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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Every-Raise-4378 on 2023-09-22 17:21:27.

My sister Jess (36) and her husband Greg (40s) just got custody of Greg’s nephew Toni (3) Greg’s sister is a drug addict who abandoned her kid of course there’s no father in the picture either.

My mom Tammy thinks we should throw a baby shower for Toni who’s 3 to welcome him officially into the family. I have 3 kids of my own and I’m hurt over my mom just accepting this is how it is. Jess and Greg have good jobs that paid for the adoption process and the get more parents leave than I did for my own children that was either pushed or cut out of my body.

My family acts like I’m in the wrong that Toni has had a family this whole time and throwing baby shower and helping Jess out with her new child is sweet. I don’t understand how this is a thing with my mom when has has five other grandchildren and she’s all into Toni and feels sorry for him.

I don’t think Toni will even understands why everyone is getting gifts and cake. It might even confuse him. My mom is like what baby (again he’s 3) doesn’t want a party and she said she would do the same thing for my brother and I.

I finally get my brother on the phone who has his two children and he told me I shouldn’t even come to the party if I’m going to be a b…c and now my mom agrees with me. They are planning this “baby shower” in a few weeks and I’m not invited, nor is my DH or my kids. I still think everything is blown out of proportion and my husband side of the family agrees and thinks we should host our own party the day of the baby shower to see where everyone loyalty lies.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Exciting_Tomorrow480 on 2023-09-22 17:45:55.

I am a single mom to 4 kids aged 28, 22, 18 and 17.

My oldest got a girl pregnant when he was 18 which resulted in a child(F10)

I'm not going to go into details about our relationship however I kust say that my son was nc with me for the last 10 years because I chose not to support his decision to keep the baby and run his own life. He was a very smart boy who was going to become a lawyer but now he is just a chef because he couldn't go to college.

We tried to fix our relationship a few months ago I met the kid for the first time and she was extremely rude and spoiled, I didn't approve of his parenting which resulted in him going NC again however it turns out I have been supporting him al along.

You see my youngest kids still lived at home and I financially supported them so they could focus on their studies but for some unknown reason they insisted on having part time jobs.

Now I know why, they have been giving most of their money to my oldest.

My oldest has a job and can take care of himself and his daughter but my younger kids have been spoiling her by giving her unnecessary things like new phones or helping him put her in a better school.

When I found out I was fuming and told them I'm done supporting them. They went behind my back and used me for my money. This resulted in a fight and my 22 and 18 yo moved in with my oldest.

Am I wrong for not wanting to keep supporting them when they used me like that?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/beanmalady on 2023-09-22 17:45:21.

I (f27) was running late to work yesterday and stopped to get my coffee at insert national orange and pink coffee chain instead of the local little shop I go to. I live in Brooklyn so there are a lot of great places for coffee, but not all of them are speedy. This places coffee isn’t half bad anyway, plus they have donuts.

Enter coworker “Parker” who is a self proclaimed coffee snob. Parker is my age. He saw the cup on my desk and started teasing me. The first time I was like “haha I know “ and that was that. Parker didn’t stop though, and it felt less like teasing and more like…just being rude? He started going off on my taste, how I wouldn’t know good coffee if it hit me in the face, how I was crazy to drink that trash at various points throughout the day. Finally at lunch he was like “you should really just let me make you something so you can actually appreciate good coffee” and like? We have a small kitchen where he keeps a moka pot and beans and it sounded unbearable. I said “Parker it is not normal to be this intense over a cup of coffee” and a few of my coworkers who were sitting next to me snorted. We all kinda exchanged looks as he made his own coffee.

This morning on the elevator it was just Parker and me and he said “I was very embarrassed by what you said yesterday. I’m very passionate about coffee.” I said “Okay but you don’t need to be rude about it to me” and he said “It hurt my feelings and you should apologize.” He then divulged that he is autistic and coffee is a special interest of his. I didn’t want to apologize, but this is making me rethink it. If anything, to keep the peace? I don’t know if I should. Will I be the A if I don’t?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pastel-Clouds-808 on 2023-09-22 19:13:37.

(No names in this story are real.)

For some context before the story, I (38f) cook asian foods regularly for dinner and for my daughter, Lily’s (7f) lunches at school. This is because my family enjoys these foods, I like to cook these foods, and my mom cooked a bunch of these foods growing up since she’s half Japanese.

Often times I’ll either give my daughter some leftovers from last nights dinner, plus a fruit/veggie and a snack, or I’ll make her a quick little bento box or some other thing really quick.

So, after school one day, my daughter wanted to play on the playground for a bit before we went home. I said she could play for a few minutes, and she ran off to play. I was waiting next to this other parent, who we’ll call Debra. While I was waiting, Debra came up to me.

Debra: Are you Lily’s mother?

Me: Oh, yeah, I am, why?

Debra: Well, your daughter’s lunches have been bothering my son, and I would like to ask you to pack something else.

Me: What? How are they bothering him?

She then proceeded to start talking about how her son was complaining about my daughters lunches smelling terrible, and that he thought it was disgusting. She also said her son didn’t eat most of his lunch because he was so grossed out.

Me: Okay…I understand your son doesn’t like the smell, but can’t he just sit somewhere else?

Debra: Are you kidding me? My son shouldn’t have to put up with whatever crap you make your daughter bring to this school. It’s disgusting!

