This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/threwawayplz on 2023-09-27 15:04:05.

I (30m) love my wife (30m) very much but we have been having some rocky mornings lately. She is a teacher and has to leave the house before 7am to be at work on time. I don’t have to be at work until later in the morning and usually sleep until 8.

Occasionally when I happen to wake up early I will help her get ready by making coffee or ironing her clothes but now she says she needs me to wake up at 6:30 and help her get ready every day. Am I wrong in saying she is being unreasonable to expect that every day?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/youcantusemyroom on 2023-09-27 14:40:28.

Throwaway bc I post filth on my main.

I don’t know how to format this but I’m 32, my fiancé Jay is 41 and his friend Matt is about the same age. I know my fiancé has definitely given me spoiled princess treatment and I don’t know if that’s coloring the way I see this or if I’m right.

When Jay bought his house it was a 3bd/3ba but he wanted a fireplace in his bedroom so he converted the den and now it’s 4 bedrooms. But it doesn’t have a closet and the nearest bathroom is the smallest. He used the master bedroom for guests.

I’ve been slowly moving in over the last few months and I brought up needing more space and he gifted me the master bedroom as my personal space. I have plenty of room in the bathroom and closet and I can use the room for my altar and my cats’ stuff. Plus I’m chronically ill and sometimes it’s better to sleep alone. He turned his office into the new guest room which is a much smaller space.

I don’t actually live there yet though and won’t for maybe ~6 months.

His friend Matt lives out of state but took a project in our city and was going to stay here with Jay for 12 weeks. The last time Matt visited, he was in the master bedroom and I guess he under the impression that he would using that room again.

He seemed surprised when he got here but he didn’t say anything right away. It started after a couple days though - “it’s such a small room for an extended stay”, etc. little comments but it’s been about 2 weeks and yesterday, I was over putting my summer stuff away in the closet and he came in to ask if I’d be okay with him moving to that room because he felt cramped in the other and I declined. I already have stuff in there that I do not want anyone touching and I would be uncomfortable with him in there.

He got upset and called me selfish and a “pampered little princess” and that he thought it was so weird that I was being “like this” when I don’t even live here. I said it didn’t matter, it’s still my room and it’ll be my house too soon enough so who cares about technicalities. We argued and it escalated and it ended with me telling him to gtfo if he couldn’t respect me. I think he thought Jay wouldn’t let me do that but he took my side and asked Matt to find an Airbnb for the rest of his stay. I ended up going home for the night but I know Jay and Matt stayed up arguing about it for most of the night and their friendship is done.

I was telling my sister about it this morning and I was surprised when she wasn’t on my side. She said she couldn’t understand why I’d tank my fiancé’s friendship when I could just let him use the room since I’m not even moved in yet. She accused me of taking advantage of my fiancé and being selfish.

And she’s right, Jay will take my side even when I know I’m wrong so him agreeing with me isn’t a good litmus test. But I don’t think I’m wrong, it’s my room and I didn’t want him in there. It’s not like he had to sleep on the couch, it was just a small room. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/crimsontide5654 on 2023-09-27 14:38:21.

AITA? I'm a 54/M my wife 54/F. We've been married 16 years and during that time I have paid for everything. She has a law degree from her country but gave up being a lawyer to come here. She is a us citizen. She has only had jobs where she would work 2-4 hours per day for about 14-16$ per hour. She took care of our daughter who is now 12 and in 7th grade. I have worked since I was 12 and in retirement I have social security, my 401k, my inheritance, and other investments. As I said currently I pay for absolutely everything we do and have and owe. She works and say that is her money and the money I make is our money.

I told her last night that i love her but if she thinks she doesn't need to step up and get some savings and start paying the bills (been saying for 4 years) and consider money for retirement, that I don't plan on staying with her to cut my retirement savings in half and just squeak bye and drag her across the finish line. That she shouldn't consider me her retirement plan. She said, "Why should i be with you if you wont take care of me," "You are an asshole". Again AITA?

EDIT: OK I may have worded this poorly. I only said that I would expect her, since she is working, to help pay some bills to help the family and to consider starting an IRA to help her with her retire goals. That considering me as her sole source of income in retirement is not a good plan for either us.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Agreeable-Guard-9469 on 2023-09-27 14:15:38.

I have a 14yo daughter from a previous relationship and my wife has 2 sons(16,13)

I had a vasectomy after my daughter to make sure I won't have other kids.

I spoil my daughter however I can, this includes brand clothes, expensive schools and best electronics and before anyone decides that my daughter is a brat I should say that she is an extremely well behaved kid.

The problem is my wife and her ex can't afford the same for their sons and they are angry that our kids have completely different living situations while living at the same house. My wife thinks I should be spoiling her sons too but I can't afford it so I told her that's not my problem and they have 2 parents who should be spoiling them

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/theesaanne on 2023-09-27 10:33:13.

My husband's (44m) sister (36f) thinks we should come visit more and blasted us on Facebook that we are horrible people and never visit her and her severely disabled son(11).

