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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Silver-Butterfly-767 on 2023-09-25 00:41:08.

I (35F) am currently 8 months pregnant. Something I've learned (fun news for anyone aspiring to follow down that same path) is that a LOT of people, mostly older women, feel that if you get pregnant they suddenly have the right to both comment and touch your body without permission. Sometimes/often without warning- even total strangers. I'm an intrinsically private person and while I don't take offense, it does encourage the inner snark to come out.

I started showing around 5/6 months. I have two fibroids that are each quite large, think softball size. This causes me to look bigger and further along than I am. I've also not really gained elsewise (yes I'm aware it's a good problem to have, but I do look disproportionate) so it's REALLY apparent even under hoodies. Fast forward to last weekend.

I was in our local grocery store and an older, larger woman walks up to me and says something akin to "aw hunny, congrats! How far along are you?". Kindly, sure, so I smile, step out of touching distance (this is usually when they go for a belly feel) and say "8 months". She looked at me with a shocked expression and exclaims "Oh hun NO I would have guessed any day now! YOU'RE HUGE!!"

So... I smiled sweetly back at her and said "aw thanks, you too".

You can imagine it didn't go over well. At one point she said something about it being medical, and so my one interjection was "hey me too"- but it didn't do much to diffuse the situation. Eventually she huffed away and I carried on my business.

I don't really feel bad, but I am trying to gauge the assholiness of my response. I strongly feel that there shouldn't be a stigma that pregnant women suddenly become public property, but acknowledge I could have once again been the 'bigger person'. Or responded with "yeah I have two tumors in there with her" which has historically gotten a sputtering apology from people too. (Fibroids are benign tumors so this is technically true, just aimed at making people uncomfortable).

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/redlightgamers on 2023-09-24 19:34:17.

My wife’s cousin and her family (Husband, 6 yr old child, new born, and Husband’s mother) were visiting the states from Pakistan. They were staying up north with another cousin, and wanted to come down to visit my wife’s mother (who is currently staying at my wife’s sister’s house). Both us and my wife’s sister live 15 minutes apart. My wife’s sister invited them over to stay at her apartment. Now a week before they are about to come, my wife’s sister asked if we can host them instead, since we have a bigger house (We have a 4 bedroom vs 2 bedroom). I said no because I work from home (my wife works at the hospital) and we were not planning for this. We don’t have any kids, so then it would just be me and her cousins family staying at our house on the weekdays where I will be occupied with work. My wife’s sister said that they will visit her house during the day, but that they would just need a place to sleep. However, I don’t know how true this would really be. I also have never met any of these people, and this would be the first time I am meeting my wife’s cousin and her family. I don’t know how her kid is behaved or not, nor is our house as kid friendly. I mentioned to my wife that had we known in advance (say a month prior) we could’ve accommodated and mentally prepared. Now my wife’s sister is calling me (through my wife via text) that I am selfish and not the “good guy”. My wife defends me, but I hate that this is causing a rift between close sisters because of a last minute change of plans. My wife’s birthday is this coming week, and because of this my wife’s sister and her family have decided not to come over to her birthday party… which feels like blackmail IMO. I am typically reserved when it comes to inviting people to stay over for a week at our house, but I don’t like the emotional gymnastics that my SIL is playing with my wife. Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pleasant-Ad-9602 on 2023-09-24 23:25:39.

I am a young grandma, I am still working and our youngest still lives with me and my husband. My son never married the girl and I have never met her. They lived together for a while but she disappeared. My son needs to step up and be a parent especially now that he is a single parent.

He made it very clear that her family is better than our family since he believes we are white trash. Now that he is a single parent he has a new opinions on this. He wants me to be grandma which includes free childcare and classic grandma stuff like homemade cookies.

We had this conversation over the phone and he wanted me to watch the kid when he is at work. I told him no and it started an argument. He told me it is the least I can do but I disagree. That I should be a proper grandma. My youngest told me to post here.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/mahalomina on 2023-09-24 21:58:25.

Our 12 yo son attended a dance through his school. Later in the week, after dinner, my husband asked my son who the dance. He asked if he danced, my son said no.

In more of a humorous voice, he asked if he checked out girls. Our son was kind of quiet. Then my husband said “Middle school is when kids start developing…” (then he paused and gestured with his hands in a way that indicates breasts)”… personality.” He started laughing.

I shot him a look that was intended to say please stop, not cool, and turned around to do the dishes. My son was not looking at me when I shot the look, but since I didn't laugh it was probably clear that I didn't like the joke. I was going to let it go and probably bring it up later. Then my husband said to me, “Come on, that was funny, admit it.” I told him I didn’t find it funny and that I don’t like jokes that I feel like they are objectify women.

He later told me he was trying to normalize sexual development and being attracted to breasts as a middle school boy (my son is attracted to girls). He doesn’t think what he said is objectifying and I shouldn't have found it offensive.