And she started making more vaguely racist complaints, but I was fed up at this point.

Me: Listen, I understand your son might not like my daughters food, but he can very easily just not sit next to her. I’m not changing what’s in my daughters lunches because you and your kid don’t want to exist near Asian food. Fuck off.

She angrily stomped off with her kid then, and my daughter finished playing soon after, so we went home.

I talked to my husband about it, and he said that maybe I shouldn’t have told her to fuck off, to avoid her bothering us in the future. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Alternative_Visit657 on 2023-09-22 17:44:56.

I, 25, am a general manager at a frozen yogurt shop. I am not the owner, but I have been with them since I was a teen and worked my way up to my current position. It’s been the perfect job to pair with my classes. As the general manager, I do the scheduling as well as the hiring. The owners trust my judgment and let me hire/fire at my own discretion.

Last week I hired a girl, 16, from the local highschool. She was extremely sweet and showed a willingness to work. Seems a little on the quiet side but this being her first job I think it’s expected to an extent. There were zero tells/ mentions that she may be special needs.

2 days after hiring her (she’s not supposed to start until this upcoming week) her father came in and introduced himself to me. He was polite, and thanked me for hiring his daughter and left his phone number, telling me to call him after I’m off. I was confused by this as I’ve never dealt with a situation like this. But I did call him.

He thanked me again but then said his daughter has severe anxiety and a “slow learner” and that I need to make special accommodations for her. Here is what they are.

• Do not schedule her for more than 3 hours at a time.
• please allow her as many as she needs 10 minute breaks when she starts to appear overwhelmed. He said that if it is very busy, it is better to just let her sit in the back room and watch YouTube.
• her school comes first (which I understand) but he said when she has “significant” homework she will need to call off.
• give her plenty of compliments and let the other staff know to go the extra mile to make her feel welcome.
• if she does make a mistake, not to discuss it with her but to call him.

I don’t know much about employment law and not sure if I could be in legal trouble, but like every state we have at-will employment. I called the owner to tell him about this and he said to use my discretion. I want to call the father back and say I cannot make these accommodations, and if she does need these accommodations I will have to rescind the job offer.

I feel for the girl, like I said she was very sweet. But at the same time I do have a business to run, I’m not a special ed teacher. What is the point of hiring her when I will need to be over staffed to accommodate for her? I just can’t do it. So right now I’m thinking calling her dad tomorrow and letting him know that she will be treated like every other employee and if this won’t work for her than she cannot work here. Would I be an asshole for that

Edit: hey y’all thanks for the input. I’ve decided I am going to give her the job and just see how it goes. If she can’t handle it I’ll just let her go.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/RatioAny8249 on 2023-09-22 17:35:40.

My (now ex)wife and I lost 5 children before our daughter Jenny(30) was born healthy. I'm not talking about miscarriages. I'm talking about 4 babies I held and named before they died in the ICU in a few weeks. Mia the second youngest, was 3 before she passed from cancer complications. I still visit their grave and keep flowers on it.

When Jenny was born my ex spoiled her. She (my ex) thought I was being stupid by remembering our 5 late children instead of focusing all my attention on my youngest. And as Jenny grew up she instilled these same thoughts in her. Her(ex's) family also encouraged this. This caused us to divorce when Jenny was 10.

Jenny thought I should stop remembering my kids. She would get mad when she would see a picture of them in my bedroom and throw tantrums to make me remove them.

To preface I never made everything about my late kids. Other than the pictures where only I could see them and visit them on their death anniversaries (which is important in our culture) and the flowers they were never mentioned. I have never skipped Jenny's events in favour of the late kids or forced her to visit the grave. If Jenny had any events on the anniversaries I would attend them and support her and go visit the grave the next day, which is not normal in our culture.

Our relationship started to sour especially after she started getting even more spoiled by my ex and refused to learn basic life skills. The final straw was when she put her wedding date on Mia's death anniversary and I quote told me that "I should remember her, the living child every day, and now instead of some dead girl I'll remember her when I think of this date." There have been previous incidents before this.

I got mad and told her that if she was acting this way I don't want to be in her life. She accused me of choosing my late kids over her. Her to-be husband found out about our argument and now wants to stop the wedding entirely from what I hear. My ex's family want me to forgive her so she can get married.

AITA?

I am new to this and not Western so I apologize if the post is not clear

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Jacopinhell on 2023-09-22 17:11:52.

So I (M24) have been with my girlfriend (F29) for about a 6 months now. We go to each other's places frequently and sleep at the other's occasionally.

So last week, she slept over and woke up with period cramps. She asked for Ibuprofen, and because I only had two pills, I have her those. I don't really use Ibuprofen much, because I'm generally not very prone to pain apart from headaches, but those I use Thomapyrine for.

Apparently those two pills weren't enough for her and she got really upset at me. She said I should have Ibuprofen at home, that it's a basic necessity and that I should have it especially because she needs it frequently for her cramps. I don't see a reason for me to have large amounts of Ibuprofen at home, I don't need it. She's the one who does.

Now I asked some friends and they said that since I know she needs it, I should have some at home for her. I feel like if she needs it, she should take it with her instead of me having to provide it.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Quirky_Exam3942 on 2023-09-22 15:22:04.

