This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Resident_You5105 on 2023-09-27 01:40:05.

I (25F) have been married to my husband (26M) for 7 years. We have a son together (1F) who were TTC over 2 years for. Before we were TTC I did 90% of the household chores and was fine with that considering I stayed at home. Before we agreed to try for a child I told him once we had a child the household chores would be 50/50 or 60/40 since I would be in charge of childcare all day every day. He was fine with that and even said he would give me 2 hours a day of “responsibility free” time where I could do whatever I wanted and didn’t have to worry about him or the baby. Fast forward to earlier this year. We had our daughter and immediately everything he said went out the window. I was still doing all of the household chores, as well as taking care of our daughter full time while recovering from birth. I begged him for months to help me around the house and stick to what we agreed upon. He would do some stuff randomly, like a load of dishes here or a load of laundry there, but never liked we agreed upon. Finally one day he snapped on me and said I demand too much of him and when I got a job I’d when he would help around the house and with our daughter. I just said “okay, fine then.”. Since that day I haven’t asked for help with anything. I do all of the chores and childcare on my own, along with any odd tasks he asks me to. However, we also stopped having sex and I stopped telling him I love him or appealing to his love languages. We got into an argument about it and I responded “I view you as another child to take care of, why would I have sex with you?” He screamed at me and told me I was an asshole, saying I was only using him for his money. But during the argument we had to start this all off, he said he didn’t need to contribute to the house because he was the one who payed the bills. So, AITA?

Edit to add** He will not allow me to get a job. I have tried, even had interviews set up, but he doesn’t trust other people to watch our child. I have no issue with working

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ill-Bumblebee-9984 on 2023-09-27 00:58:04.

Some back story: My late wife (33F) and I (39M) found out she had rare aggressive cancer 3 years before our son was born. She went through numerous surgeries and therapies. She was finally in remission after a year of hell.

We thought we were in the clear and we had been trying to have a baby before the cancer diagnosis. But the chemo destroyed her reproductive system. We had a friend that agreed to be a surrogate for us. We agreed to go for it since she had been cancer free for about a year with clean checkups. About 6 months into the pregnancy, her cancer returned. She started chemo and radiation but the cancer wasn't responding and the chemo was wreaking havoc on her. Knocking her white blood cells down to nothing. We spent numerous days with her hospitalized after every chemo treatment.

My wife got to be a mom for 5 months. She was told she had 2 months to live and she passed a month later. During the last month when she was on hospice, her parents were taking care of our son off and on. More on than off since I was taking care of my wife. Hospice only shows up for a few days a week for about an hour at time so I took off work and took care of her.

After she passed, her parents would watch my son while I worked nights (typically 2 nights a week). We consistently had disagreements about his care. They wanted to take him out to eat all time and feed him greasy food at home. Whenever I gave them a restriction, it seemed that they would have a reason they didn't do what I wanted or an interpretation that allowed them to do what they wanted to do.

I had to take a trip for work for a month overseas. I could have turned it down but it was a great opportunity to make a bit more money. I presented the trip to them and told them that I could absolutely turn it down. But it would help me and my son out a lot if I went. They agreed to watch him and told me that I should take the trip.

I had one stipulation before I left. That my son not be around my wife's brother. Brief backstory: he has been to prison 3 times in the past for drugs, a convicted felon 13 times over. He was out and saying he was doing well and was clean and not dealing. 3 months before the trip left, he was arrested again and charged with another 12 felonies. Possession, intent to distribute, felony fleeing, and firearms charges.

They reluctantly agreed. Mother in law said it would be difficult if he wanted to come over but she would make it work.

When i return from the trip, I go to pick my son up and learn that not only did they not keep wife's brother away from my son, they allowed him and his girlfriend to move into their camper parked on the side of the house. They all had dinner together every night and went out to eat.

I had talked to them several times while on the trip and neither of them ever told me that was happening. Her reason was that she knew that I would be mad and she didn't want me to ruin the work trip by trying to come back early.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Any_Style8165 on 2023-09-26 20:42:17.

On my phone sorry for errors I typed this fast

This is ridiculous. I will keep it short. My son wants to get a thank you when he does was he is suppose too. Like if he put the dishes away and he came up and told me. I said okay and he told me I should show some gradatude for doing it. He keeps doing it, he makes his bed, takes his laundry downstairs all of it. Turning in his homework. Doing his chores that I pay him for. We got into a huge argument about it and he thinks I am an ass.

My husband also got into an argument about it and he thinks showing appreciation is good and it would be nice for a thank you when he takes out the trash. I blew up and listed everything I do where I get zero thanks and I don’t expect it since it’s literally needs to get done. they aren’t talking to me

I came here to see if I am crazy.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/cityandradiohead on 2023-09-26 22:30:50.

I just moved into a new house near an elementary school and I noticed that people have started using the parking space on the side of my house to park while they pick up their kids. It's not a huge inconvenience for me but I don't particularly like the idea of people just assuming they can use my space without asking, especially since I often find trash there that doesn't belong to me. Today, two women parked in my space at the same time for 5-10 minutes so I waited until they came back with their kids and let them know, very calmly, that this is private property and they couldn't park here. They kinda fought back, saying the previous resident had allowed them to park there and it was only a few minutes anyways so I should allow it. I said "I'm really sorry but I'm expecting someone to come home soon and they'll need to use the space" and walked back into my house. I overheard them trash talking me through the window, saying things like "new tenant new attitude" etc.