I shared that I also support normalizing his development/curiosity and that we can do that without making jokes that focus on girls’ anatomy being what makes her attractive. And I don’t want him to make comments that wouldn’t be appropriate to make in front of his female friends.

I’m concerned about the message he’s sending our son with jokes like this (this was not the first). He said I was being over the top, exaggerating, and he will joke with our son how he wants to. He went on to say if this is how our culture is now, he doesn't want to be part of it.

He said my being stern about the situation instead of just laughing along made it uncomfortable/awkward for our son and brought the opposite of the lightness he wants our son to feel about sexuality.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway09873415 on 2023-09-24 20:05:31.

I have two daughters (23f) (20f). They are both so beautiful and smart and I really love them both. I always wanted them to be strong and independent women who could stand on their own feet and I tried to raise them that way.

They were both interested in volleyball, I always supported their interest. My younger is still playing in a team and also studying at a good university. She is really hardworking and even if she does not succeed in playing professional volleyball, she will definitely have a good job.

My older daughter quit both sports and school when she got pregnant at the age of 18. When she first told us that she was pregnant, I was very upset and advised her to have an abortion because having a child at such a young age would disrupt her life. She did not want to have an abortion and my wife supported her decision. To be honest, I was very insistent on her having an abortion at that time, but when I saw that she remained determined, I dropped the issue and supported her fully, even though I didn't want to.

She got married quickly with the baby's father. Then she decided to stay at home and take care of her child and her husband started to work. I never wanted my daughter to be financially dependent on her husband, but I never voiced it either. But of course, my daughter know that I'm bothered by this.

Yesterday we were having dinner with my daughters and my wife. My wife and daughter started talking about being a mother. My wife told her that even though I wanted her to have an abortion, I love my grandson very much now. My daughter asked me if that was so, and I said, "Of course I love him." I really love my grandson, but my daughter knew that I was bothered by her situation, so it didn't sound sincere at all.

My daughter said I could give an honest answer. I told her that I really love my grandson but that I was disappointed that she had become a mother at an early age, had left school and her job and was now dependent on a man. She didn't argue with me but the rest of the night was a bit tense.

At the end of the night she went home and my wife started a fight over what I said. I told her that she was the one who wanted an honest answer, but my wife is sure that I'm an AH. My younger one agrees with me but says I was rude to say it out loud.

Edit:

I'm not sorry that my daughter doesn't live the life I want, I'm sorry that she lives dependent on another person, and I can't say that their marriage is going very well.

They chose the sport they wanted to be interested in, the university they wanted to go or their hobbies etc. I didn't force anything on them. All I want is for them to be self-sufficient.

I also told my daughter that I would pay for a babysitter if she wanted to go back to school or get a job. Yes, she is only 23 years old and could still have a career, but she's not doing that.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Active-Gold1266 on 2023-09-24 21:00:34.

Some quick background: I've always been ambitious and started a bakery pretty young. I was able to do it through a family loan (which I'm grateful for) and a lot of grit and insane hours. The dedication led me to miss out on a lot of things, and while I'm incredibly proud to have built something that's turned into a super popular spot in my neighborhood, I've definitely missed out on a few things.

One of which is that I'm 35 and single/childless. Although I have no regrets, I do want to find love. This is a topic of frequent discussion during family dinners with my parents and sister. It's not an unwelcome discussion, and my parents don't nag (they just ask normal things like "how was that coffee date last week?" or "did you like so-and-so?") and if things don't work out they don't say anything much.

Normally it's not a sad discussion, but this week I was sharing a bigger than normal disappointment in a recent failed date (we'd gone out a few times and I thought it would turn into something, but our schedules were incompatible). After hearing this, my sister piped up and said she wasn't surprised because I had "a negative and unfeminine aura that turns away men". My parents tried to shut her up, but she kept going on and on about how men would find my "energy" aggressive because I "set too many boundaries".

She ended with saying that I should try "manifesting a positive love story" and that by going into relationships with negativity I was "manifesting failure".

I was honestly so mad at this point, that I just blurted out "well maybe if you manifested a job, you wouldn't be fighting with "Tom" (her children's father) over child support payments". She has two kids with Tom, split 50/50 custody, and tries to live off of her child support payments by staying with my parents. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with that, except she always complains about not having nice things (i.e. she wanted a Chanel bag and was jealous her friend got one for her anniversary), and refuses to work (my dad offered her an admin job at his company, but she "hated sitting for so long").

She immediately started crying at the table, causing us to cut dinner short. My parents are trying to not take sides, but have recently asked me to apologize because my sister has been making social media posts about me "weaponizing her poverty" and being a bully (btw, to call herself "poor" is honestly a slap in the face to people actually facing poverty. She lives in a gated community in my parents' home). She refuses to come to my mom's birthday party next week if I don't say sorry. I personally feel like she deserved it, but I can tell my mom's upset.