My wife (42) has severe depression (bipolar) and spends most of the day in bed unless she is medicated. She has tried all kinds of medication and only ADHD medication has worked for her. However, due to high levels of blood pressure, she had to stop taking it and therefore is back to bed.

I am responsible for cleaning the house, cooking, washing dishes and most of the clothes, taking my daughter (9) to activites, and teaching her when she needs help with school. I also work full time. I do not expect my wife to help, and dont put pressure on her. After all she is sick. But it has been very hard for me, and until today, our daughter was not being affected by the situation (apparently).

Nonethless, school called today saying that daughter was crying. She told the school burse that she was worried about her mom being sick all the time. We have not heard my daughter's story because she is still at school.

My wife thinks that this happened because yesterday my wife told the mother of one of my daughter's school friends that she was sick and could not take my daughter to a play date. So wife thinks that my daughter's friend brought up the situation at school and made my daughter cry. Wife also come up with the idea that my daughter might be manipulating her to skip physical education (I would never have thought something like that).

My perception of the event was that my daughter was crying because she is indeed anxious with the situation (mom always sick). I said that we need to find a way to deal with the situation so that it does not affect our daughter. Wife got super mad and said that I was blaming her. I said it is not her fault since she does not choose to be sick, but we do have a problem that needs attention so that we can help our daughter to grow not feeling insecure, afraid or anxious given that the problem exists and for over 10 years and is likely to continue. When my daughter is not listening to her (like to take a shower), she always says to the kid that she feels sick and the kid needs to listen because of that. So she uses her mental issue as a way to make the kid listen to hear (I havent said this because she was too mad already). I also said she should not talk to other parents from my daughter school about her health issues, given that they can tell my daughter's friends and they can bring it up to school. She got mad about that as well. Am it the asshole here? I am open to advices. Thanks!

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/gloomyforces on 2023-09-22 15:11:39.

In the rental I currently live in, we have a communal room in the basement where everybody has a space for their washer and dryer if needed.

My old neighbour from across the hall (R) didn't have a dryer while living here, but she and I had an agreement, where she was allowed to use my dryer for free, if she plugged it into her own outlet. In return, she watered my plants if I was on holiday, I was allowed to eat her home-grown tomatoes she grew in the backyard and sometimes I'd watch her dog. All free of charge, basically just little niceties between neighbours.

Now 3 month ago, R moved out and L moved in. I met her in the hall a few times and since she now studies veterinary medicine, which I also did in the past, I offered her help and my old stuff should she ever need it. Basically, I was always nice to her the few times we met before this situation unfolded.Now a few days ago I wanted to wash some clothing and saw that my dryer was just done running, while plugged into my own outlet. Coincidentally, L came down just as I was down there and just started wordlessly unloading her clothes out of my dryer. So I asked her if she knew that it was in fact my dryer and not a communal one? She said she knew, but since R mentioned she was allowed to co-use my dryer while she lived here, she assumed that she was as well.

Honestly, I would have had no problem with her co-using my dryer, but I didn't like that she didn't even ask beforehand. So I told her no, I would prefer if she didn't use my dryer, since she didn't ask. L just huffed and walked out and I assumed that was that.

No. I caught her using my dryer two more times, each time plugged into my own outlet. Each time, I unplugged it and asked her to please not use my dryer again. Stupidly though, I allowed her to finish drying her clothes each time, provided she plugged my dryer into her own outlet. After the last time I (again) thought, well that's that, she must've now understood I don't want her using my dryer.

Again, no. I caught her using my dryer again earlier today. So I simply unplugged it and removed the cord entirely so she couldn't plug it into her own outlet and also didn't inform her of what I did. She just pounded on my door 30 or so minutes ago and screamed at me, because apparently her clothes now smell bad because they were left in the dryer, still wet, for too long.

I honestly don't feel sorry for her, or bad about what I did, but some of my friends say, while it's acceptable to not want her using my dryer, removing the cord and leaving her wet clothes was too far.

(Sorry for the absurd amount of times you had to read the word dryer in this post)

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ThrowawayNewRing on 2023-09-22 17:21:00.

I'm (26M) proposing to my girlfriend (24F) on our 4th anniversary, September 30th. I've been planning this for about a month, and I picked the ring a couple weeks ago. The one I got was on sale, so I managed to get it at a surprisingly low price.

Last weekend, I told my brother (33M) about my plans, and showed him the ring. He informed me that he was proposing to his girlfriend (29F) as well.

The next day, my brother came to my apartment while my girlfriend was out. He asked me if he could "borrow" my ring to propose to his girlfriend.

I thought he was joking at first, but no. His plan was to propose to his girlfriend, explain he was using my ring as a "placeholder" and then take her to pick her own ring later. His reasoning was that he didn't want to spend too much money right away in case she didn't say yes. I'd never heard of "placeholder rings", so I said no and the conversation moved on.

On Tuesday, he proposed to his girlfriend. With my ring. He'd taken it before leaving my apartment. I got distracted at work and didn't notice it was gone until his fiancée sent a picture of herself wearing the ring to our family group chat.

I called him to ask about the ring, and he immediately apologized and said he'd "keep his promise" and give it back to me. But at this point, my girlfriend had seen it and his fiancée had posted about it on social media, so it was pointless for me to propose using the same ring.

We fought about it, and he confessed that while he'd told his fiancée the ring was a placeholder, he didn't tell her where he'd gotten it from.