AITA? I pay to live here, I feel like it should be up to me to decide who parks on my space, even if it's sitting empty. There is plenty of free street parking around my house too - it would only add 30 seconds of walking to park there instead of my space.

Edit to add some info:

1. I rent, not own, but cost of the parking space is included in my rent
2. I don't have a car, but the space gets used by people who I invite over, as is the case today

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TWRaiel on 2023-09-26 19:39:45.

I (46M) got a voice mail from someone named Grace that sounded urgent. Grace knew my name and address.

I returned the call. It was my ex-wife’s (Cass 41F) estranged mother (Grace F). We’ve never met her or anyone on her side of the family.

When Cass was a teen, she got caught having sex with her boyfriend. Grace and stepdad went into overdrive. Cass's next relationship was with a girl, and they kicked Cass out of the house. The ex-boyfriends’ parents took her in, she finished high school, went to college, graduated, and started a successful career. We divorced but have joint custody of our two children. I have our children most of the time, but that's mostly about her work schedule, and we work together to get our children as much time with her as practical.

So, I'm on the phone with Grace, and she's talking 100MPH. I finally get across to her that Cass doesn't live here anymore, were divorced. She proceeds to insult Cass and me for that, but then realized that she's asking me for a favor and gets off the soap box. I tell her that I won't give her Cass’s number or address, but I would tell Cass that she called and if Cass wanted to call her back, she would.

Then she switches to the kids. She knows their names, but that’s it. She wants to meet them. I told her that I understood, but that would only happen if Cass agreed. She insulted me and my manhood for letting a woman own me like that. Lol. I start winding down and saying I’ll convey the message, but it's up to Cass if she wants to call. Before I can hang up, Grace says that she's sending me a package, and asks if I'll give it to Cass. If Cass won't take it, open it up and share it with "her grand babies". I said no guarantees, it would all but up to what Cass wanted to do.

I texted Cass and asked if she would stop by so we could talk about something best talked about in person. If nothing else, I wanted her to hear the message.

I pour her a glass of wine and I tell her about the call.

Cass was surprised that her mom had reached out. She was sure it was something terrible about our kids or Jen and I were moving. But no. It was her mom. We talked around and around the event with her hoping to glean one bit of info that I might have left out.

And then she was pissed at me for taking the call, returning the call, and agreeing to accept the package. The fact that was a machine that took the call, that I didn't know I was calling her mom when I returned the call, or even given my address or permission to send a package didn't matter. I was the asshole.

She stormed off.

I sent her a text asking if she was OK and telling her that I hadn't given Grace her contact details. I would simply ignore future calls (easy to do) and return the package when I got it, and for her to let me know if she wanted me to do anything else.

Apparently, I’m still the asshole.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WatercressFickle8074 on 2023-09-26 21:49:56.

To preface this me (27f) and my sister (30f) are both of Indian descent from the United States. My sister is getting married in November and currently we are in the process of getting the clothes made for the wedding. Indian weddings are usually quite large and extravagant with several events. I as the bride’s sister will be expected to dress very nicely so I am having my clothes custom made as well.

Yesterday we went to our first fitting for the outfits and the moment my sister saw my outfits she was upset. I am having four different lehengas made which are like a crop top and a long skirt made for her wedding events. My sister on the other hand is choosing to wear suits which are like a long tunic with baggy pants on the bottom. My sister once she saw me in the outfits told me they were too revealing and would like me to wear something more toned down as she herself will be in a suit. I’ll admit we both look very different and have different body types so her choice of outfit is a much better fit for her. She got even more upset when I pointed out that several of our cousins will be wearing similar outfits to the wedding. She said she doesn’t care what they do but that I should let her have the “spotlight” for this one event in her life.

Here is where I may be the AH, I told her that no matter what I wear she will be insecure and her insecurities are for her to deal with. Indian moms can be quite blunt and I won’t lie our entire life my mom has pointed out just how different we look physically. I can see why she would be insecure but I don’t see why I have to cater to her insecurities. My mom agrees with me and told my sister I will be wearing the lehengas as that’s what looks best on me. I’m not going to lie I think Indian suits look frumpy to me and I want to wear what flatters me. I’d rather not even go if I wear a suit, they look better on more matronly women. So AITA in this situation ?

For more context this what the lehengas I’m getting made looks like more or less:

This what my sister would like me to wear:

***clarification this is not the suit my sister is wearing. She would like me to wear something like this. She has had several suits made for her wedding all which have very heavy amounts of embroidery and crystals. There is no way anyone will not think she is the bride.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/12Dmoistness on 2023-09-26 21:41:39.

Both my parents are old enough to retire and collect social security and their pensions.

My brother is 43 yrs old, has a full time job, uses 3 of the 4 bedrooms at my parents home. 1 room for himself, 2 other rooms for his kids

My brother pays $1200/month to my parents for rent

The normal rent for a 3 bedroom home in that area is a $2300 and up

My parents just paid the house of 2 months ago. They are now asking my sister and I to help out with paying the taxes .