BTW, the "boundaries" my sister say that result in me "manifesting negativity" are things like me turning down a date 4th of July weekend because I own a BAKERY and it's a huge weekend for my business, requiring me to be all hands on deck pumping out pies and pastries.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Front-Carrot-2991 on 2023-09-24 20:52:29.

My 7 years old son came back home from his dad house. He told me his stepmom has a diamond in her butt. He could see it thru her legging. I do wear legging too but hers are like 2 size too small and I have seen her walk around my child in bikini and it's so small it goes in her butt. I asked him politely if he can talk to her about maybe wearing pants that are more of her size and not show her ass in front of our child since it's not something he has to see.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ian_Moves_Out on 2023-09-24 18:30:28.

So for past 2 year I 25m live in a small apartment building. The apartment didn't have laundry room for the building when I moved in but did come with hooks up for a washer and dryer in the apartment so I to bought them myself because I work for a wildlife sanctuary and I get pretty dirty during my work.

Just the other day I had to chase down and wrestle one of our wild boars Bacon (we didn't name him that he came with that name) who love to escape his pen and thinks it funny to play chase.

I got me completely dirty I was covered in grass stain and mud. So I very much need them.

My boyfriend and I just got engaged and since my lease was up I moved into his house with him. I finished moving everything out of my old apartment yesterday and I thought nothing about taken my washer and dryer with me as I had bought them.

(My boyfriend had some but there were old and kept breaking down and were costing to much to have fix.)

Well I woke up this morning to mutiple miss called from My old landlord , I left my phone number and new address in case any mail was delivered to my old places.

I called him back and He asked me why the washer and dryer is gone.

I explain I took them with me

He started freaking out saying that he had put that the place had a washer and drying in the ad for the place. Apparently having raised the rent due to them. He started to demanding I bring them back because the new clients he has set up to move and had already signed the lease are not interested in the place without them. Even threaten to call the police if I don't take them back

I got angry and told him that I would do no such thing reminding him that they belong to me I bought them and I still had the receipts from when I bought them. As well as text from him when I moved that explaining I was buying them myself.

He again threatens to call the police.

I told him to do it and see what happen and hung up at that point.

Personally I don't think I'm in the wrong. I bought them and they weren't cheap so I feel I have the right to take them. My boyfriend is on my side but today co worker said they think I the asshole for not telling the landlord I was taken them. In my opinion that should have been obvious I payed for them why would I leave them.

AiTA for taking the washer and dryer I paid for with me when I moved out of my apartment.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway_peach_2396 on 2023-09-24 20:05:16.

My husband has a best friend named John that he’s known since college. I really like John but it’s worth mentioning that John grew up very differently from both me and my DH in that he comes from a wealthy family who supported him financially until he graduated from college and got his first job working for a major bank. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be poor or work a lower paying service job and have to make ends meet because he never had to. I don’t think it makes him a bad person, just out of touch with reality.

That leads me to this: one thing about John is that I absolutely hate going out to eat with him. He is so rude to servers and will often find reasons to not tip them. He has a habit of trying to order off menu or adding so many modifications to a dish that it’s no longer recognizable and will get angry if it’s even a little bit wrong (he doesn’t have any allergies or intolerances). Dining with him can be embarrassing and mentally exhausting.

Last night was the last straw for me. The three of us and another couple decided to try a newer restaurant in our city. After being seated, John seemed to be on his best behavior. No complicated cocktail or food order, in fact he got a glass of wine and only made two modifications to his entree. The only negative was that our server seemed to be in the weeds because of how busy the restaurant was but she was pleasant and you could tell she was trying her best to keep us happy which is all that should matter. John got pissed because she wasn’t refilling his water as soon as he finished it, his second glass of wine took a while, and our entrees took about a half hour to get out. All the while he’s talking about how this was going to be reflected on his tip. I was annoyed. And then when our entrees did come out, one of his mods didn’t come out right and he went ballistic on the server, told her how dumb she was, etc. I’ve never seen him get that angry with a server before, usually he’s just passive aggressive. In response, I lost it at him and told him that he was overreacting to such a small slight and that it probably wasn’t her fault. If he had such an issue, then he needed to speak to a manager and not yell at her about it. His meal was fixed soon after and the rest of the night went on smoothly. Of course John left no tip so I doubled mine to make up for it.

In the parking lot, I told him that I would never eat out with him ever again if he was going to continue to act entitled to restaurant workers. I added that he needed to humble himself and not act like he’s above anyone who doesn’t work a white collar job because not all of us were born into money and left without saying goodbye. On the car ride home, DH told me my comments to John were inappropriate and that I was an AH to him because he had every right to be mad. I replied that I had the right to not want to eat with people who behave like he does because it’s exhausting.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/thelairoflilith on 2023-09-24 17:45:43.

The initial event was years ago, however it still bothers me to this day and still causes tension between my brother and I.