I felt more angry and betrayed about him going behind my back and taking the ring after I said no than the fact that he stole it. I also know his fiancée enough to know she wouldn't like to learn her engagement ring had been stolen from me, so I told my brother I'd tell her the truth if he didn't buy me a new engagement ring.

He fought against it for a few hours, but finally gave up and agreed. We went to a different jewelry store yesterday, and I picked a new ring. I managed to stay in the price range, but the new one was still $100 more expensive.

My brother bought the ring, but is still accusing me of being inconsiderate and childish. He is insistent he would have given me the ring back had I given him the opportunity, and I didn't need to threaten him to spend so much money on him. He's now refusing to talk to me.

I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I'd usually talk to my brother about these things, and it's surreal that he's the one I'm fighting. I can't tell my fiancée, and many of our friends overlap.

The only other person who knows about this is our mom, who's divided: she thinks what my brother did was wrong and I'm right to be pissed at him, but I didn't have to stoop as low as I did by threatening his relationship.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/throwaway852196362 on 2023-09-22 16:34:48.

I(F/32) and my husband (M/34) have been married for about 4 years. We met 8 years ago and fell in love quite instantly, it’s been a hectic ride but we’ve come so far and I love him with all my heart. We are both born and raised in the UK but my husbands parents are both from Somalia and came here as refugees before my husband was born. They are traditional Muslim and most of his siblings are as well. My husband is not religious. It was a hassle when we dated and his parents didn’t know about me for a while. I fell pregnant when we had dated for 2 years and now have a beautiful daughter who’s turning 6 in December. This led his family to be a bit more accepting of me and eventually we married. I don’t have a very close relationship with the family but they accept me well enough and adore our daughter.

My husband visits his remaining family in Somalia every now and then. Last time was once in our early stages of dating. And now the family is planning yet another trip. And he wants my daughter and me to come. I was hesitant. Mostly because of the safety concerns. It’s quite unstable territory where his family lives. He assures me that media makes it worse than it is and that we will be perfectly fine. Even so… I’m especially concerned for my daughter. I know FGM is widespread there and while I would keep my eye on her like a hawk I’m still concerned something could happen. My husband became annoyed and told me nothing would happen and that our daughter deserves to see where she’s from. I agree- when she is older. Let her see her culture through her family in the safety of home all she wants, but I’m hesitant placing myself and my child in a conflict area. He’s angry with me about this, i can tell. I’m sure we’ll figure it out but… am I being overly cautious here?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Only-Sail-5429 on 2023-09-22 15:21:23.

Last Sunday, my (F43) husband (M44) took our family car to go fishing with his friends. Since I was going to be away for a few days the following week (this week), I thought it would be a good thing for him to go, since for the days I was gone he’d be taking care of our 4 kids on his own. So, I encouraged him to go have some fun with his buddies.

He came home Sunday night and told me a lot about how great it was, what his friends were up to, etc. He then glossed over the detail that the car was a little dirty. Monday morning (I had to get to work and get the kids to school), I opened the garage and the car was completely filthy with much of the lower half covered in mud.

I was disgusted but didn’t think too much about it since I was in a rush. I opened the door, and somehow the interior was even dirtier than the outside. Since I’m the primary driver of the family car, I always keep it super clean, so I was quite irritated at this.

Once I dropped off the kids and got to work, I texted my husband about the situation. He apologized profusely and said he’d get it cleaned while I was on my work trip (Tuesday – Thursday).

I got back last night and saw the car was still dirty. I mentioned it to my husband and he apologized again, saying that he’d get it cleaned this weekend after he goes out with his friends.

I was tired from my trip and very frustrated, so I told him that he would not be spending any more time with his friends until the car was clean. I think he thought I was joking because he didn’t act serious about it. When I reaffirmed that he would not be going out, he acted surprised and said that I couldn’t be serious.

Later that evening, he was talking on the phone with two of his friends, talking about how they were looking forward to this weekend. My husband typically talks on speaker phone so when I heard, I walked into his office and told his friends that he wouldn’t be able to make it this weekend until he finished some responsibilities.

My husband looked so surprised by this and one of his friends asked him to confirm and he just said “Apparently I am grounded”. This morning he told me how embarrassing it was that I would say that to his friends, but I told him that he decided not to get the car cleaned and he also said the word “grounded”.

Needless to say, he isn’t going out until the car is clean. I think he might be upset with me and I’m starting to feel conflicted.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/No_General_6097 on 2023-09-22 14:27:26.

I should say this is a throwaway account…

When I was in 8th grade we had to do square dancing for PE and I danced with this girl names Vanessa. I don’t remember the dance but we had to hold hands and I fell head over heels in love with her. She was really out of my league so I never had the courage to approach her but I used to have vivid fantasies about dating her, marrying her and having a life with her. She moved the first yeah in high school so I thought I’d never see her again.

I saw her at Safeway yesterday. She looked exactly the same and I had to say hello. I asked her if she was Vanessa and she said yes and I said she probably doesn’t remember me but we went to middle school together and she said that she remembered dancing with me in PE. I was so stoked that I went into telling her how much I was in love with her but too afraid to approach and she always seemed so sweet and she was still beautiful. I said that my silly school boy had dreams of marrying her and having kids and I even had the names picked out. I asked what she was doing now and she she’s getting her masters in architecture but it turns out the office she works out of us right down the street from my work. She said she had to go and I asked for her number and she gave it to me and said maybe we could catch up with a group of friends some time. I was so stoked and we said goodbye.