My parents have told me I will receive 25% ownership of the house, my brother living with them 50%, and sister the remaining 25% after they pass. (No favoritism there)

I told my brother “how much do you need?” (So I can pay 25% of the taxes). He said “I don’t know”

My mother then said “your father and I want to retire, we would like you, brother and sister to pay the taxes.”

I asked if the rent my brother pays isn’t enough. (My brother NEVER MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE, and has been leeching off my parents his whole life)

My mother defended him because he takes care of running errands. Then proceeded to tell me to lower the child support I pay to my ex wife whom I have 2 boys with

I said “let me get this straight- you want to fuck my kids over, just so my brother and his kids, can live a better life? Or did you prefer, I take money out of my retirement account, penalties and all, to keep CODDLING my brother? I’m sorry but I will not continue to enable him like you have all these years. I have my own family and bills to take care of.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/NostalgiaTM on 2023-09-26 20:37:45.

My Roommate (19f) was having a friend over for a little hang out that was said to end around 10pm. Their friend (20f) had the same height and build as my other roommate. They were very easy to be confuse for one another because they also had similar hair and styles and even similar voices when heard through a wall. I (20m) was in my room and wanted to get some dessert from my downstairs fridge. I had some ice cream sandwiches and didn’t feel very sociable so I knew it would be a 30 second to 1 minute grab and go. I had pajama pants on and a jacket that was unbuttoned so my midriff was exposed. I thought nothing of it and thought it was just my 2 roommates downstairs seeing how it was about 10:45 pm. My roommates were always fine if I was shirtless or even in my underwear because they always grew up with brothers, so I thought nothing of it. But instead of seeing my two roommates I saw her friend so I said hi, grabbed my sandwich, and went back upstairs. About a 30 second grab. But the next day I was greeted to a text filled with insults that I had made her friend uncomfortable and unsafe by showing my midriff. When I tried to explain what I was doing and that I felt that wasn’t my fault she explained that I’m not a girl and wouldn’t understand. Had she never seen people run shirtless outside? Or has she ever been to a pool? I refused to apologize because I felt I had done normal things in my own home and how she was supposed to be gone, but wasn’t. AITA for not apologizing?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/HealingF on 2023-09-26 20:17:07.

Few weeks ago, my mother asked me if I wanted a robe. I declined it.

Fast forward today, she got a package delivered. She called me into the livingroom saying she had ordered me a robe, but it was too small. Then she asked me to try it on. The robe wasn't my taste, and, as I said, I didn't want it. It wasn't even like a normal robe, but just like a longer pyjama sweater with a zipper.

It did kinda fit me, but a bit tight. I removed it, and she said she'll give it to me for my birthday, on December.

What the hell?

I was confused and kind of annoyed. Why would you buy me something I said I didn't want, make me try it, and then say it will be my birthday present?

I wouldn't had rejected it right away if she just gave it to me after buying it. I don't understand the whole ordeal of making me wait for it, when I already tried it on.

She got pretty pissed at me for telling her I didn't want it and didn't understand the situation

So, AITA for rejecting her "future" gift?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AnonymousCandy1 on 2023-09-26 17:14:24.

Anonymous account because my husband knows my main. I (F34) and my husband (M34) have been married for 8 years, together for 10. We have a happy married life with 3 b3autiful children. I have a wonderful relationship with my husbands side. However, 8 years ago before we got married, we were going through a rough patch. Certain comments made by his mother made me doubt whether this is the kind of family I want to be a part of. My then fiancé (now husband) had told me that it was a misunderstanding and sometimes my MIL is rough around the edges and what she says doesn't mean what she meant to say and that i was taling it the wrong way. Anyways I have always told him from the beginning when we were dating that any issues we have should be between us and not to share what we go through with anyone outside our relationship. While we were going through the rough patch and I was having doubts, my husband surprised me with a bbq get together with both his and my family as a pre wedding celebration. During that event, my MIL slipped me a letter and told me that it was just between her and me. Needless to say, when I got back home that day and I read the letter, it was one of the most heartfelt letters I had read. My MIL reassured me that she would always care for me, and that mine and her son's happiness was all that she cared for. There were a few other things that honestly made me tear up. After getting that letter, mine and my MIL relationship improved significantly and any doubts I had were erased. Now fast forward 8 years, last week my FIL accidently let slip to me that my husband had told my MIL while we were going through the rough patch and of my doubts about getting married to him. My MIL has asked what she could do to make it better, and my husband had put it in to her mind to write that heartfelt letter all those years ago. Despite telling him then, not to share our personal things with others outside the relationship, my husband broke my trust and did it anyway. I have asked my husband if he did it, he admitted he did but only because he says he knew it would make me feel better and not to feel like his mother was going to make our married life difficult. I am now confused as on one hand the letter definitely improved our relationship, heck we even go on short getaways just me and my MIL, on the other hand my husband violated trust. I am now mad at him. So Reddit, AITA ?

TLDR : Husband told his mother we were going through a rough patch before our wedding. She writes letter that improves our relationship. Found out husband told her to write it even though he was told not to share our problems with anyone outside our relationship. Told him off for lying.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TechnicianFearless56 on 2023-09-26 21:10:47.

