Generally, I find fulfilment in doing things that are enjoyable which also have positive results. Work pays for stuff but I hate it, so it's not fulfilling.

Some current things in my life:

Studying something I love even if it's terrible for jobs.

Somewhat finding my groove in music making, making it feel less like pulling teeth.

Learning to drive in my stupid car that I love.

Oh, should have clarified: they thought the tip jar was a glass for their beer. When I'd already asked them if they wanted a glass.

So, so many; I have spent far too long in hospitality.

A relatively benign one: At a small coffeeshop. Found a quirky little hat behind the counter - a tweed fedora thing with a rakish orange feather in it. Full of youthful high spirits and caffeine, I proceeded to lark around the shop in the hat (yes I wish I still had that much energy), much to the amusement of my coworkers. A lady walks in, interrupting us. She'd left her hat.

At a bar: A nonzero amount of customers buying a bottle of beer and then pouring it into the tip jar (edited to add: thinking it a glass for their beer). Some version of "how was I supposed to know?!", repeatedly. I don't know, maybe the fact it was covered in chalk pen, contained money, and was very, very ugly?

At a pub: boomer getting very angry at me because he'd asked for a spiced rum and coke and I'd offered Sailor Jerry's (cheapest). Apparently that was a wussy drink. No, he clarified, a girly drink. He chose some other rum with coke. Yeah drink your sugar water old man.

This works so well. I use it when I get neuroma twinges or insect bites.

Definitely saved my sleep/sanity a few times.

aeiou

Is that Aphex Twin

That's fascinating and terrifying. There's a creepypasta in there for sure.

Hear, hear. Something that comes close to to how I feel about us killing our biosphere is a quote from Paul Ehrlich: "What we're losing are our only known companions in the entire universe".

I am so enchanted by all of the weird little lifeforms we are supposed to be sharing our world with. All their amazing intricacies, beauty, and evolutionary history. All of it (but especially birds! Birds are my favourite). It's so alien to me that people don't give a shit and, to the detriment of everything else, only care about looking inwards to other humans.

That was a ramble! Quite sleep deprived and loopy over here.

Oh, quite a big change for sure. And you'd be having the exact same thoughts on the other side if you'd taken that language job. That'd definitely be sitting in my thoughts.

That is so interesting. If you're willing to say, I'm curious about which fields they were?

I had a similar experience with radically switching majors (zoology to engineering). I just needed to know. However, in my case I sensed the door closing and dashed back in. Would've liked that engineering money though..

Engineering. Programming. Any kind of field with good jobs or stability.

I don't know how to articulate it properly, but I can't care about anything that is human-focused. I tried engineering and it made me extremely uncomfortable; like my soul broke apart and got put back together in the wrong way. Doomed to be a poor af zoologist/plant biologist :(

Binding of Isaac and Steven Universe. Oh no.