My brother was doing… something (I don’t remember) and needed a babysitter. I had already been bullied into doing it for free by him and our mom just because he’s family, even though I babysat for a living at that point and had even been a nanny for a while. It’s not like I was going to ask for my full rate or something, but sacrificing my night (and potential PAID babysitting gig) so he could enjoy his without any kind of compensation was annoying. That’s not the issue though, I agreed to do it as a favor.

Long story short, his son (was about 4-5 at the time) was being an absolute TERROR, despite me engaging him with activities we could do together, fun kids shows he picked out, games, so on and so forth. He just decided to shut down and stop listening and kept throwing things. I would firmly tell him no, put whatever he threw out of his reach, and try to explain that we don’t throw things and if he wanted to play or do something else we could figure out something new.

Not 10 seconds would pass before he would grab something else and throw it (often in my direction). This went on for about 20 minutes before I gave up and said alright, if you can’t behave and play nicely, then you can’t play at all. I picked up everything and put it all away. There was only about 5-10 minutes left before my brother was supposed to get there anyways. So, I put a chair in the corner and put him in time out. He screamed and cried and threw a fit but stayed in the chair and I simply ignored him. He was still crying when my brother arrived.

When I tell you my brother LOST. HIS. MIND over me putting his son in timeout for misbehaving… he yelled at me about how his kids weren’t going to like me. I told him that was fine, I didn’t need them to like me, I needed them to respect me if they were ever to be in my care. He continued to berate me until I finally told him my services would no longer be available to him and to find someone else, since he clearly wanted some pushover doormat for his kids to walk all over and that wasn’t me.

I never babysat for him again. That was his oldest son who is currently 13 and he has 5 kids now. The youngest is about 4, but I still refuse to watch any of his children.

Recently, we got in a pretty big fight because he couldn’t find a babysitter and just because I was technically available (I’m disabled and work from home) I reminded him that I will not be watching any of his kids due to the event described above. He was livid that I would still refuse based on something that happened so long ago and idk if I’m being unreasonable or if I should let it go by now… so, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/PeakOk2085 on 2023-09-24 17:20:41.

I (28f) have been estranged from my whole biological family since I turned 18 and moved out of my parents house. Growing up my sister (27f) was the favorite and liked it a lot. Our parents favored her over me in everything and would often speak like I was years older than her instead of 16 months older. When she was a teenager she became especially manipulative and wormed her way into my friend group to push me out and gloated about it. They clearly weren't real friends to have it happen. But it was the satisfaction she took in doing that. We didn't have extended family really so that made it feel all the more isolating.

I decided to have a fresh start when I turned 18 and never regretted leaving them behind.

I met my husband a couple of years after moving out and his family became mine. I also made some great friends in college and life has been so much better.

One of my husband's cousins was raised in the house with my husband and siblings. When I met him the cousin was no longer in their lives. He'd had a lot of issues from his parents abandoning him and always struggling with joining the family he hadn't know prior to moving in with them. My husband and my ILs mentioned him a lot. I always wondered if I would meet him and then he reached out to my husband's parents and he made plans to come to dinner a few weeks ago. When he showed up he dropped the bombshell that he got married and wanted the family to meet his wife. I was shocked when I found out my sister was said wife. Our parents would never have approved of him for her. They were judgmental assholes when it came to foster kids. It was another thing that made me disgusted with my parents.

The whole dinner was awkward once they arrived. My sister made some snarky remarks toward me and was trying to crawl up my ILs butts. They were not as welcoming to her as they had been with me. But they also know our history and her reaction to me showed she hadn't changed. The whole dinner bothered her. She had never been in a place before where I was beloved and she was the outsider. Yet she was then.

She confronted me about the dinner a few days ago. I didn't expect to hear from her but she got my number through her husband I guess and she ranted at me for telling my ILs about our history and "turning them against her". She also accused me of hogging them and making her life difficult. She even admitted it wasn't how things go with and she's supposed to be the one everyone likes and that I should help her out because I owe her more than that. I told her to grow up and stop acting like I owe her anything after she was so shitty to me. I ended the call but she texted me a bunch after with her anger and claiming I was being petty and a dick to her. Her husband also talked to mine and said I could have been a little nicer. My husband told his cousin that I was nicer than she deserved.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GlassesThrowRA on 2023-09-24 14:11:02.

Hi (throwaway)

I(24f) still live at home with my parents and sister Amy(25f) but will be moving away to work in a few weeks. I don't have my driver's license yet because I feel anxious about driving but I want to get it before I leave. I don't have terrible vision but I can't drive legally without my glasses. I struggle to see sometimes but it hasn't been a major issue disrupting my day to day.

Because I haven't necessarily needed my glasses, I haven't used them in a few months. However, since I want to take my driving test soon I need them for lessons. For the past month or so I've been looking around the house for them and asking my family if they've seen them, but everyone has said they haven't. I knew for certain they were in the house as I was afraid of losing them while out so I never left the house with them.