My family have always had this tradition where the first child born after the loss of someone in the family gets the late family member's name as their middle name. My sister and I both have those middle names. Hers is Patricia after a cousin of our mom's and mine is Denise after my dad's aunt.

Almost a year ago my sister lost her 2 day old son, Philip. He was the last family member we lost and it was a huge, earth shattering blow for our family.

I found out I was pregnant a few months ago. I waited a while to tell anyone and my sister was the first person we told, privately. When I told her she said it would be nice to have some positive news to focus on and she wanted me to continue the tradition our family keeps and give my baby, if a boy, the middle name Philip. She was so happy about the idea. It surprised me a lot. I would have figured she would not be okay with it. But she wanted it.

The problem is my husband and I do not want to continue with the tradition. We do not want to give our son the middle name Philip. The name isn't one either of us likes or would ever pick ourselves... We have not announced the sex of our baby yet but my husband and I know we are expecting a boy.

My family were saying how amazing it will be if my baby is a boy and Philip's name can be carried on... I suggested they wait until we announce the sex and the name before jumping to conclusions. They asked why and I said we were thinking of not continuing with the tradition. My family, and by that I mean my parents mostly, were really upset. My sister was the worst though. She asked why I wouldn't want to honor Philip and why it was him the tradition was getting broken on. She asked if I saw him as meaning so little and I said no, of course not. Then she asked if it was his name and we didn't like it. She said she really hoped it wasn't that. I said we just didn't feel like the tradition was something we wanted to continue.

The decision has brought up a lot of bad feelings and my sister is especially angry and thinks I'm being insensitive and showing how little I care for my nephew. I feel terrible. She's so angry at me and my parents are unhappy as well. My husband hates them for putting this pressure on us. He said we should be allowed to name our son what we want and we should not be obliged to use a certain name. I never wanted to be an asshole but my family believes I am.

AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Throwaway329987 on 2023-09-26 21:01:22.

My (22M) brother (35M) has spent his life in and out of jail. He was arrested again a couple months ago for god knows what. He posted bail through a bondsman and was released.

Long story short, I just happend to be sitting in my dinning room eating dinner, when there's a knock on the door. I open it and it's a man wearing a bullet proof vest . He looks confusingly at a piece of paper, and asks, " is ____ here right now". I told him that ___ is my brother and he dosent live here, the man then proceedes to tell me that my brother missed court and the bondsman is out for $25,000, and they're looking for him. He asked if I knew where to find him

I gave the man an address for a friends house that my brother goes to 90% of the time for parties, drugs, etc.

Well they caught him there and now his bail has been revoked and he's back in jail. No bail bonds company will lend to him now and no other friends or family can afford to give him the money. I'm sure as hell not giving him anything after the stunt he pulled. He'll just have to stay in jail untill his trial now.

My mom, aunt, sister, and grandma have all been blowing up my phone the past few days with messages on facebook about how much of a "terrible person" I am for "getting my poor brother in trouble".

I'm starting to feel a little guilty now, but I don't appreciate him possibly getting me arrested or worse by lying and using my address.

AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Life-Direction-951 on 2023-09-26 19:51:22.

I think this might be a minor issue but I am severely socially anxious and the guilt is haunting me 👎 I didn't want to post this on a vegan sub because I think the answer there would be obvious. I know most people here are not vegan and I want to know what is objectively annoying for the sake of maintaining healthy human relationships.

Basically I am vegan. I have been for a long time, everyone around me knows etc. I have strong opinions but I don't talk about it a lot because I don't want to be annoying and I try to be nice when people ask about it because I feel that is the most productive thing I can do. I try to just mind my own business but ultimately this is something that is important to me and my friends know that.

I was talking to some of my friends today, eventually food comes up, eventually meat comes up. They were discussing their favorite types of meat and all that stuff, which is fine, but not a conversation I want to be part of. Obviously I was uncomfortable and zoned out a little. I understand suddenly going quiet and looking uninterested is not the nicest way to act but I'm not sure what else I could have done.

They saw I wasn't participating and started asking questions to me, like what my favorite type of meat was before I went vegan or just saying things to me directly, like, looking at me in the eyes. I was very uncomfortable at this point but I still did not want to be rude so I just shrugged and nodded and tried to focus on something else.

Eventually they get mad. Like Mad mad. Saying I'm so annoying for acting superior when they talk about these things or being rude and not answering their questions, accusing me of feeling x way. I had no idea what to do and I just explained that I was uncomfortable talking about this and they should probably be aware of that. I don't think I said anything mean to them in the entire conversation, I just wasn't participating — they can talk about whatever they want, but I didn't know why they wanted to involve me in it when they know how I feel about it. I still don't know what they wanted me to do... like they expected me to be enthusiastic about it?? I think it's obvious the thing we disagree on is our enthusiasm about meat?

I honestly don't know. I hope this is not a stupid post. I just want to know if there was a better way to act in that moment because I want to talk about this with the friends involved and I want to avoid similar situations in the future. I know being quiet is rude and I hadn't explicitly set this boundary before because I am both bad at setting boundaries and afraid of sounding crazy so maybe it was my bad. I just thought it'd be obvious considering I don't really hide my opinions even if I don't bring them up daily, and even if it wasn't I was really sad at her reaction to my lack of interest. Thank you for any judgment.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TriggeredCrusader_ on 2023-09-26 18:30:25.