About 10 minutes later I thought of the name I wanted to name our kids because it was based on a book we were reading in ELA (flowers for Algernon) so I FaceTimed her to tell her. She didn’t answer and I got this text “hi, I’m sorry but this whole encounter was really intense for me. I wish you well but please don’t contact me again.”

I tried to call her on regular phone this time and I think she blocked me. I saw my girl cousin later last night and showed her because I don’t want Vanessa to get the wrong idea—I’m just a normal guy. I was thinking about maybe just stopping in at her work and explaining things again.

My cousin said that text was as blunt as it could have been without using swear words. she said I was fine to say hello, I was weird when I told her about my day dreams and I was a “certified asshole” when I tried to FaceTime her 10 minutes later and she doesn’t even have words for what I’d be if I stopped by her office.

I would like to get a second opinion— AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Pretty_Nobody8746 on 2023-09-22 13:49:26.

My late wife (Jen) passed away four years ago, the kids were in their 20s, but this post is about Jack. Jack is 28 now and he took it really hard. Now he has issues with anything changing especially with me. We have had argument after argument especially with my wife’s old stuff. I but her clothes in the attic it’s an argument. I change up how the garden was and it’s an argument since Jen did it one way. I had conversation after conversation with him. I have recommended grief counseling but he won’t go.

I started dating again this year and I informed the family which went over well. No issues, I planned to keep everyone separate for a while but this happened yesterday. My girlfriend was over and my son stopped by to return some power tools. They saw eachother and before I could introduce her my son said a this is the bitch. We got in a huge argument and I told him his mother would have been disappointed in him, that he needs to show basic respect to my girlfriend. He left after calling me an asshole.

AITA, I know for a fact Jen would have been horrified in his actions.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/GfLittleBrother on 2023-09-22 13:26:03.

I (33M) don't want to get into too much detail about this but my little brother (22M) is afab (meaning he has female biology) and the conception of his son (6M) was nonconsensual. While it was a lot for him, he has always been a great dad, and his son is a joy and I was and still am always happy to look after him when my brother needs me too.

Now onto what happened, my brother was supposed to have the day off so hadn't sorted any childcare but was called in last minute and couldn't really say no. he called me up and asked if I could take my nephew for the day, he was super apologetic, but I said it was fine as I didn't have any plans, my brother told me he didn't know when he would finish, and I said that little nephew could stay the night. My brother thanked me again and came by before he had to go with my nephew.

About 7pm-ish my gf of 2 years knocked on my door, when I answered she was stood there dressed up and told me she had organised a surprise date, I apologised to her and told her that I was looking after my nephew, she got upset and said she had put a lot of effort into this. I told her that I appreciated the effort and would love to but I didn't know about these plans beforehand and already had commitments, and unless nephew could join us, I couldn't come.

She got pissed off at that and yelled that my nephew isn't my responsibility and that my brother needs to be a better parent. I told her that he was called into work last minute and was being responsible by making sure someone was looking after his son. She then went off saying how if my brother wasn't properly prepared to look after a kid he should have kept his legs shut.

Now that set me off, she knows what happened to my brother, in fact I had told her only a few weeks ago with the permission of my brother. I told her to get off my property and that she was disgusting, and how could she say that when she knows exactly what happened.

She started crying and saying I was being cruel and unfair and then just started spewing some disgusting victim-blaming bullshit that I won't repeat here because it honestly makes me sick. I again told her to leave, and that I will talk to her when she has calmed down, because if we continue right now I will break up with her here and now. She got quiet, then called me an asshole and left.

Now I kinda feel like shit for how I talked to her, not the message of what I said but maybe the content went too far, she was slightly drunk but I honestly saw red, I've always been super protective of my brother, but I also love my gf so im conflicted. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Positive-Purple-487 on 2023-09-22 13:57:04.

I (F55) had been married to my husband (M60) for 20 years before he died. It was cancer.

He had two kids from a past marriage who were in their early teens when he married me. I had a 7 year old from an earlier relationship as well. We didn't have anymore kids.

I tried to treat my step children as my own but they never accepted me. They were very rude and insulted me whenever they could. Since I did not work they called me a gold digger who married their dad only for his money.

The truth was my grandparents were quite wealthy and left me a lot of money when they died. I lived well below my means and chose to stay home and raise my daughter, since I could afford that. I did not need his money at all. But I didn't bother sharing this with his kids and told him not to either. I did not want them to like me just because they might gain monetarily from me.

My husband on the other hand hated how they behaved with me. Their blatant disrespect made him not pay for their College tuition. Their mom couldn't pay for it and they had to take loans for it. They didn't even talk to him.

Even when he got cancer, they refused to come see him. For three years we struggled with the treatment. My daughter came to visit from time to time, when she could.

During this time only person who really helped both of us was someone we were not related to at all. This girl in her late 20s waitressed at a cafe we frequented. She was a single mom, taking classes at community college at night, working during day and raising her two kids. She took a liking to us and when she learned my husband was sick, spend whatever time she could visiting him. She has stayed nights at the hospital when I needed a break and basically been the daughter we wished for.

