I feel so young right now—I know what it means.

🍆 = I want your dick
🍑 = Between these cheeks
🥵 = Because I’m so hot for you I’m gagging for it right now

As a kid, I would see hundreds of them around bushes and trees. Now I see one or two per summer.

But that’s all gods plan, right?

It is clearly the raw croc power that makes you trip…certainly not because you’re running in a slip on sandal.

How did the attacker have a knife in a secure terminal?

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This is a truth that everyone under 30 denies until the day they turn 30. It’s like a magic spell is suddenly broken, and you realize you’re alone in an aging meat husk that now knows the glory of back pain.

I know a young person will read this and think this won’t happen to them. To that person: I am you from the future. Remember us as we were.

You are wrong, unfortunately. It sure would be a lot easier if our biology worked that way.

Johnny 5 is alive.

Is it weird that you prefer different tools for different jobs?

Nope.

You don’t have to lie, you just have to appeal to emotion with your pitch. Bernie was a great example of a populist candidate who knew how to make people feel passionate about things without lying to them. He got a lot of flack for repeating the same lines, but that is all that some Americans can handle—a slogan. He was smart enough to pick ones where most Americans instantly knew what he was about, and it felt good.

Nobody really knows what “build back better” means, and it sort of implies that we’ve been damaged in some way and need repair. MAGA doesn’t really mean shit either, but it implies that we’ve tended to be pretty great, and all we need is to remember those times and recreate them. It is supercharged with Hollywood’s nostalgic eye towards the past, and it doesn’t even require you to know why Medicare is good to want to get on board with it.

So, from that perspective, democrats need marketing. They need meme reacts, iconic looks, and coolness, and they need to stop trying to stifle the candidates they have who exemplify those qualities.

If they can’t figure that shit out, they’re going to keep losing at moments that they sorely need to win.

Please tell me they aren’t going to strip the soul out of the last game company that is doing something different. #LeaveNintendoAlone