So a little context, I (M20) am renting from my future MIL, and I live with her, her husband, my fiancee (F20), and her youngest son (M18) who has down, and minor autism. Before we met, my fiancee would take care of him like a second mom. He spends most of his time watching tv in her room, because he can't really go outside by himself while everyone is away or working.

At the end of the workday, my fiancee likes to change into more comfy clothes, which includes taking off her bra, so when she does change she's almost naked...

Her mom is really strict, and asked/told us to while we live with her, we will not share any kind of intimacy until we're married (including watching eachother get dressed) to which we agreed.

She usually changes early, and her little brother is usually still in there watching tv, never gets kicked out. I didn't think anything of it because... well he's got autism, and I figured he wouldn't break his hyperfixation on the tv anyways.

One time we were doing the wedding registry together, and he was watching tv while we were in there. She says she wants to change but is ok with me being there, "as long as mom doyfind out we're good". I mean we're going to get married for Christ's sake. Anyways as she starts stripping, her brother's attention shifts away from the tv, and he stares at her for the whole time she's getting dressed. I expressed my annoyance to her and she replied "he doesn't know anything, he's just a kid"

Then one time i come up to go to the bathroom at 2am (I sleep on the opposite side of the house from her) and I walked in him whacking off in the bathroom. I only saw because he goes with the door open, I guess he doesn't like the claustrophobia or something.

So now I'm upset, like sure, down and mild autism will leave you mentally underdeveloped, but he's still a guy, 18 years at that, and that sexual part of us is wired into our brains. Sure he may not understand to the full extent what's going on, but staring when she changes in front of him, understanding enough to jack off, coupled with his increased hostility towards me when he realized I wasn't just a friend and I was going to take away "my Rachel" as he refers to her is Starting to trigger my jealousy.

I don't know enough about down to make a judgement call on this but I do know that the autistic people I know tend to hyperfixate, as well as lack the ability to filter. When I raised how I was upset to my MIL she got very upset at me, uncharacteristic of her and said everything was fine and on e again "he's just a kid"

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SadPumpkinSoup on 2023-09-26 17:08:14.

I work for a corporate company and we have regular meetings. Prior to this year, my team had been very respectable and would always take turns talking. Earlier this year, half our team was moved into other parts of the company and we got a new supervisor who started hiring a bunch of new employees. Almost instantly we noticed a lack of meeting etiquette with the new hires with them speaking over people presenting or even taking control away from someone presenting to share their screen. We sent out regular memos reminding the team of proper meeting norms and we even asked our higher ups to assign a hr lesson package to our team to explain how to act during a meeting.

Today, we had a very important meeting as our deadlines were being pushed excessively. I was leading the morning meeting to try to get a feel of what had to be completed but some of my team members kept interrupting one of our developers who was trying to present. I asked to please let our coworker finish but they started to take control of the conversation. Soon all the new hires were talking over each other. They were over explaining things which caused more confusion. It got to the point where it just muted the offending coworkers and would only unmute them if we addressed them.

After the meeting, my supervisor told me that was a very rude thing to do. Apparently, the coworkers I had muted started messaging my supervisor telling him I was censoring them. Am I the asshole?

EDIT: I also wanted to point out that the meeting was only allocated for 30 minutes and we had 12 different developers who had to present. Normally, the developers take 2 minutes max to give a small update. The incident happened during the 3rd developer's turn to present and had caused a 10 minute delay. My team members have very tight schedules with many of them having important meetings right after this one.

EDIT2: I'm getting a lot of confusion regarding the nature of the morning meeting. Having a morning meeting where all the developers briefly say what they're working on is standard in the corporate world. The purpose is to say what you're working on and to briefly mention any issues or blockers you may be facing. This isn't meant to be a major discussion or a "town hall" and if conversations start to drag longer we do ask them take the conversation off meeting. 30 minutes is a standard amount of time for these meetings as everyone is suppose to only give brief updates.

EDIT3: To everyone who also works in the corporate world, this is a standup meeting.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Adorable-Physics706 on 2023-09-26 16:38:41.

My husband and I have been together for 4 years , married for 1. When we met, I was fluent in his language and he never learned mine, I didn't ask him to learn it either. Now, that we've been together for 4 years and planning on having kids I want him to learn my native language. My language is a huge part of my identity, it will also be a part of my children's identity. I want our children to be able to speak both languages. I also think it'll be helpful for him whenever we visit my home country to navigate everything if he knew the language. He keeps making excuses such as it's "too hard" and that he's too busy. He told me that it's unfair for me to demand he learns a new language and I told him the way he's acting makes me feel insulted and unimportant. I don't want to be his translator everytime we visit my parents.

Edit: I think I'll just stop asking him. By "demand" I didn't mean I'm giving him ultimatums or anything of that sort. I've come to the conclusion that I'm having an identity crisis and projecting it on him. Thanks,bye.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowAANAN on 2023-09-26 19:31:54.

2 years ago, I suffered an accident at work and recently reached an agreement with the company, it was a huge amount. For example purposes and to make it clear that these are not the real values.