When he died, she helped me arrange the funeral. His kids came on the day and all they wanted to know was about their inheritance. I felt sick.

When I learned my husband has left his estate to me, (whatever is left after settling his bills, and it was around $25000), I decided to give it to the girl who helped us both so much. She tried to refuse but I insisted she take it. She needed it and in my opinion deserved it more than the ungrateful children.

My daughter understands why I did not give it to his children but is upset I did not give anything to her either. I told her she already had money and a job. Not to mention she will get my inheritance. This was in no way her money.

But his ex wife and kids are causing havoc over this and really upset with me. They are calling me AH for giving away money they deserve.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Queasy-Strawberry378 on 2023-09-22 13:15:30.

My ex and I were meant to go on holiday and we booked an airbnb together. It was for a week and the total was $2000. I was a bit apprehensive for the trip because I felt like something wasn't quite right in the relationship but he seemed really excited for it. We split the bill 50/50.

About 2 weeks before the trip I found out he was cheating on me and when I confronted him he was desperate for us to work things out but I ended things the same day. I didn't really think about the trip or anything bit a week later I got a text asking me to refund the money. I messaged the host and cancelled the trip and sent him a screenshot showing we weren't getting a refund because we cancelled too close to the trip date.

Secretly though I messaged the host and came up with an excuse that we were sick and had to cancel last minute so could she give us a refund as this was not our fault. Graciously the host agreed! I got the $2000 in my account and I kept it a secret.

When I told my friends they were split on whether I should keep the money. Some told me I should others were calling me an asshole for keeping it. It is causing a huge argument in my friendship circle! AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/_Grapefruit_805 on 2023-09-22 11:00:01.

I (30m) supposed to get married to my husband (30m) We are engaged. We had no problems up until now For privacy reasons let's call him Jack. Jack and me started dating about 4 years now. His parents know that he's gay

Now getting to the issue MIL would show up at random times of the day to "plan our wedding" I had to cancel many events that i made with my husband because she would show up. She tried telling us that we needed certain colors to the wedding. A specific area where we needed to get married so on and so on She wouldn't let me put in any opinions. My husband is the one that wants a big fancy wedding But I don't really do good with planning but I should get at least an opinion on what we're doing... (Like where we're getting married color theme etc) This would continue for weeks she would try to control every little thing to our wedding I picked out the suit that I wanted to wear And she demanded to see it and I said that she didn't need to because it's how I liked it. And I don't want her ruining the one thing I could pick out. She didn't say much so I thought that was the end of it so I went to go talk to my husband for a little bit. I went in my room to grab something and I saw her snapping through my clothes trying to find my suit

Of course I got mad...I told Jack that I was upset about it but he said it was no big deal but I wanted it to be a surprise for both my husband and everyone else. ( It was a really nice suit) it was the first time that I ever spent a large amount of money on something special. So I started yelling at her that she had no business snooping through my things and that all she's been doing is controlling our wedding that's not even hers and that she should be uninvited to the wedding I also told her that I don't get how my husband can be so attached to her when she does nothing but snoop in people's business. And try to control every little thing in their life She started tearing up and walked out of the house and my husband started yelling at me saying that I was a big ashole for making his mom cry. He left the house and MIL texted the entire family and they all are all on my husband's and M.I.L side. So am I the ashole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Worldly-Tradition598 on 2023-09-22 12:05:40.

My brother has two children with my best friend. They dated for almost 10 years. He was never that good to her though and he left when their kids were 4 and 2. My best friend and I remained best friends despite what my brother did. I have been a very big part of my niece and nephew's lives because I help her out by babysitting and generally we spend a lot of time together.

My niece and nephew are now 8 and 10. Two years ago my brother got married. SIL decided that since she was married to my brother she could make decisions for the kids on her own. She put a request in at the school that the parents wanted him to have her sister as his teacher. When my best friend was contacted she was furious. SIL also tried to change the kids doctor without informing anyone. To be fair my brother gave her permission to. But he can't even do it without my best friend and vice versa.

They ended up back in court and my brother was warned SIL could not interfere and an order was placed that she could not be part of official decision making for the kids. So she's not entitled to be at meetings with schools, doctors, etc.

SIL interfered some more in extra curricular's and tried to move them without saying anything. This led to my brother getting less parenting time with the kids.

This is on my brother. I do understand that. But SIL is always so shocked when I'm not around them or I don't treat her like she's a part of the kids immediate family. She thinks I should be telling her more about the kids when they don't have them, etc. She also said it was wrong for me to stay in touch "with the ex over my brother".

Recently SIL tried to say that my best friend had coached the kids to say mean things to her and to tell her that their dad shouldn't be married to her. I didn't believe her. Nobody in my family did. But she went hard on that and had some people outside of the family believing it.

I have been extra distant since. At my niece's (not my brother's daughter but another niece) birthday party she confronted me for being "distant" and was saying I was treating her like shit. She was like why does nobody care that my best friend keep the kids from her and their dad. This is when I called her a snake and said she overstepped and my brother allowed it which is why he doesn't see his kids as much.

She accused me of being rude and taking too much out on her.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SilentBunch5189 on 2023-09-22 11:21:21.

My (25F) best friend Jen (24F) has been dating her girlfriend (Alexandra 28F) for around 6 months. Jen's been asking me to come over to Alex's house for dinner with my husband James (29M). She really wants us and her girlfriend to get along better and hasn't let go of this dinner idea. We have a two year old so it took us a while until we were able to manage. But we did accept.