I (48f) would be the one bringing our 13 year old twins to visit because my husband is a truck driver and never home. We also live across the country and we also have health issues just not as severe as our nephew.

Tonight's issue started with she had posted a couple things on Facebook that didn't sound quite right about getting a service dog for our nephew. I have a service dog and have trained 3 others plus my mom worked with Canine Companions and guide dogs out of the bay area when I was little and has also trained 4 of her own so I know a little something about service dogs. I mentioned my concerns to my husband and another family member who lives with us, and said I was staying out of it but I was worried that the trainer and dog were not the right fit for what he needed.

Well both of them decided separately to ask a couple questions privately by DM to make sure they were doing the correct research on what was needed. This caused her to blast us by saying we were horrible people who don't visit or call all the time and shouldn't have questioned what they were doing and should visit more to have any say.

So some of the reasons we don't visit often is the cost of travel, she is a recovering addict, we have nothing in common, and you have to be very careful what you say because she twists what you say and lies to other family members about you. The other main reason is that both my kids are autistic and have issues being around their cousin due to over stimulation.

So part of me just wants to block her and not deal with that side of the family. The only reason we are not NC is because of nephew. So am I the asshole

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ShoeStunning8463 on 2023-09-27 11:57:54.

My ex cheated on me for most of our relationship. I found out during my pregnancy with our daughter and he had the other girl pregnant too. My daughter was a June baby and theirs was an October baby. They also got married that following February. To say things between us have been tense is an understatement. Ex's wife didn't know immediately that he was with me, or that we had been together since we were 15. She hated me for overshadowing her own pregnancy with mine. She hated me even worse when she needed an emergency c-section and had so many complications that a hysterectomy had to be carried out. The tension between us all then was at it's worst. Ex's wife wanted me to give up my daughter for them to raise both girls together as "real sisters" and when I refused we had all the drama. I don't even think she would have been able to love my daughter had I done that. But I think she wanted more than one badly enough that she thought my daughter would do since she was already born.

Ex and I now communicate through an app mostly. We share custody of our daughter (14) and exchanges happen at school pick up time to minimize the contact between us. This has worked for many years, though I know not ideal for my daughter overall.

My daughter and her half sister have a very high conflict relationship. It's over me and ex's wife. Ex's daughter has picked up her mom's attitude toward me and dislikes me and believes I keep her sister from "her real family" and my daughter doesn't like ex's wife which annoys her half sister. This has been communicated to me a number of times by my daughter and also by my ex, who will send random texts about it. I never respond because our mandated communication is done through the app.

Ex and his wife had some financial problems over the last six month. For my daughter's birthday she got a card and a gift card and my ex told her in advance he wouldn't be able to get her much. I was able to get her a present as normal though. I splurged a little this year and got my daughter a gaming laptop. She was so happy. Ex became aware of this when my daughter spent a bit of time with her grandparents and she asked them if she could bring the laptop to their house. Ex asked her about it and she told him I bought it as her birthday gift.

Now ex's daughter's birthday is a couple of weeks away and he wants me to buy her a gift, something I have never done before. He said the money situation is still tight and he doesn't want her to get nothing. I told him I would not be buying her a gift and he blew up the app and my phone saying I should be doing this so his daughter isn't left with a lackluster birthday. Ex said I had never done anything to help the dynamic with the girls and never cared about the pain he and his wife were in and this was one thing I could do.

AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sky_C_1503 on 2023-09-27 08:52:43.

First of all I wanna say English is not my mother tongue so I apologize por any mistakes you might find in this post.

Now I (20f) was born and raised in latin america. I got the opportunity to travel to the US to learn English, I'm currently residing in Oregon and I'm a few months away from going back to my country. I started dating Josh (20m) some months ago, it has been really fun and he wanted me to experience more of his culture before I left so last week he invited me over to his parents' house for a bbq and to watch an american football game (his family is crazy about this sport).

He was specially excited for me to meet his brother's wife Carla (30ishf), he told me Carla had cuban ancestry and was really proud of it, he even showed me her social media and her username was like Cubanmom1, she had numerious tiktoks about being a latino in the us and basically everything in her feed revolved around her being cuban. He also told me she says she misses living in miami as the latino comunity is bigger there.

So when the day came I went to greet his brother and carla and I started to speak to her in spanish, nothing crazy I just introduced myself. She didn't answer straight away and just stared at me, I got nervous and kept babbling in spanish until she said "excuse me" and ran off to the bathroom, her husband followed her and I was left there standing with josh and their kids. It was a bit akward since josh parents were watching us and expected Carla to be thrilled to meet me but no one said anything and we just carried on. They kept their distance from us the rest of the evening and when josh was about to take me home his brother asked pulled us aside and asked me to apologize to Carla for "making stupid assumptions about her and for trying to make her look like and idiot in front of his folks". Apparently Carla is not fluent in spanish and only knows some words. I really didn't think it was that big of deal and said "I'm sorry it was an honest mistake, I saw most of your social media is based off on you being Cuban, I assumed you'd know the language". Her husband got super mad and started to raise his voice, demanding I give a better apology, Josh just dragged me out before we could make an ever bigger scene and since then both Carla and his brother had been complaining to him and his parents for my behaviour, saying I was out of line and need to apologize properly. His parents are staying out of it, Josh is on my side and has told me multiple times I have nothing to apologize for. I also don't think I did anything wrong but they decided this is a hill to die on.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/theshamewizard on 2023-09-27 07:11:32.