I received 100k, I decided to divide it as follows: 30K for me, 30K for my wife, 25K for emergencies and 15k for my parents.

I am the main breadwinner at home and my wife and I split the bills 25/75 (I don't know if this is important).

Well, my wife wants me to divide the money I'm going to give to my parents in half and share it with my ILs, because it's money that would help them too.

I refused, saying that this is money that is up to me to decide how to use it and that if she wants to help her parents, she is free to use hers as she wants.

To be clear, her parents are financially stable and my parents have absurd expenses because my father has several health problems and basically this money would cover a year or two of his medicines, they are struggling financially even with my help monthly.

She said that this money should be a joint decision and that I was being selfish in deciding its destination without listening to her.

Reddit, AITA?

Extra: She and I are financially stable, childless and this money is not needed to pay our expenses, so it will be used for other things

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/OtakuNinja1311 on 2023-09-26 18:09:47.

This is a pretty simple question. Last month I (28F) had surgery on my knee, and while, yes, it's healed up some, it hasn't healed completely. A friend and I have been wanting to see a certain band in person, and yesterday they played in concert. They weren't the headliners, but it was my first concert and I had so much fun!

About my knee surgery: it wasn't a knee replacement, but they had to go in and shave the top and bottom of my kneecap. Because it, in the words of my doctor, "looked like a shag carpet." I am pretty much healed, but it still hurts to put much of my weight on it, and I can't bend it all the way yet. It also swells and starts to hurt if I'm on it too much.

I had fun, we were close enough to the stage that we could see the band without trouble, and it was overall the best time I could have wanted. The problem comes in when I told my mom that when I booked our tickets (on September 10, about 3 weeks after my surgry, and 2 weeks before the concert), that I got disability seating. I didn't book disability seating because they were good seats, I was genuinely concerned for my knee at the end of the night. My friend who went with me (Dan) has been to plenty of concerts and told me we'd be doing a lot of waiting and standing, which is why I decided to get disability seating.

She told me that I should have just got "regular seating," because other people who are disabiled might have needed those spots. I get where she's coming from, but there were still other open seats in the disablity seating area that went unused. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AkatsukisGroupie on 2023-09-26 17:47:19.

I (22F) recently moved back to my parents' house for my last year of college to save money since all of my classes are online this semester and next.

My boyfriend and I are sexually active. In the last few months, we got some new sex stuff (not crazy, just like restraints and handcuffs). I put them in a separate small box and on top wrote "Private: Do Not Open." My mom and stepdad were very respectful of my privacy by letting me put it in the moving truck and were very good about not asking or touching the box. When we finished moving my stuff that day, my bf and I got food while they headed home and put my boxes in my room.

It's been two months and I've moved some of the boxes around now that I'm finally fully settling in. This morning while my family was at work, I noticed the private box had been tampered with. I immediately asked my mom because she's the only person I think would look, and after a few minutes of denial, she tells me that she did in fact look. She said she wanted to know if I was doing drugs, but when she saw the contents, closed it back up and didn't say a word to anyone.

Today, I had my aunt to administer my birth control shot since she is a nurse, and when I got home, my mom was with said aunt on speaker phone and said, "Yeah, she just got back from meeting you," to which my aunt made a joke to my mom about my bf and I using our sex stuff now that I got my shot. My mom immediately took it off of speaker and told my aunt she'd have to call her back.

I ask my mom what that was about and became super angry and embarrassed. My mom tells me that she has a right to look through my things regardless of how old I am, especially if I'm living under her roof. I say that that's an invasion of privacy and there should be a mutual respect between two adults, but she said that I will never receive "full privacy" as an adult because she is my mom.

Here's where I fear I may have been the asshole. I then told her that that attitude is exactly why I never opened up to her about traumas and why my 16y/o sister also doesn't either. I told her that because she always tells other people business we confide in her about or that she finds out by snooping, is a big reason I've stopped telling her what's going on in my life outside of what she absolutely needs to know.

She got super upset and started crying and said that I was an asshole for taking things that far because all she wanted to do was make sure I wasn't doing any drugs or anything illegal. I told her that even if I was, it's not her place to go through my things that I clearly said were private, even if she is a parent. I also said that if I was doing things that were illegal, I would be way more inclined to tell her if she didn't tell everybody else my business.

My stepdad said that I was kind of an asshole for telling her that she was the reason we didn't open up to her and made her feel like she was a bad mother, but my sister said it's the truth and what she needed to hear. AITA?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Low_Put_4561 on 2023-09-26 16:21:33.

I (30 F), live in a big city far away from our hometown, in a very rural area. I have been pretty indepedant for ten years now: own my flat, am in a stable relationship etc... I've always worked very hard by myself, and if my parents supported me, they always told me that they did not think I would succeed. I've been lucky enough to enter two very prestigious universities, despite my insecurities.

My brother (26M) is the polar opposite. He still lives home and does not contribute despite being in apprenticeship and earning more money than I do. My mum and dad do his laundry, clean his room, prepare his meals (each night and also the one he needs during the workday), help him with his car (he practices racing which is expensive), and land him money to get a new one. Everything he is doing, my parents did it for him. They found him his apprenticeship, asking for him, they did his cover letters, they filled application forms. So now he is basically a bachelor, explaining "so fun I can go this far by doing nothing." He'll work in construction.

