I would give anything to move abroad, but im into little to no things it takes to actually do so. And when I read about it, it seems a bit reasonable, but I lose all interest and motivation right there. Doubt myself and the usual.

I hate being american so much to where I want to do. I don't feel like writing much cause I feel pretty tired right now, but still Its become some sort of dysphoria for me. I feel inferior and I even hope to die in my sleep. I just wish that I were born European.

I do learn languages and I'm well aware of the issues over there.

I wonder to god why I was born here, but I know god doesn't really work like that or see things that way. So I probably pray.

I feel inferior literally

I don't relate to the history or culture (as if there is any) at all.

And some other stuff.

And I apologize if this seems very excessive. Its just really how I feel.

I can never move to Europe (West or scandanvia) or any better country cause assholes in control always want degrees and people who are good at math.

Not only that but I feel so inferior as an American. Everyday, I wish this country had never existed with how rotten and horrific it is. I sometimes think of praying to god (I dont care if you're an edgelord atheist, don't judge) for stuff like this or to get better at least. The only thing the US does right is its treatment of violent monsters in prisons, and even then, the system is still as shitty as the country itself.

I can't even call myself a a christian for how badly they ruined it for us.

I'm a completely useless person so I know I dont have a chance. I am someone who only has an interest in the arts fields with ADHD. But I am interested in coding. I constantly wonder why and wish that I was born abroad instead instead of suffering in a pathetic, gross cesspit of a country. And I'm already aware of all the problems in other countries, yet I constantly wish that I was born there instead. It makes me feel so bad when I hear someone is not american cause I feel even more isolated and I have no idea why.

Even the process of moving abroad makes it seem not worth it to me so I sometimes get stuck. I just wish i was never born. I feel so inferior.

I feel so isolated, so depressed and anxious whenever I think of things such as getting my GED or finally heading out to go to a dentist and get my teeth fixed. Or hanging out with my worthless, POS problematic family. I have no idea why. I know I'm not smart enough for the GED and I fear things going wrong. I just wanna get it done in just one or a few days. I just want to rest and live without a diploma since I believe I sorta have average intelligence as I was told before. I don't really have college plans cause I have no interest in anything, and I know there's some colleges out there that don't require a diploma or similar.

I just really wish I could pay someone to take it for me or do it in a way that doesn't take a long time or just bypass it. I don't even feel like living.

Quick introduction, I'm someone who has a massive fear of buggy/glitchy video game models for some reason, but over time I have gotten better I love horror films and I'm not really scared or disturbed easily. Forgot where I found this game and all things about it. One time, I was over my friend's house while waiting to set up a fun event and waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. The game was a creepy home invasion game in beta. I'll try to keep it short. Scary Guy breaks in, the sequence stars, I kill him after a while and that was it, things were going dandy. But suddenly, as blood began to pool when his body dropped to the ground, he held completely still, and his face SOMEHOW glitched out into a twisted, inhuman visage that was coloured completely white with his Eyes bulged widely out of his sockets, skin stretching like rubber, and his twitching mouth full of razor-sharp teeth.

So this weird thing with fear happened with me when vibrations get sent through my body, and before I fucking knew it, my mouth was wide open and it felt like someone threw a flashbang into the room due to my sudden hearing loss, only for me to realise that it was my own screaming filling up the entire room, and my friend's dog was completely alerted, leading to it circling around the room while barking loudly and having a huge panic. If that wasn't bad enough, the intruder's corpse began spazzing and throwing itself in random places, causing me to get even more scared, continue screaming and I started to thrash around profusely as if I were being lit ablaze or tased and I ended up throwing off the headset, alt + f4ing and uninstalling the game and even cleared it from my history (For some reason) before laughing like hell at myself a few minutes later.

I alerted so many concerned and terrified people who threatened to alert authorities for safety reasons and had to explain everything while trying not to die of embarrassment and I was heard by many other houses.

Hope you enjoyed this, this may be my only post here lol.