Fast forward to today - I'm home alone and have been searching every room top to bottom, and went into my Amy's room to check. We typically don't go through each other's things so I acknowledge I was wrong to pry, but I found my glasses hidden behind some books on her shelf. I was happy to have found them, but confused about how they ended up there. When she got home from the temple a few hours later I confronted her casually and she laughed. Essentially, she thought it was cute that I had to squint to watch things on TV and wanted to see how long I could go without them.

I voiced my annoyance at the prank and her wasting my time, but was willing to just drop it and move forward. She got mad that I was upset and said I had no right to go through her belongings in the first place, and no right to be upset over a harmless joke. Sure I could have held out and she may have given them back, but the fact that she saw me panic so much and said nothing bothers me.

I haven't spoken to anyone else about this yet but, AITA for going through her belongings without permission even though she was intentionally hiding my glasses from me?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Late-Satisfaction228 on 2023-09-24 18:36:21.

I (F38) married my husband Sam (M47) five years ago. Sam always knew I did not want to have children of my own. He was fine with it.

He has a daughter Leah (F25). His wife died when Leah was 10 years old and I met him when she was 15. I didn't meet her till after a year of dating. She was a sweet young adult and we got along great. I did not move in with Sam till Leah left for college though.

Leah got pregnant last year. Her boyfriend did not want to keep the baby but she wanted to keep it. He broke up with her. Leah moved back in with us cause she could not afford her lifestyle without him. She worked as a teacher and he was the bread winner.

I had concerns about how she was going to raise a child on a teacher's salary by herself. I suggested getting him to pay child support. She did not want that. Sam thought I should stay out of it. Fine.

But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realise having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was. She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.

Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave baby at daycare or with a nanny. Sam and I both work as well.

She asked if I could stay home with the baby. I said no. First, it is not my baby, and I never wanted to raise a child. Second, I have work.

She asked Sam who asked me to do it instead. I refused stating the reasons again. Sam couldn't stay home because he earned more than me and covered more bills.

I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself. She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and she needed something else in her life too.

Sam feels bad for her and thinks we should help her. I suggested she pay for nanny with her income but Leah doesn't want strangers looking after her baby.

Both of them are pressuring me to stay home with baby so she can go to work. I am standing firm on my decision.

Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didnt love her and my husband is also mad at me.

AITA for refusing to help my stepdaughter with her baby?

Maybe necessary info? Leah's mom was a SAHM.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/UnlikelySalary409 on 2023-09-24 17:47:49.

My son burps a lot while eating. I have tried telling him multiple times that it is rude. I've told him to slow down so he doesn't swallow air with his food. I've told him that it is disgusting.

My wife will instantly jump in to defend him. She will say that's just the way he is and that it's not his fault.

The thing is he can control himself when I remind him. He just chooses not to.

He just went on a date with his girlfriend last night and she tore him a new asshole. It was his first time meeting her parents since they live in another city.

They went out to a fancy restaurant and he burped all the way through supper. He came home almost in tears from her chewing him out for behaving like a jackass in front of her family.

I heard him telling my wife about it and I laughed. She asked what was so funny and I reminded them both that I had tried dozens if not hundreds of times to teach him table manners and he rejected them and she protected him. I said that now he is a grown man and he had to learn the hard way.

They both think she overreacted and that I'm the asshole for being amused by his experience.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/chucklemage on 2023-09-24 16:25:39.

Tl;dr: I (25M) was asked by my parents (54M&48F) to buy them a house and when I said no, they said I don’t love them enough and am a bad son.

As recent as a two years ago, my parents both approached me to put my name down with my dad’s to buy a house. They made it very clear that my dad would be paying, and that my name on it because my dad was in property some years ago and got the old house repossessed (long story). I didn’t want to, but was emotionally pressured into saying yes because in my culture, an eldest son has to provide for their parents.

When they eventually found a house, I was asked by my dad to head to a lawyer’s office. I was sceptical, but went anyway to sort the paperwork. This was the first time I’d ever done anything like this and my dad was impatient with me for wanting to understand everything I was being asked to sign. He kept convincing me I didn’t need to read everything or know the meanings of all the terms and accusing me of not trusting him or my mum enough. I was again pressured and signed the papers but was unhappy. That house purchase eventually fell through and the whole ordeal just stressed me out.

The next time they asked, I put my foot down and said it did not sit right with me because prices were too high, interest rates were too high and I don’t earn enough to buy the kind of house they wanted. My dad was calm, but disappointed. My mom exploded. She accused me of being selfish, uncaring and called me a bad son. She mentioned how other people’s children would do it without asking and brought up all she’d done for me as a child and how ungrateful I was for denying her. It honestly broke my heart. She said that she’d ask my sister (28F who earns more than me fyi) to do it instead and how I had two choices: pay £500 (which is like 1/3 of my wages) towards rent a month or gtfo within a week. I was so shocked. I’d never in a million years thought my mother would say such things to me. I told her I’d pay for rent and anything else she’d need, but it’s causing stress.