Here is the problem. He has a master's thesis to write this year. And does not want to. He says it's too complicated for him. He never even tried. So my mum is doing part of it, spending her evening on it and wants me to contribute to the other part. I'm kind of pissed since it's like 100 hours of unpaid work, that they always ask me when I have a ton of work (but since it's on my computer fuck it, it's not real work), I'm sick of this dynamic where he gets everything he wants and never even asks (he asked my parents to ask me instead, never text or anything), does not even read what I do for him (one day I had to make a cover letter - while I was working ofc - and I left blank where I missed data, tell him to fill the gap but he sent it like this and my parents were pissed about me.

I just spent 300 bucks to get back home for a week holiday, and it's back again with that thesis. If I say no, my parents tell me that it's awful that I don't help my brother to get a better life. And that I should at least do it for my mum, who is spending a lot of time writing it. Parents think I'm reluctant because I'm jealous and bitter, and it's true, maybe I am. What should I do?

He will be hired full-time in his company, even if he does not finish his master's thesis.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Dry-Low8856 on 2023-09-26 16:10:01.

Throwaway.

Background: My (36M), sister, Rebecca (43F), got married to James (46M) after 1.5 years of dating in January of 2022. We live in opposite ends of the country so I only got to meet James a handful of times before the wedding but he seemed alright enough. Cut to six months later and our parents (69M, 70F) tell me they are offically divorced. Apparently he just up and left her. She moved in with my parents temporarily after that.

At first I was sympathetic to her but she kept insisting that he be included in family planning. If someone had a birthday party she wanted him to be invited, we had to have a family group chat with him, etc. I tried to bring up how this behavior was not healthy to both my parents, Rebecca, and our other sister Jane (40F). While Jane agreed with me in private, no one seemed to agree with me out loud. About three months after the divorce, Rebecca seemed to move on and not insist he be involved with future plans.

During this time, my now wife, Andrea (30F) and I were planning our wedding. The divorce happened and was finalized legally before we sent out our save-the-dates and inviations. We sent our invitations in March 2023 and naturally, we only addressed our invite to Rebecca. This set her off. Apparently her and James had gotten back together in February but had not mentioned it to Andrea and I until that moment.

We stood firm that he could not come, we wanted our wedding to be about us not her melodrama. Cue her texting us about it at least once a month leading up to our wedding last month. We always told her no and our reasons why. She drug our parents into the argument and they said it would be nice for us to include James, stating he was a "good man." Jane seemed to be on our side and mad she went back to him so easily.

You can probably see where this is going... she brought him to the wedding. Showed up to the rehearsal dinner with him and her dog (who I also said couldn't come). I told her after it was over that he could absolutely not be at the wedding the next day. She did finally listen to this request but diappeared after the ceremony. She wasted her meal, her lodging we paid for, and missed family photos. I was pissed that she did this to us, made everything about her.

Cut to a few days after the wedding, turns out everyone in my family knew he was coming and helped keep the secert from me, even Jane. So I cut them off. They refused to acknowledge what they did was wrong and keep taking her side. I told them until they apologize I will not be in contact with them. I didnt have them blocked at first but I kept getting messages berating me for being mean to Rebecca. Jane even called me a hateful, spiteful person. I have stuck to my word in this and haven't spoken to them since a few days after the wedding. But this is eatting me up. I have no idea if I did anything wrong. I can't stop thinking about every scenario.

So aita for telling my family I won't speak to them until they apologize to me.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/TallestTiptoes13 on 2023-09-26 10:41:35.

Okay, this happened about a month ago, but I'm still facing the repercussions. I (F19) and my casual friend (F19) had planned to go to the Eras tour in August. Let's call her Juno. Juno and I are both huge fans and I booked us tickets, which she said she'll pay me for afterwards.

However, a week before the concert, I went out for dinner with Juno and her inner circle. This group was the elitist, film studies major kind. They made fun of my background and compared my interests to their superior ones the whole night, and when I brought up that I was working on an unfinished book, they suddenly became experts in literature themselves. They gave me unsolicited advice that had heavy condescending undertones to it. Whenever I asked about their lives, they had a "you just wouldn't get it" attitude about it. I was very caught off guard. They straight up called me "uncultured" and "simple minded" for not knowing some niche terms etc. They were nor laughing with me, they were laughing AT me.

Turns out, I was an inside joke to them. I was having a convo with two of the girls there, and they started asking about my "monetary issues" and discussing my exes and even their current gfs. Juno had divulged all my secrets to them and gained approval from them in return. I felt exposed, and since they were pretty drunk by that point, they couldn't see that I was uncomfortable.

They were very invested in my personal life and told me "Where I was going wrong". Some things they knew about me were straight up untrue. From there, I also found out that Juno had been trying to make moves on my current partner, and that "I could lose him too, like I did my exes". It was all very funny to them.

Needless to say, I went back home that night and cried. I didn't contact Juno up until the concert, and she didn't bother to do so either since I was always the one initiating our convos. On the day of the concert, I took another friend with me, and posted it on social media. Juno kept calling me the whole day, and since I hadn't sent her the tickets, she couldn't go.