AITA for getting up and leaving in the middle of my first date… twice.

AITA

Tonight I went on a first date. I matched with this guy on hinge a couple days ago, we chatted a bit, exchanged numbers and eventually set up a date for tonight. 2 hours ago.

I pull up to the address he gave me and he texts me that he was going to be a few minutes late. No worries. He calls me as he pulls in and finally tells me where we’re going (he wouldn’t tell me before just gave me the address of a shared parking lot). I was walking around a little lost trying find the place as we’re on the phone when I hear him at the bar ordering a drink. Maybe I’m dramatic, but if I can’t find the place we’re meeting at why aren’t you trying to help me instead of going inside and ordering a beer????? Anyway red flag number one. Maybe number two since he wouldn’t tell me where we were going in the first place.

I hang up, I find the bar, I go in, I order a drink, and we sit down at a counter next to each other looking out on the pier. We make a little conversation, and very little eye contact for about 20 or so minutes, maybe even less, while we browse the menu. He was staring out on the water and would randomly say things like “Oh we’re so lucky” “I love the water” “Isn’t this just the best”. But he genuinely did not seem like he was enjoying his time with me. Did not try to ask me questions or make conversation, eye contact, he just didn’t seem that into me. It was nothing super awkward, but definitely not vibing like we were on the phone.

20 minutes in, he says “I gotta go pee, if the waitress comes when I’m gone you can order the appetizer”. Fine. Except…. five, six, seven, then EIGHT minutes goes by and he’s not back from his tinkle. It starts to cross my mind that maybe he left? He had left his card down for the drinks when we ordered, so after 10 minutes I thought, well, at least I got a free drink, I’m out.

I walk back to my car and just as I put my keys in the ignition he texts me asking where I am.

I told him, “ I thought you left so I did too.” I said “you took 10 minutes to pee” He replies that “he didn’t pee but ok”.

I call him and ask if he wants me to come back, he says yes, he’s still there drinking his beer.

I walk back and I sit down and he’s fully engaged in the conversation with the woman next to him. Who also seems to be on a date. She’s a lot older so I’m not assuming he was flirting. However, he didn’t even acknowledge the fact that I came back. I sit there for 4-5 minutes on my phone scrolling Reddit while he continues to ask this woman questions and have a full blown conversation with her.

So, again, for the second time, I gather my stuff up, and leave.

I drove home and got a text from him soon after that reads “I went to the bathroom and was having a conversation so kinda think about if your reaction was justified..but thanks for coming “

Which leaves me thinking… AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SilangVw on 2023-09-27 10:44:07.

The day after my(18m) girlfriend(18f) admitted to cheating on me, she died in a car accident. Came as a shock. I offered my condolences to her parents and sister since they were family friends. Wasn't going to completely cut THEM off even if she lived. Her parents were nice to me but her sister(17f) started accusing me of 'cutting brake lines.' She said the timing was very suspicious and accused me of being responsible for the accident.

A week later, the parents contacted my parents, telling me she would like to apologize for accusing me. I don't want to hear her apology though. She literally accused me of doing one of the worst things someone can do. My parents said I could afford to be sympathetic to someone who just lost her sister.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Lilybell3 on 2023-09-27 03:53:08.

AITA?

My husband 39m and I 40f have been married for five years. We were together for twelve years before that.

I am diagnosed with bipolar disorder amongst other things. I take medication for it. I have since long before I met him.

He is a clean freak and won’t let me leave my one bottle of pills on the bathroom counter beside my toothbrush because “it looks cluttered”. He stashes them in the hall closet every time he sees them.

Because I am absent minded from time to time if they are not right in front of me as part of my morning brushing my teeth routine, I sometimes forget to take them. This is not good for either of us.

He has weaponized this as ammunition every time I disagree with him. “Did you forget to take your pills?”. Maybe! Because you keep hiding them and disrupting my routine!

This is not always the case. Sometimes he throws this at me and I know damn well I haven’t missed my meds but he says it anyway.

I told him if he just let me keep my freaking meds beside my toothbrush I would remember to take them when I brush my teeth in the morning. Not that hard.

His excuse tonight was that if they are in plain sight like that someone could mess with them. I’m sorry? Who is going to mess with them? We live in our house alone. No kids. Not often company, usually family if ever. Who would mess with my meds?! And how?!

He has stormed off and I am sitting on the patio wondering wtf! AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PartyProfession946 on 2023-09-27 08:25:38.

I (25F) have an older brother, Nick (38M). Nick was married to his childhood sweetheart Cassie until her death 10 years ago. They had two children together. Cassie was a beloved member of our family. She was essentially my sister because I grew up knowing her and she was awesome. My brother loved her so much too.