Today, my mother asked again. I told her that I didn’t want to talk about it again and she went on another tirade. She said I wanted to abandon our family and that I’d never have a single penny in the house. I’d essentially be treated as a lodger, paying rent and any other cost or she wouldn’t let me live there. She said so much and I just sat there silently because I didn’t want to argue anymore but it made me so upset. I’m torn. I really love my parents. They’ve given everything for me and I want to help them, but I don’t earn enough money and this kind of risk just scares me. Am I the asshole for following my conscience and my heart and saying no, even thought it’s strained our relationship, or should I just put my name down and see it through?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Punner1 on 2023-09-24 14:18:35.

A beloved friend of 30+ years published a book. It's on a "real" press, and has received glowing jacket blurbs from a number of big-name authors.

I write a lot of book reviews and have hundreds of followers. I write detailed, honest reviews.

I gave the novel a 4-star ranking, a detailed and praise-laden review, with no negative commentary, nor any caveats on why I withheld the fifth star.

The book is good, ambitious in scope, and a serious accomplishment. But I reserve five-star rankings for superb, nearly flawless, "I would read it again tomorrow!" literature. I anticipated that even that level of couched, or implied "critique" would likely draw fire, so I opted to not qualify the 4 stars in any way. It was a 100% positive review that I thought would entice readers because of its detail and specificity.

The friend contacted me asking "Did you mean to give a 4-star ranking on Amazon? If you did, just take it down!" They followed by issuing a second demand, "And take it down on Goodreads, too!"

Before I could reply or take action, the author's partner wrote into the same group chat, "As you know, we are pouring our hearts, souls and finances into marketing this book,. Initial ratings are incredibly important and anything less than five stars is unhelpful. Very unhelpful. We will get our share of lesser ratings, but we don’t expect them from a friend who understands their impact."

I spent an afternoon thinking how to respond: Change the ranking to 5, and be a "liar" for a good friend? I mean, not a lot of skin off my nose, but I honestly had not expected a demand for an "expected" 5 star review.

Or, should I honor the initial request by the author, and simply take down the review? I literally read the request as being that: If you can't give five stars, take it down. (I read a lot of things literally.)

I opted to honor the request to take the review down. I replied, and I quote: "If you feel that a 100% positive, detailed, four star review is detrimental to your sales, I will honor your request to remove the review for now. The last thing I would want to do is hurt you. Or your sales."

This did not go over well. I was accused of stabbing them in the back, and berated for daring to issue anything less than 5 stars, when an author had blurbed "This is destined to be a classic." How could I possibly disagree? I didn't disagree. But, I note that the author did not give a star-rating with his blurb.

Without diverting into a completely different debate on the ASD "spectrum," I have been known to have a hard time understanding unwritten social rules, or know "common sense" in matters like these.

I am truly bereft thinking that this issue could torpedo an incredible, long-lasting friendship.

[edited; misuse of apostrophe in possessive "its"]

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Belle0910 on 2023-09-24 17:21:47.

I 24 female, did a last minute favour for friend of mine for his mums wedding,little bit of back story for you.

I love doing photography I always have and I always will. while I was out with my friends I was unexpectedly called by my brother in law, I don’t usually get a call from him so when I saw he was calling I answered and asked if everything was okay.. he had explained the situation about the previous photographer dropping out last minute at 6pm on the NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING! and asked me to help and I would be paid by a certain date.

I agreed and travelled 4 hours with my camera and laptop up to this wedding venue to take photos for the bride and groom.

Until today I found out I’m not being paid till much later in the month.. if not next month, so I sat and had thought about and came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t send any photos

I then explained this to my friend and he was unaware of a date being set for payment and only the amount, until I’d showed him that part of the conversation we had between each other.

So now I’ve been called an as*hole for refusing to send any photos over until payment has been made in full by given date but everyone’s already been using my photos quite happily for profile pictures and cover photos from the few I had already sent over, not to mention I’d already been hounded by people for said photos as they needed them asap? I feel the whole situation is about to put a divide between me and my friend when I don’t want it too but am I the Ahole for refusing to send anymore photos until payment has been made or am I over reacting?..

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Acrobatic-Salad-4531 on 2023-09-24 16:51:30.

So I (40m) was having a conversation with my younger brother(23M) about growing a family since my fertility struggles is well known in the family. He mentioned that he was trying to have a kid with his new wife so that's when we started to talk about basic stuff like potential names etc

My brother (let's call him Ryan) mentioned that he just really hopes it's a boy and not a girl. I asked him why, of course being curious. Ryan mentioned that girls come with more problems than girls, emotional problems, periods and teen pregnancy to name a few problems. Ryan went on to mention that he's not interested in dealing horny guys trying to bang his daughter and he just can't see himself having common interests compared to a boy. He also wants to pass on the family name and a daughter would just take on another man's name.