At the end of the day, I finally picked up her phone and said I was busy so I'd missed her previous calls. Juno was livid. She called me very selfish for stealing her only opportunity to go to the concert she's wanted to for so long. I told her then maybe she she shouldn't have spread rumours about me to her pretentious friend group and then set me up to be humiliated by them.

Juno was crying, and said she would've booked seperate tickets if she knew I was so flaky. She didn't even acknowledge my accusations, and kept whining about the concert. Tbh, I didn't even ditch her to get revenge or whatever, I just wanted to enjoy my day with actually decent people.

Flashforward and Juno still keeps harassing me by DMing my friends and gossiping about how b*tchy I was. I shared this with my boyfriend and he thinks I was too harsh on her, and I should've been the bigger person and given her her own ticket atleast.

So, aita?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/romanciere1 on 2023-09-26 17:27:29.

My sister (27F) has started dating her new boyfriend (age relevant) a couple months ago. Historically, her relationships are short-lasting and not very serious. But she speaks of her current boyfriend differently. In the couple months of their relationship, things have become serious. They are living together and have spoken about marriage and are in-love.

So naturally, I ensured space for him at my upcoming wedding wanting to support her relationship and make them comfortable. The wedding is small and casual; close friends and family only. Invites have yet to formally go out.

Yesterday, when on the phone with my sister, she revealed that her boyfriend is 65-years-old.

I was surprised. Her boyfriend, afterall, is older than our dad, and her boyfriend’s children are older than my sister. Her boyfriend even has an infant granddaughter.

I refrained from judgement as my sister has a history of forsaking those who do (fair enough). For example, my parents and family (who will be attending the wedding) have been nearly cut from my sister’s life as she often feels they judge her and disapprove of her life choices.

Needless to say, she has not revealed the age of her boyfriend to my parents and family, and they will meet him for the first time at my wedding. I imagine my family will be disapproving and upset; likely completely spoiling the mood of the wedding as my parents, mom in particular, is very sensitive and reactive.

So now I’m in a bit of a dilemma. Do I want my wedding to be a source of inevitable drama? Should I not invite my sister’s boyfriend to avoid this; risking my sister’s upset? Or do I accept what will be will be?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Top_Cucumber9443 on 2023-09-26 15:58:01.

(Long-time lurker here, never made an account but I felt the need to get outside opinions on this)

I (30M) recently moved to a new city for a job. My office is large and coworkers are all friendly with one another. Thankfully it isn't a "team-building exercises" office, but colleagues go out to dinners after work together, get drinks, go on weekend trips, etc.

Some background on me is my parents are both first-generation immigrants from Germany (we are now in the United States). I was born and raised here, but we make regular trips to visit my parents' family in Germany. However, my parents brought a lot of their upbringing and heritage over with them. Now, I'm not saying this is normal for ALL Germans, but it's definitely normal for my relatives - my family does not believe in being friends with classmates/colleagues.

My parents only have one friend each. Growing up I was told by my parents that you should never be friends with people you are forced to see every day. I rebelled a bit and then realized he was right when friends at school started being dramatic or annoying for no reason and decided to keep a divide between class/work and friends. I've never been without friends, but I am still working on creating a new friend group here. In college I had friends but they were never in my department/classes and I intend to keep this divide in my professional life.

A few different people at my office have been inviting me to come hang out with them outside of work. It's a daily thing at this point: "come with us for lunch today," "come to my house for a small wine-cheese night," "I'm hosting a holiday party this weekend," "let's go out to the club this weekend!". Frankly, it all sounds like hell on Earth to me. I have zero interest in getting to know these people beyond basic work courtesy and working relationship info.

One coworker would not take no for an answer and kept pushing as to why I could never make these plans work. Eventually, I caved and told her it wasn't that I couldn't make it to these events, but that I had no desire to. I told her that I did not believe in work friendships and was perfectly content to limit my work relationships to "business acquaintances" status. I assured her it wasn't a "her" issue, and referenced my upbringing/culture as the main reason I felt this way.

She has since been acting offended, telling coworkers to not invite me to things because I think I'm "better than them.” I frankly don't care - I've gone to my boss/HR and given them the run-down and they told me I'm in the clear and that they only care about my work, not whether I'm buddies with my coworkers. However, they advised it may be easier to just cave and attend these events to "keep the peace." I refuse because I don't think I should force myself to be uncomfortable just to stroke the egos of my coworkers, but their urging has made me reconsider my position. AITA for not wanting to be friends with my coworkers?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Western_Ad_4700 on 2023-09-26 15:31:17.

I know the title probably doesn't sound great but I don't think I was sexist. Me, my girlfriend and a few of our friends were all talking. After a while we started talking about work. The office where I work is 95% male, just one of my coworkers is a girl and during the conversation I said I felt bad for her because she was noticeably uncomfortable being the only girl in the office. That's when my girlfriend's friend called me a sexist asshole. She said I had no right to say that but I don't think I said anything wrong. Everyone else agrees with me but I still have some doubt, AITA?

Edit: I called the her a girl because she's still in college, she works here as an intern. My girlfriend's friend said that I said that women can't handle the job I do which I never said that. All I said was she was the only girl.