Alexandra is a but different from us. For instance she comes from generational wealth, knows her way around art, is a bit arrogant, etc. However since she makes Jen exceptionally happy, I don't really care. It still sometimes shows that she has had a very different background.

Alexandra's house was huge. James and I were just looking at sculptures, paintings etc. I wanted to be nice, so I asked Alexandra about this painting that she had. She went on to explain who painted that, what it meant, how she bought it, etc. James asked her how much it cost her and she said it was around 140K.

My eyeballs probably got out of my head because you could easily buy a house with that money! I was so surprised that I said 'holy f##k you paid that much for this thing?' Alexandra did nor appreciate that and said art really didn't have a price and stuff like that.

During dinner, I made another one of these comments when I realized the cutlery used at our table were all silver. I was like it's heavier, not comfortable, and they cost god knows what. Alexandra clearly didn't like this comment too because I saw her squeezing Jen's hand a bit but thankfully she didn't say anything.

After dinner Jen told me I had embarrassed her with those comments and said she wanted us and Alexandra to bond better not the other way around. She is still upset with me. AITA?

Edit: Jen also is much more comfortable financially but she spends money way more reasonably unlike her gf which is what caught me off guard

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/dismomof4 on 2023-09-22 09:41:57.

My (34f) daughter (7) has been having a sleep regression issue for the last 6 ish months. Basically she gets up 2-5 times a night. Almost every single time she tells my husband and I that she wants us to physically tuck her back in. She shares a room with two of her three siblings (not ideal and will be changing)

Whenever my husband gets up with her, the behavior gets more frequent. In my eyes this is because he goes all in. Doing things like singing to her, cuddling her, talking to her, instead of placing her back in bed and going back to sleep. She basically gets a ton of attention with him at night and it makes her get up more. I’ve tried to explain this to him but he dismisses it, so I usually get up with her to try to curb the behavior by giving minimal feedback and just putting her back in bed.

My daughter came to me at almost 3 am and asked me to “cover her back up” I was admittedly short and irritated. I took her back to her room and told her she is a big enough girl to cover herself with blankets. We’d practiced this and talked about it so it wasn’t like I was expecting her to do it herself out of the blue. She refused. So I told her goodnight, She began full on screaming at the top of her lunges and crying. I tell her that I’m going to count to three and she can either stop screaming or we can go downstairs. At this point she’s woken her siblings and I’m trying to contain the situation. I count to three she’s screaming more. I lift her out of bed and lead her by the hand to the stairs.

At this point my husband is up. He tells me he can handle it. I tell him I’m taking her downstairs to talk to her and to keep her from screaming where everyone sleeps. He tells me to stop. I tell him he’s undermining me and to back off.

He does step aside but follows me downstairs and is cooing to her the whole time and bringing her water. I repeat that I can handle it and to please leave us to talk. He refuses.

I do manage to talk to my daughter, explain that she can’t scream like that and that she needs to be a big girl and cover herself with her blankets at night. My husband hovers over my shoulder. I take her back to bed, she does cover herself up, and we leave the room.

He immediately turns to me and tells me that I was abusing our daughter. That I can’t convince him that what I was doing wasn’t abuse. I try to explain but he ignores me and marches downstairs to the couch. I try to talk to him again and he just insists that I’m abusing our daughter. I was admittedly short with her but besides leading her downstairs by the hand I did not touch her and I don’t feel I was overly mean in trying to enforce her tucking herself in when she finds herself uncovered in the middle of the night. So, AITAH?

TLDR my daughter wakes up multiple times a night. In trying to teach her to take care of her needs on her own I removed her from the room so she wouldn’t wake up her siblings, my spouse is calling me abusive and mean. AITA.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Far_Spend_4679 on 2023-09-22 10:02:14.

I (17M) have a strained relationship with my dad. I moved in with my maternal grandparents almost 2 years ago now and our relationship, mine and dad's, only got worse after it. A few weeks ago he asked me to go to therapy with him because he wanted to fix things. I was skeptical but agreed to go. My grandparents encouraged me to try but also said if I wanted to end therapy at any time they would support me because they know how my dad can be.

The background will probably be helpful first. My mom died when I was only a baby. Dad dated some when I was little but I don't remember many of them. There was one who was really nice and I liked her a lot. He was single for a while when I was about 8 and then when I was almost 10 he met the woman who would become his wife, Gwen. Gwen was a single mom who was in the middle of a bitter divorce and she had a daughter, Katie, who was almost 2. My dad moved them in really fast because he wanted to help Gwen with her ex. But that meant life for me changed in so many ways.

Her ex was a dick. He was arrested several times. He would show up at the house and yell and curse and cause a scene. I was no longer allowed to have friends over or go to friends houses or hang out with my friends after school because dad wanted me "home" where he knew what was happening. He sold the house and downsized so they could go to court and try to get the ex's parental rights severed to Katie. Which meant as a 10 year old boy I was sharing a room with a 2 year old girl who was very new to me.

We moved around a lot to try and avoid the ex. I was 12 when learning disabilities were brought up for me and an amazing teacher realized years of struggling with had a reason. I was supposed to go for an assessment and my dad had a meeting with someone who told him it would be in my best interest to have stability as far as school was concerned, so I could have the best chance at learning and achieving my best. But we still moved a lot.