I was first thinking, does his wife know about his thinking but I instead asked informed him you can't really control the sex of the baby. I was a little shocked because I never really saw this side of him, then again he's 17 years younger so maybe I didn't see everything since I moved out early.

The kicker is that he said he wished he could have an option like I do. Now in IVF, you could have the option for gender if you pay for genetic testing in the US depending on the clinic. It's not typically used to pick which sex, but to determine the best quality embryo in terms of genetic defects to transfer. So if I have an issue with my sperm quality the best embryo regardless of sex is typically chosen.

I was annoyed and told him he should be fortunate that he doesn't have to go through the debt and pain of infertility and that if he's so worried about the sex of a potential child he shouldn't have kids at all. When his wife came in the room and asked what he were talking about, I told her. She was very appalled by what Ryan said and thought it was an asshole thing to say, considering she's also a woman

He was very offended and felt betrayed that I brought it up in front of his wife and hasn't talked to me since, it's been a week. AITA for both telling my brother he should never have kids and telling his wife? I feel like I might have caused friction by bringing it up and should have minded my business.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Longjumping-Car9517 on 2023-09-24 14:17:58.

Hey! Sorry for the long story I tried to make it as short as I could. :)

I (16m) have a step-brother, "Mike,"(18m) who has been suffering from anorexia for years. He's very self-conscious about his weight and I know it affects him a lot, but lately, he's been using it as an excuse to get away with everything.

At first, it started with small things like skipping out on helping around the house, but over time, it's gotten worse. He always expects everyone to to take care of his needs and to make special exceptions for him because "he's too weak" to do things like take the trash out.

Recently, Mike has started to take his anorexia to a whole new level. He's been constantly telling everyone in the family to eat just like him and to avoid any unhealthy food. He doesn't believe in cheat days or special treats, and he gets upset if anyone else enjoys something he can't.

This has been particularly difficult for his mother (my stepmother), who loves to cook and bake. She's a very talented chef, but Mike's restrictions have made it impossible for her to cook anything he can't eat. Our whole household has been reduced to eating simple meals that Mike can tolerate, and it's had a significant impact on our quality of life.

To make matters worse, Mike has started to throw away any food he considers "unhealthy." He'll go through our cabinets and fridge, throwing away anything he deems inappropriate for a "healthy diet." This has resulted in countless arguments between Mike and the rest of the family, with Mike insisting that he's doing everything he can to protect his recovery, while others are accusing him of being controlling and intolerant.

The other day, I finally reached my breaking point. Mike had been acting particularly entitled, demanding special treatment for even the simplest tasks. I snapped and told him that he couldn't keep using his eating disorder as an excuse for everything.

We got into a big argument, with me telling him that his illness doesn't give him the right to make everyone else's life miserable. He, of course, tried to throw the anorexia card in my face, saying that he's sick and he needs special treatment to survive.

Meanwhile, our parents overheard our argument and jumped in, calling me a jerk for being so insensitive to Mike's struggles. They told me that I needed to have more empathy for him and understand that his illness is a serious matter.

I know Mike's disorder is a real problem, but I also know that he's using it to manipulate everyone around him. Our family can't continue to live like this, with everyone tiptoeing around Mike's every whim just to keep him from shutting down.

So, AITA for finally speaking up and calling Mike out on his behavior?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Cowboyinthecity on 2023-09-24 13:55:31.

I've been together with my girlfriend for a bit over a year by now. She's been in several toxic and/or abusive relationships before we got together and she ensured I was aware of that before we started dating.

To get to the point, yesterday we kind of got into an argument. To cut things short, I was pretty overwhelmed after work and she kept asking me questions about whatever flew through her head. This went on for a while. Unfortunately that being overwhelmed turned into some sort of panic/anxiety attack (I'm not exactly sure what it exactly is, that's what my doctor assumes they are). During those I can hardly speak, breathe pretty heavily, my blood runs cold, can't hear anything properly and feel like everything around me was spinning. It's never happened to me while she was around and I've never told her it happens, because it's pretty rare.

She poked me, then shook me a little to which I just moved her arm away. I looked at the ground until it was over and assumed she was still next to me on the couch. Once I calmed down it turned out she wasn't. I got up and called for her and eventually she came out of the (locked) bedroom.

I asked her why she left and she told me she was scared. After that point it turned into somewhat of an argument. I kind of huffed and asked her What's she's scared of, to which she replied she was scared of me. Scared that I'd hurt her. In that moment, hearing that made me feel disconnected to her. And it was also a bit laughable to me, because I couldn't even see straight and she was "scared" of me. She told me that I need to understand her point of view, to which I told her "Why are you even with me when you don't even trust me not to harm you?" She got quiet for a bit and then just said I wouldn't understand.

I still didn't quite get what I did wrong, so I asked my older sister who told me I should be more understanding regarding her trauma, but I also think I'm not in the wrong for not wanting my girlfriend to be scared of me.

Am I the asshole here?

Edit: Bad wording

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ok-Protection2726 on 2023-09-24 14:07:02.