Nick never dated or had a romantic relationship after Cassie died. He has always appeared happy to me. Maybe not the same kind of happy that he was with Cassie, but happy all the same. He focuses on different things other than relationships. Which is something that bothers our parents. Two years after Cassie died they started suggesting my brother could leave the kids with them and go out to meet some women. They introduced him to women they thought would be a good match for him, including some widows. My brother told them he was not interested in dating and he would appreciate it if they didn't push. My parents never stopped pushing and over the years they have strained their relationship with Nick and my nephews. About a year ago my nephews said their dad didn't need to have a woman to be a good dad, my parents suggested their lives would be better with a mom for the boys and a wife for Nick and that he would have an easier time parenting, and did they ever stop to think their mom was impossible to match for their dad. They also told my parents that they never ever wanted a new mom and that they hated the assumption otherwise, an assumption my parents often brought up.

I have spoken to my brother and to the boys. I support them and they talk to me sometimes. It can be good for them to get it all out. I have also told my parents to back off in the past and pointed out that Nick is happy. They don't listen to me or care to hear me speak on it.

My brother took time from our parents and our parents grew tired of this. So a few days ago my parents decided to show up at my brother's house, while I was there, and they told him it's unhealthy to not have moved on into a new relationship. They said if Cassie had been such a terrible wife, his marriage that bad or if she had made him promise to never find another partner then he should find a way to get over it and move on. My brother kicked them out and told them he never wanted to see them again.

My parents decided to complain about it to me. I told them they had always been insensitive when it came to my brother's love life after Cassie but they had taken things way too far this last time and there was no repairing things. I told them it was disgusting to shit all over Cassie just because my brother didn't want to continue the life the way they wanted. They said I didn't care about my brother's happiness and didn't even try to see their side. Yesterday they said I was rude and it was uncalled for. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/QuietContest9708 on 2023-09-27 08:12:10.

Title sounds horrendous. I'm not even sure myself if I(34F) feel bad because I'm the AH, or I just feel bad for my ex(44M). It's from a while ago but still bugging me. I'm sorry it's so long.

In an attempt to condense why we broke up: we were together for ~8 years. He had major spending issues. Collectibles, appliances, gadgets, you name it. I felt like I was drowning in a hoard (and debt) of stuff. Every argument we had, I somehow ended up comforting him without a resolution. We weren't having sex, he was addicted porn. SO much more, and we brought out the worst in each other. We also had fertility issues that we could never save up enough to treat.

I was depressed for a long time, and one night when he asked me why I was avoiding him, I let it all out. He got very defensive, and I again somehow ended up comforting him. I stayed up all night crying because I couldn't stand it anymore, and in the morning he asked me why didn't come to bed, then said "what if I'd had a heart attack?"

Folks, this was the exact moment I knew I probably wanted to get a divorce, because it was a slap in the face of an example of his self-centredness. As if he couldn't have had a heart attack the million other nights he slept on the couch while I was upstairs alone.

He doubled down by blaming my best friend for "poisoning" me (even though she was trying to convince me to work it out), sent flirty messages to another good friend within a week, and made a very cringey comment about dating my mom. All of that was enough for me to know we were done, but the icing on the cake was finding out he had almost immediately joined dating sites (and soon upgraded to premium memberships) all the while expressing to me that I was his world, he'd do anything to make it better to get back together.

Shortly after my ex moved out, an online friend (35M) learned I was single and started getting flirty. I casually flirted back, but when I found out my ex had joined dating sites, I allowed this new fling to progress. I figured, why not? If my ex feels ready to move on, why can't I? We met up twice, and I know that it was wild and dumb (and wonderful), but I found myself pregnant on that second visit, around 7 months after my ex and I separated.

My ex now hates me, spent at least the first year+ trash talking me (because of course I blindsided him during our happy marriage) and this has been bugging me for years. The professionals I have confided in about this say that I shouldn't feel guilty, as his outcome was never my responsibility, but I can't shake the guilt that I got my happily ever after and he's still alone and likely forever childless.

I'll totally own that I was dumb and irresponsible for getting knocked up, but AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Wesollsa on 2023-09-27 05:31:22.

My(18m) mom(54) started dating her fiancé (22) two years ago. He was my little sister’s babysitter.

He asked her to rehome our cat before he moves in. When I found out I begged her not to. We argued before coming to an arrangement.

Mom gave the cat to my dad who I went to live with. Dad was very happy when he heard the offer and accepted. Mom’s boyfriend moved in with her and my little sister.

Now mom’s asking me to attend her wedding. I would have to take a four hours flight to get there which she said I should pay for myself, along with the flight back. I don’t want to use up that much of my own savings at this point and I don’t feel right asking my dad for that money either.

She said I’m being selfish and should think of her first sometimes, telling me I have to be there for her.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Bride2b2b2b2b2b2b21 on 2023-09-27 04:11:00.

I (33f) am getting married next month. My fiancé (36m) James is from Ghana. We have been together five years and has met my entire family. Our parents have met and got on well. My family are sorta generic white Americans (this is important). As far as I know, everyone liked everyone just fine.