I resented the hell out of all of this. To me Gwen and Katie were never worth all this turmoil. And when I was 15 I begged my grandparents to fight for me, which they did, and because my grandparents could use the educational neglect against my dad, it was decided I should stay with them for stability. My dad was upset. We already weren't close but afterward it was worse.

We had a couple of sessions solo with our therapist and we had two sessions together. During the last session dad said he wanted to know why things were the way they were. And I told him I felt as though he made my life more difficult and that it wasn't worth it. That his relationship with Gwen was not worth sacrificing the years of my life because of all the instability they brought. I pointed out how he never stopped to consider me in any of it. Just as long as Gwen and Katie were okay.

He was mad. After the session he told me how could I say that about my stepmom and baby sister. He told me it was a cruel thing to say. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Throwaway9472037302 on 2023-09-22 11:01:12.

My (24f) cousin (23f) has always lived a privileged and rich life with parents that spoiled her rotten as long as she was in school.

Me and her have always been pretty close since we were children because she is my only female cousin, so we often confide in each other.

A few months ago she confessed to me that she was pregnant and that my uncle and aunt were refusing to support her, while she and the father could stay in their home they wanted both of them to find a job to be able to provide for the baby's needs (formula, diapers, clothes, stroller, bassinet and crib)

My cousin has been unable to find a job, supposedly due to her state and the father is also still uneployed, so she asked me to help her.

While browsing through some trade/selling groups on facebook I was able to find her some second hand clothes, free baby diapers and an old crib that a woman was giving away. When I told her about my findings she called me horrified and said that her baby would not be wearing "old, stinky clothes from someone else's trash" and that the crib was super old and not what she was looking for.

I have to be honest, she was kinda annoying, so I told her "Do you know what choice you have? You either accept these or get your ass off the couch and go to work, and pray that you can buy all you need for the baby's due date" (which is mid-October, so not a chance) She accused me of calling her lazy and purposefully "finding the shittiest stuff I could" to upset her and she called me words before hanging up. My uncle later called me and told me that I had greatly upset my cousin and that I should treat her better because she is pregnant and can't afford the stress. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Unhappy-Mamma on 2023-09-22 09:24:55.

I (F32) am currently eight months pregnant with my first, which my husband (M33) and I are absolutely thrilled about. I am nearing my maternity leave (not in the US, for reference), and I was in the office this week to try and finalise all the little loose ends before I am off.

I am primarily a remote worker, so while the team has grown quite rapidly over the past few months, and I have not had an opportunity to meet every new starter in person. That means there were a lot of new faces in this week, and I enjoyed chatting to them.

Now, it is quite obvious that I am pregnant, and my maternity leave has been spoken about quite a bit within the team as I am handing over all of my projects, so new starters have spoken to me about the pregnancy while I was in the office. This is no issue, happy to chat about the baby and our preparations, but I was made quite uncomfortable by one interaction this week.

"Susan" (F40s) started three weeks ago, and I am handing some of my work over to her while I am gone. I have met her a few times over Teams, but she saw me in person for the first time on Tuesday. She was asking lots of questions about the pregnancy, and detailed (quite graphically) her birth story. It was a bit odd, but I tried to move the discussion on. That is when she said, and I will quote her:

"I am not speaking as your colleague, I am talking as your friend. If you ever feel or notice something odd, please feel free to reach out. This could be cramping, or bleeding, or your water breaking. Even if you need someone to help coach you as you prepare for birth."

To be clear, we are engineers and Susan has no medical background. I was so freaked out, why would she offer this kind of help, and why would I call essentially a total stranger and discuss personal details about my body?! We have been totally professional up until this point, and this was my first time even meeting her in person!

I told Susan that I appreciated the thought, but I had a fantastic team of doctors and a very supportive family, so I was okay. Then Susan said, "It is sometimes easier to talk to someone who has been through it, so please call me even if it is the middle of the night and you don't want to wake your husband" I told Susan that I was getting uncomfortable because this was not an appropriate discussion for work, and I would appreciate if we could stick to project-related topics only from now on.

Susan seemed quite upset and has subsequently been avoiding me at the office and taking much longer to get back to emails. I mentioned what was going on to my mom, and she said that I was too harsh when Susan was clearly only looking to bond with me and this was the only way she knew how. My mom said I should have told her that the office wasn't the place but I should not have shut down her offer to help. She said maybe Susan was trying to make a female friend at work and just came off a bit weird. So, was I the AH?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Soft_Illustrator4494 on 2023-09-22 07:33:56.

I (15M) was born with a big birth mark on my face, it looked like a large scar across my eye. And a few days ago in my ninth grade math class, a new student had started attending after moving a home, and therefore schools. This girl had something called alopecia I believe, she was completley bald, and she wasn't really a nice student.

Yesterday, as I was walking past her at her locker on the way to class, she glared at me and said "Hey there ugly Scarface". I was hurt, and also angered by her comment, and turned to her and shot back with "Ugly is pretty ironic from someone who looks like a giant penis". After I said that, she held the top of her head immediately ran off crying. I got in trouble in the office and now have to spend the next week in detention during lunch for it, and I think it's unfair how she got off with no consequences for calling me ugly.

AITA?