What elements that you consider core to the genre is it missing?

Slightly hotter, but still quite tame take:

Ham is the problem with Hawaiian pizza. Pineapple is innocent.

When poorly written or complex, maybe. I don't know how often I've had to focus on a headline.

Headlines are also written to be attention grabbing. I'd rather headline-specific grammar over clickbait. Maybe there's a different attention grabbing technique, but for now I'll gladly settle for headlines if given a choice.

Weisswurst looks very similar to the Swiss St Galler style bratwurst, but I've never had Weisswurst to compare.