Last year my older sibling Robyn (40) came out as trans (MtF). In the aftermath, her marriage of 16 years to Sarah ended. Sarah and Robyn had been together since they were teenagers, so I have known Sarah since I was in elementary school. After the divorce, Sarah and I have remained friends. We chat occasionally and I help her when I can with my niece and nephew.

My niece and nephew will be the flower girl and ring bearer in my wedding. I have, of course, also invited Sarah.

Robyn learned about this last week and is furious. She says that she doesn't feel comfortable coming to the wedding if Sarah is going to be there and feels betrayed by me. I told her I am sorry she feels that way, but I have known Sarah my hold life and the only thing "Sarah" has done wrong is saying she no longer wants to be married to Robyn if Robyn identifies as a woman and is going to pursue medical transition. Sarah has worked hard to keep the divorce amiable. That I know.

Today, my mother called me and said she had spoken to Robyn. Mom says Robyn told her that I was siding with her "transphobic ex wife." I understand this might be how Robyn interprets events. But this is the part I don't get: Robyn told my mom that James had been transphobic to her. I can't imagine when or how since they had never been alone over the past year and James hasn't said much at all to her ever. I told my mom this and my mom said she was unsure because, "James is from Africa after all."

I, of course, defended James. I also called Robyn and said I didn't want her after my wedding.

Robyn cried. She eventually called my mom and said she had lied about James because she was made at me. My mom says I should give Robyn a chance to apologize. I am standing firm. I don't want here at my wedding.

So AITA for not giving Robyn a chance to apologize and come to the wedding.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Gullible-Nose9502 on 2023-09-27 07:06:36.

I just got back from my friend's wedding in Mexico. It was at a fancy all inclusive. Everyone mostly did their own thing with only a few group events planned, other than the wedding and reception obviously.

One of the group activities was dinner out at on of the restaurants that required a reservation. It was beautiful and the service was fantastic.

One hiccup. The best man did not want potatoes. He wasn't allergic, potatoes did not take out his parents in a dark alley, and he hasn't sworn to avenge them. As far as I know anyways.

I speak spanish and after he asked me I asked the waiter to please not serve him potatoes. Well you know where this is going.

He was maliciously served potatoes. And he would not shut up about it. He pointed out to everyone at our table that he had been served a starchy tuber against his will. Other tables were watching him and listening to him getting upset about the potatoes.

He ate the rest of his meal but would not drop the potatoes. I couldn't take it any more. I reached over and grabbed the potatoes with my hand and put them on my plate. And then I ate them. He just sat there stunned. Then he got up and went to his suite.

He avoided me the rest of the time there but he made sure to tell everyone what an asshole I was and how unladylike my behavior was.

I just wanted him to STFU about the potatoes.

My friend wants me to apologize for causing drama.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Anon543260 on 2023-09-27 02:53:48.

I (15F) went no contact with my mom after she called the cops to my house. For context, my mother hasn’t had custody of me for almost 5 years and I live with my dad and grandmother. My mom has visitation every other weekend that I’ve been more than happy to fulfill each time. I always make it a point to spend time with her and my two other brothers (8M and 5M).

Early in August, I had to stay with her for a week over the summer. She didn’t even pick me up, she had my uncle come and drive me to her house instead. My mom texted me her schedule, and informed me about how busy she would be. That night she would get out of work at 10:30pm, then every other day work from 3-7pm and promised we’d do something after together. I had a feeling she’d be too tired to do anything with me, but agreed anyways.

That night I got my period and texted her asking where the pain killers were. She texted me back that there were none and the only pads there were too small for either of us to be usable. I told her, and my mom had just said to suck it up.

The next morning mom woke me up at 5 to tell me how to take care of my brothers while she was not there. Including making them specific breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. While telling me to just figure something out for myself. She also told me she’d buy more pads when she had the money for it. My brothers are spoiled by my mom. They hit and kick, without any consequences and are put in front of a screen all day.

I kinda just that day and just decided to babysit them, maybe she’d just had a bad day and tomorrow she would just call another family member to babysit them after seeing how much I hated it. But she did the exact same thing the next day, waking me up at 5am to explain what to cook. My mom also mentioned how, as a treat for me babysitting, she was going to take me shopping for my brothers school supplies. Not for me, or hygiene, but pencils and notebooks for my brothers.

Not even half way through the day and 2 fights with my brothers later, I texted my dad to pick me up and started packing my things. I fed both of the boys before I left and texted her about it half-way to my house. I did not tell her he picked me up and lied saying that an uber had driven me home. My mom started to spam call and text me, claiming I was going to make a big problem for her. I explicitly told her I would not be coming over just to be a free babysitter because it wasn’t fair to me or my time.

Not even minutes after I got to my house, my mom and a cop were at my door trying to guilt me into going back and staying with her the rest of the week. I refused to leave my doorstep and quietly listened to their rant. Then outwardly saying no after they finished and closing the door on her.

My mom texted me, “I love you unconditionally but when you are ready we can make amends” the next day. I told her not to come over anymore and we haven’t spoken since. My aunt has since taken over my moms weekends and I sleep over at my cousin’s instead. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/BurritoSupreme420 on 2023-09-27 05:26:18.