My older sister has been jealous of me for years. I get better grades well I can’t put them on the fridge since it hurts her feelings. I got into a college she didn’t and when I shared the news she was pissed. It’s for all types of things and at this point the family just ignores her if she goes on a rant. I got a new car and I showed it to my family. After that I got a huge rant about showing off to hurt her. It’s everything, ever millstone in my life is her thinking I am rubbing it in when I’m reality I am just living my life.

I bought a house! I am hosting a housewarming party and invited all of the family and friends. Today I got a call form my sister and it was about me rubbing in another milestone and how I must hate her. We got in a huge argument and I told her as long as she is a jealous bitch she is not welcome in my home. She called be an asshole back.

My parents heard about the situation and basically told me that she is wrong, while my brother is now not coming since he thinks I am an asshole. I need an outside opinion.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/LieComfortable7790 on 2023-09-24 09:53:39.

So my husband and I hosted my sister’s surprise birthday party at our place. It’s a nice size home. My MIL is from Ecuador and has limited English and has lived with us since her husband died in 2020. She’s been great having around the house and loves our two sons. She spoils them more than I like but that’s a whole other issue.

At the party my sister boss Amanda comments to me about how we are so lucky our live in maid is so good with our kids. I said “that’s my fucking mother in law and this is her home too” Amanda gets super embarrassed and leaves shortly afterwards.

My sister hears about the issue when she gets back to work from everyone how rude I was to her manager. I tell my sister that I don’t like it when people make ra.ist assumptions in my own home. My sister gave me Amanda’s phone number and asked me to apologize and I said no. It’s been an ongoing issue my sister said her work is uncomfortable right now and I told her she needs to go to HR because I’m not apologizing to Amanda over this. We got in another huge argument about how much she has liked her job up to this point and if I loved her hat all I would do what’s best for her. I tried explaining if she loved me and my boys she wouldn’t be ok with someone disrespecting their grandmother like that.

The whole incident is causing issues in the family with people taking sides or people trying to tell my sister to go to HR. My sister feels like she’s going to be forced to quit over this incident and this is the best paying job she has ever had.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/crisscrossapplesauc3 on 2023-09-24 13:58:50.

Long story short, I share house with my SIL, BIL and 6y niece until they finish their new house. Past November had my baby boy [now 9 months and half] and clearly there's a bit of jealousy goin on since then. So now I started giving him store bought snacks and yogurt, and I kept them in a shared pantry. My niece is in that phase she doesn't eat anything, only drinks and wants chocolate milk or flavored yogurt. The family in general now evertime baby is eating says loud and clear that is eating double and better than my niece. And now she started eating his snacks and food, when there's plenty of food for her. Because those are aimed for baby and my SIL isn't replenishing the food my niece eats I started hiding or putting out of reach. I'm the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ValuableBid6600 on 2023-09-24 11:50:13.

My wife and I have decided to see and speak to her parents far less than we did before. It's not entirely us going no contact but low contact for sure. The reason for this is how they disrespect me and my wife, but mostly me. The whole disrespect thing started when we were expecting our child together. My wife's parents made a comment that they hoped we would be kinder to our child than my parents were to me when they named me. I have seen my name come up on this sub a few times and I know it's controversial (Sky) especially for guys and for a full name. In response to her parents comment, my wife told them they should learn to keep their unrequested opinions to themselves and that they should be less disrespectful of my parents and us.

Her parents looked unhappy when my wife shut them down. But it was not the last comment they made. And then I remembered back when I first met them, and my wife introduced us, and they called me Skyler instead of Sky, and made a face when I corrected them and said my name was just Sky.

The comments throughout my wife's pregnancy reached a point where we decided low contact was the way to go. The ideal being only some contact with my wife.

It has been a few months like this and then my ILs told me there was an emergency and needed my help. I called to ask what the emergency was and it was basically to do some things around the house because my wife's father was struggling with back and leg issues and couldn't do any heavy lifting, etc. They told me I was the only person they knew who could do it and they needed help. I was pissed that they had claimed an "emergency" when really it was just them not wanting to pay someone. So I told them I do not help people who disrespect me and hung up the phone.

They sent texts to my phone and later to my wife's phone saying I was behaving in a childish manner and I should have more respect for my wife's parents and my child's grandparents. I didn't reply but I wonder if I should have said less when I said no to helping them. Or if I should have hung up and ignored them when I realized it was not a true emergency.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GazelleNo1616 on 2023-09-24 10:26:59.

I have a tradition that once a year I will take my niece(14) out. We go shopping and I buy everything she wants then we get dinner and ice cream.

Recently my brother got married and now has an stepdaughter(15) and my SIL thinks we should include her and take her with us. I told her that I don't have a problem with taking her with us however she needs to pay me for everything she buys and her dinner. I will pay for the ice cream myself.

She thinks I'm an asshole because I don't ask my brother to pay for my niece