Let me guess, this is in Ohio?

I believe in no apostrophes in tips. Also tipping should be banned and thus not need to be taxed.

Who needs a six-pack when you can have a mini-keg.

Because that's all that is left on it

Is his face part of the pitcher, or in the liquid? If it's the latter, then he can turn it whatever way he likes.

I never realized she was an astronaut. They don't teach you that in Sunday school.

C++ EXISTS

Seagate is always finding new ways to brick your data!

I'm pretty sure it's a synonym of covfefe.

I'm guessing they slashed their own tires so they could post that someone was out to get them. Even though nobody cares enough about them to actually do that.

Cobol is the B-52 of programming languages. Sure there are fancy and expensive new ones or there, but it'll probably outlast them all.

ThreadX sounds like it should be the Microsoft equivalent to Twitter.