I ordered online from a restaurant for pick up. I didn't really pay much attention to the breakdown of the price, I just submitted the order. When I got there and paid I realized on the receipt that I was charged a 20% tip which must be a default on their website that you have to opt out of. This meant I was charged an additional $30 just to pick up my own food (the total of the food alone was actually $150).

While I realize it was my own mistake for not checking I also thought it was malicious to put that there by default and so I asked for a refund for the tip amount. When I told my wife about this she thought it was very rude of me to do that and it as wan asshole move.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ForwardClock9113 on 2023-09-27 04:03:07.

For the past week, my wife and I had been anticipating a baseball game for which we had purchased tickets. We like baseball, but we don't attend many games, so traveling into the city to see games is a rare treat. I know, though, that it would take time to drive there and find parking, due to traffic. Because the game started at 7 PM, and we live about 45 minutes from the stadium, I told her this morning that she needed to be ready to get in the car and go by 6 PM.

Well, my wife is an avid gamer, so she was engrossed in her latest video game when the clock struck 5:45 PM. She has struggled to plan in the past, and I get tired of reminding her that she needs to budget time to get ready. It's as if she has no concept of time at all, similar to a young child. Well, I was ready to go by 6 PM, and she was in the bathroom. I saw this as an opportunity to teach her personal responsibility, so I simply left the house without saying a word, got in the car, and started driving to the game.

It took my wife a few minutes to figure out what I had done, but when she called me, she was absolutely furious. She said that it was a completely unacceptable move for me to leave without telling her and that she now had no way to get to the game without paying for parking. I told her that I got tired of constantly waiting for her and that she would plan better next time if she didn't want to get left behind. I also reminded her that I had told her that morning when I expected her to be ready to leave. Absolutely none of this seemed to matter, though, and she rudely hung up on me after yelling out more insults.

Frankly, I think it's completely insane that a grown woman is unable to budget her time, and I'm starting to suspect that she is doing this on purpose because she's a narcissist who expects me to accommodate her. After all, she's not a dumb woman. She has a science degree. Well, she never showed up to the stadium, and I didn't hear from her the whole game, but when I got home, there was a note on the door. She told me that I wasn't welcome in the bedroom and that I should sleep on the couch. I can't believe she wants to be this much of a pill. If I had waited for her, I would have missed the first pitch. I made my expectations clear, and she couldn't be bothered to meet them. I feel like she should be apologizing to me. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Mediocre_Welder_1408 on 2023-09-27 05:21:10.

So tonight my suspicion that my two boys lied to me about something last weekend. I had placed an order for a grocery delivery and got things just for me. Specifically Oreos. My wife and I were out when the delivery came in and my boys had put everything away.

When I asked where my Oreos were, they said they didn't see any. I assumed they didn't have them in stock. I checked and saw that they billed me for it. My wife said they probably forgot it and would buy me a package later.

I went into my 11yo's room today to collect his laundry and looked under his bed and saw an empty Oreo package. I spoke to my wife and she said to drop it. I said I'm not dropping it. Those were my Oreos and he lied.

I called him downstairs and asked him if he ate my Oreos. He looked at his mom and I said she's not bailing you out. He said he ate them with my 13yo son. I called his ass downstairs and he said he ate them too.

My wife jumped in and said no video games this weekend. Then my boys said "you were the one who said we could have them!"

Apparently they saw the Oreos and texted her if they could have some. She said SOME. They ate them all. But they said they both had some but not one of them ate them all! She didn't want to deal with it and said just don't tell your dad and she'll buy me a new package.

I told my wife that she lied that the store forgot them so how is she going to punish our kids for lying? I said don't punish them unless you're going to be punish yourself. Be a grown ass woman and own your shit. This isn't about Oreos it's about lying. If you don't take a punishment then those boys are losing video until you do.

So now she's paying for the groceries this week out of her own money and my boys are still grounded this week.

I made it wasn't about eating my Oreos but lying.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Yukoner14 on 2023-09-27 03:41:11.

Last week, my family flew out to Tampere to visit with our relatives in Finland. I was bringing and raised there until I moved to Canada, where I met my wife and raised my kids (14M & 8F).

My son had a lot of fun there and spent a lot of time doing some traditional activities (hiking, Finnish cooking, bonfires, etc) and as many of you will know a big part of Finnish culture is Sauna.

My brother in-law owns a nice one by a lake that we went to one day. We all undressed outside the building, since it necessary to be undressed in any sauna, and headed in. My son was lingering behind, and I asked him why. He told me he didn’t want to be seen naked, and that we thought we should walk back to the car and get his swimsuit. I told him he was being ridiculous, and that in this culture no one thinks twice about nudity.

He was still very nervous, but I told him either west nothing or wait in the car. Eventually he came in unclothed, but still seemed bothered for some time, but this wore off quickly. He got a real authentic experience in his culture.

