This is seriously awesome, thank you for posting this!

what does "snowed" mean in this context?

debian?

slaps on mobility scooter seat

This puppy runs on LibreScooterOS

I think I would still recommend this distro today because imho it's very usable if you've never used linux before and it is in my experience very stable and compatible

(although i use arch now btw, i would probably never recommend it as a beginner distro)

where screenshot of minecraft biome?

I think this is fabricated but still very true

*whispers* I stole that signature from cryptostorms warrant canary: https://cryptostorm.is/canary.txt

Yeah, you're right. Who thought that it was a good idea to name two things that mean a similar thing PGP and GPG? It is so easy to use the wrong one..

TempleOS?

followed by happieness because you found it on some .ru subdomain with 99% ads

*daemon