However, when I relaid this to my wife, she was also bothered. She told me I should’ve let him wear it or even worn mine alongside him. I think people truly don’t understand how relaxed Finnish people are about nudity, especially among the same gender. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Perhaps37 on 2023-09-27 01:01:59.

I F23 was asked by one of my best friends F23 to be a bridesmaid in her wedding along with our other friends. Everything was going fine until her bachelorette party. She asked us for a stripper. It was the one thing she really wanted to have but her fiance M30 told her absolutely no strippers. She decided she wanted one anyways and that she would just keep this a secret for him. A week after her bachelorette party one of the bridesmaids ex boyfriend logged into her messenger and took one of the videos we had sent of that night and sent it to the brides fiance. It was a video of her literally throwing dollar bills on the stripper. The fiance was extremely upset and the bride decided instead of coming clean she was just going to blame the whole thing on us the bridesmaids. She told fiance that she told us not to get her a stripper and that we still did anyways. She also said she only got one dance and then went into her room until he was gone which is also not true. Now fast forward to one week before the wedding the bride texts us to say that her fiance is very upset at us and does not want us to be in the wedding anymore. She then also says that we need to apologize to him. Yes, apologize to her fiance for HER lies. I did it. We all did. We sent the apologies and everything is pretty much fine now but I’m very upset at my friend for asking us to do that in the first place. I was fine to take the fall for her until she wanted us to apologize to him. Am I the asshole for not wanting to be a bridesmaid in her wedding anymore?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/sl89001 on 2023-09-27 03:17:22.

My sister (30F) called me yesterday morning to tell me that her partner (45M) had been rushed to the hospital. She was in hysterics and I stayed on the phone with her until she was able to make it to the hospital. She works and her partner stays home with the kids (I do believe he's on some sort of disability/unemployment benefit though). Together they have three kids who are 7, 5, and 2.

Here's some background on me and my sister...we had actually not spoken for almost an entire year since her most recent call to me. We have a really strained relationship starting from our childhood, which was exacerbated by our parents. I'll be honest in saying that my parents always favored me and labeled my sister as a "problem child." Since her teens, she's been involved with heavy drug use and partying. She graduated high school, but dropped out of community college. Our strict, traditional Asian parents shunned her from their lives after she dropped out of college. They effectively disowned her and pretend that they never had an older daughter. My parents haven't spoken a word to her in almost a decade and they have never met their grandchildren.

For the last decade, I've tried to maintain a positive relationship with my sister, but she's betrayed my trust too many times to count. Borrowing money and never returning it, stealing my items and pawning/selling them, bringing me into unnecessary drama in her life, etc. To be honest, I've been trying to distance myself from her for the last 3-4 years since she's caused me nothing but pain, stress, and suffering.

Then last night, she called me again to let me know that her partner had suffered a severe stroke and had emergency surgery. The doctors say they are still very unsure of his prognosis. She then begged me to take in her children for the time being, saying how she can't afford any childcare and that she'll lose both her jobs if she's forced to stay with the children.

Now here's the thing, me and my boyfriend's five-year anniversary is coming up. We've already bought tickets, requested PTO, and made accommodations for a two-week trip to Europe starting from this Friday. The total trip, including airfare, costed us $18,000, most of which is non-refundable.

I told my sister I'd call her back and let her know after I spoke with my boyfriend. He said it was my choice completely. I decided that I wanted to go on our anniversary trip, which I had been looking forward to for a full year.

I called my sister back and told her that I couldn't because of our trip. She started sobbing over the phone and lashed out at me, calling me cruel and selfish. She said that we could afford to just rebook our vacation and we didn't need that money back, but she was going to lose her job and her children if she couldn't find someone to take them in.

It was a really tough conversation, but I stuck with my decision. It's been almost a day since our call and I won't lie, I do feel a lot of guilt. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ExcitementSecure2737 on 2023-09-27 01:04:34.

I (29f) recently moved to the US with my girlfriend Emma (27f). We met 3 years ago when she moved to the UK to get a professional qualification that took 2 years, then she worked in the UK for a year before we both moved to the US together. I had never met her parents in person before moving here, but I had met her older sister Jane (29f) and I know that they both had spoken to their parents about me.

I’m Scottish, have lived there for my whole life, as have my parents, grandparents, great grandparents etc. what I’m saying is my family are on record here since the Scottish census began in 1801, and know my family line goes back several hundred years before that. It doesn’t really come up other than when Americans tell me they’re Scottish, which doesn’t normally bother me. Yet when we were at Emma’s parents’ last weekend for a family gathering members of the extended family kept coming up to me and telling me how happy they were that Emma is back from England and how they thought it was interesting I’m English which was confusing because Emma studied not far from my village in Scotland, and I’m not English. I politely corrected them and they all looked confused but changed the subject. After the 10th person — that’s not an exaggeration— I talked to Emma about it and she was just as confused as I was.

About an hour later and after several more instances I was in the kitchen with Emma when her mum (54f) came storming in and asked what I’d been telling people, I was confused bc I had talked to lots of people about lots of things. Then when she clarified I told her that I’ve been telling them I’m not English bc I’m not, and that Emma studied in Scotland bc she did. She went off saying how England is just what they call the UK and it’s the same. I told her that it’s not the same. She said I was letting politics get in the way. I told her that regardless of politics it’s still not the same bc England and Scotland are 2 separate countries and I want her to stop telling people I’m English, and to say Scottish or British instead. Emma agreed with me and we told her that we know she didn’t mean offence, but it is confusing and a tiny bit offensive. Bizarrely, she then said that she was referring to the continent and accused me of trying to make her seem stupid when I pointed out that would make me European. She talked to neither of us the rest of the night, neither Jane when she agreed with us.

Somehow since then it’s ended up being Emma, Jane and I vs their parents and everyone else since then and I kind of regret saying anything. Her mum has been alternating between blowing up our phones and silent treatment and I’m tired. AITA for asking her to change?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/NotTheBrideWhisperer on 2023-09-27 00:52:12.

This happened years ago, but it's still a heavily debated topic among the band members.

We are a local cover band, mostly known for playing acoustic versions of famous songs on weddings. The occasional client would pay extra for us to get matching clothes, some crazy makeup, or order a specific setlist. Lana was such a client: we agreed on an amount for us to buy pale lilac clothes and accessories, and she gave us a list of artists she wanted to hear during the reception.

We signed the contract, I got myself a lilac dress, the guys got their lilac ties and shirts, and I sent a photo of the ensemble to Lana to make sure we fit the wedding theme. We didn't: she expected the guys to buy actual lilac suits. I told her there was no way the agreed money would cover that, especially since they would have to be tailored in that color, but she started to point to the contract, said it wasn't her problem that we didn't expect lilac suits, and after a long argument I agreed to buy the suits on our dime.

Then a month before the wedding she called me and said we will have to arrive 3 hours before the agreed time. I said sure, did the timing change for the reception? Oh no, she just doesn't trust people to be on time. She won't be left left standing there waiting for 'her staff' to arrive while her guests laugh at her.

I tried telling her that we'll be there on time, and when that didn't work, that she will have to pay us for those extra 3 hours. She pointed to the contract again, which allowed for time changes on the wedding day. I told her that clause is for vis major events, like a fucking hurricane, not for free labor. She threatened to sue us if we 'broke' the contract, so I thought fuck it, those 3 hours are not worth this much drama.

Then I went and changed the setlist we were planning on performing. I found the most obscure songs from Adele and Celine Dion and whoever else Lana wanted to hear, and told the guys that this is what we're doing now. They found the idea hilarious and we started to practice.

Fast forward to the wedding day, Lana starts looking angry at around the fifth song. She comes up to the stage and asks us to play something they know. I told her that we prepared from the agreed artists. She then started to demand specific songs, to which I said I'm sorry, but we have to stick to the setlist, as per our contract. She looked at the list and blew a fuse when she realized she doesn't know any of the songs.

She didn't dare make a scene on the stage, but she was visibly fuming the whole night, and later we learned that she was so upset she canceled their honeymoon. The songs were still nice and perfectly suitable for a wedding, but I still felt horrible by the time we were done with our little revenge plot, because we *did* just ruin her own wedding for her. The guys still insist Lana deserved it but we all know men have no soul, so I turn to you, collective reddit conscience: were we assholes for going through with it?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cakertom23 on 2023-09-26 23:21:05.

My best friend, Lisa, divorced almost ten years ago due to her husband's cheating. According to his mistress, he told her they were separated, just not divorced (This is relevant). She was already fragile due to years of trying to conceive and not being able to. They tried everything and were about to do IVF when they split. It was a bad time for her, she tried to salvage her marriage but it was painfull for both parties. I and a mutual friend, Mary, were right by her side and supported her. Lisa cut a lot of friends of in the process, some because they were her ex friends also, some for other issues.

Shortly after she met a vey nice guy, Dan, and they dated for a few years. He is an independent professional and travels for months at a time so they kept things light between them. When things got serious he opened up and said he was married, separated from his wife just not divorced. She was livid and ended things. I frankly believed him. Lisa found out later she was pregnant. She was so afraid to loose the child she only opened up to me when she was 17 weeks along and told her family much later than that.

She didn't want to tell Dan about the child. I was surprised, tried to understand why and was concerned that she was keeping this a secret just for fear of being rejected. then covid came along and we were all concerned about other things. Here's the thing, Dan kept contact with me via social media and often asks about her. It's been a couple of years, he's divorced and wants to know how she is doing. I know he loved Lisa very much. And apparently he still does. Also, doesn't the child deserve to have a father?

Myself and Mary are the only ones who know about this. This friend says it's a total ah move to tell Dan about this, it should be her choice. I don't agree and think she is keeping a child away from his father. I do believe if her divorce hadn’t been so messy and the ex such a sob, she would be more receptive to D., at least to him being in the child life.

Mary is totally against speaking with Dan., said i should mind my own business and at the most should run this idea by Lisa. She also pointed they live in different countries so custody would be a mess. Mary also warn me i would be losing a friend if i did that.

So WIBTA if i told Dan about the child? Should i just keep quiet about this?

Edit: changed letters to names