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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Shot-Independent8641 on 2023-09-17 21:36:26.

Throwaway and this happened recently so bear with me

I (F18) started university this year. My school is located outside my home province, so I wasn’t expecting to see too many people from high school here. However, I did see this one guy from high school, Thomas (M18), here.

To say Thomas and I had a difficult past is a bit of an understatement. He tormented my friends, especially me, during our preteen years and for the first two years of high school. He would always call me the most hurtful things and was your typical bully. I don’t know why he hated me, though I think he probably thought I was an easy target.

He stopped picking on us around grade 11, and I thought that was it. Apparently, according to some of my friends, he turned over a new leaf around that time. Fast forward, and I see him during orientation week. He approached me and said hi. I returned his greeting, and we made some small talk, but I tried to keep things relatively short. During this chat, I learned that (surprise, surprise) we're in the same program and even in the same residence building. He seemed happy with this, as in his words, it was nice to see a familiar face.

Over the next few weeks, we’ve been chatting pretty regularly given that we do have pretty similar schedules. I’ve been trying to give short, polite answers, but whenever we talk, he just doesn’t shut up. I sometimes suspect that he actively seeks me out for a chat.

Earlier today, when I was at the campus gym, I saw Thomas. I tried to avoid his general area in the gym and kept my AirPods in my ears, hoping that he would not notice me. About halfway through my set, I heard him call out to me. We talked for a bit (I was annoyed at this stage, as he did interrupt my workout), and then he starts asking me if I need help with any of the equipment or anything like that and that he could personally train me.

I declined his offer, and then he bluntly asked me out. I didn’t think I heard him properly, so I asked him to repeat what he said. He then said he wanted to take me out for lunch or something like that. I said something along the lines of now wouldn’t be a good time, but he persisted and said that it could be fun.

At this stage, I snapped. I told him that I thought he was beyond repulsive and dumb as shit if he thought I’d go out with him. He looked very shocked at this, and before anything else could be said, I grabbed my bag and left.

Later, I told my roommate about this, and she said that I was sort of an ass, but that she could understand where I was coming from.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Zealousideal-Bee-896 on 2023-09-17 20:50:27.

I (F23) have a childhood bestfriend, "Maggie" (F23). She's really beautiful and someone that you can get along easily. I love Maggie, but she has this problem that sometimes bothers me. Maggie likes to sleep with wealthy married men, no, no men of her age, no single men, she only likes guys that are like a decade older than her and that have their own families already. Not for money - It is just "her kink". I'm not trying to "kinkshame" her or however she calls it. it's just that it gives me quite the ick. This strained our friendship a bit.

Maggie meet this guy, "Max" (M39) in social media, he texted her in response of a story she posted. Now, they began to chat and Maggie got super fixated with this guy. She keep talking abt him, showing me pics of him, yada yada. I know it's her life, but something about that man irked me but i decided not to tell her to not get into a fight. Finally, after like 4 months, Maggie and Max meet, and meet again, Maggie even introduced him to me and in that moment i knew much better than something wasn't right. In Maggie's words, he was single and all that and that it wasn't anything to be concerned. Maybe it was the age gap between them and the fact that Max was a total jerk, lol, but it made me highly uncomfortable.

Few days ago, Maggie came to my house and she was crying. At this point I already had a idea of what was happening. She tells me that she got pregnat of Max and just went she told him he dropped the big bomb, he was married with 2 toddlers and couldn't take responsability for the baby. Maggie said to me that she didn't expect it because Max always told her things like "She was the love of his life", "they would marry someday", "she was everything he could ever want". To be honest, I felt sad for her because the man obviously lied. I told her that I'm so sorry about what happened but she should know better at this point and she should have been more careful.

Maggie began to cry more, I comforted her a little more until and then take her to her house again. But since that, Maggie doesn't want to speak to me and ignores me. I talked about this with other close friend of me and Maggie and she told me that i was too harsh and I lacked of tact, and that Maggie was obviously being manipulated by Max.

I have been thinking of my friend words, i want to know what you guys think. Was i the AH actually?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SelectiveSerotonin on 2023-09-17 20:21:03.

My husband and I have an "allowance" system that prevents a lot of arguments about incidental spending.

Both of our salaries go into a joint account for all bills, investments, and agreed-upon purchases. The allowance is a smaller amount ($50-$100/week, but always equal for each of us) that gets moved to separate accounts for each of us, with the understanding that we can spend this money on whatever, no permission needed. Usually it's spent on individual hobbies/splurges. This works well for us.

Today, I was looking through my husband's credit card bill that I had used recently (with his permission) to make some travel arrangements. We don't keep any secret bills. This credit card is auto-paid from our joint account. I saw a $73 charge to YouTube and asked him about it. He said he didn't remember buying anything, so I dug further. Turns out he had subscribed to YouTube TV last December to watch a football game on a road trip and forgot about it. I had no idea because this was his YouTube account, his email notifications, his credit card. The total charges added up to about $675.

I admit I was annoyed and made some short comments. "You should always set a reminder to cancel these things." "If you responsible about checking your emails, this might not have happened." There is a history of him being irresponsible with bills and missing important emails. I manage almost all the finances. We're in good shape, but I hate the idea of waste. We weren't even utilizing that expensive subscription, he paid that money to watch one thing ten months ago.

I told him that to be fair he'd have to pay the $675 out of his "fun money". He had more than enough in there because he was saving for a bigger hobby purchase. I cancelled the YT subscription on his phone, then used the banking app on my phone to move the money from his allowance account back to the joint account. I probably should've asked him to move the money himself, but I was upset. I felt more calm after doing the $ transfer because to me the matter was then settled.

He got irritated and said he shouldn't have to pay out of his allowance for a simple mistake. I said "Everyone has to pay for their mistakes. That's how life works." Maybe I was harsh. But the wasted money was all on him. I don't see any better way to resolve it. He pointed out that we are doing fine financially, we are fortunate that $675 out of the joint account won't affect our budgeting for the month, but it will make a big difference to his saving for his hobbies as it is close to 2 month's "allowance." It was the principle of the matter to me. I'm very careful with money. No matter how well we do financially, I'll always look for good deals and avoid profligate spending.

So, AITA for moving my husband's fun/allowance money to pay for a mistake he made?

EDIT: I appreciate the responses, as reading the objective viewpoints helped me realize I behaved badly, more punitive than "fair." Marriage is a partnership, not a balance sheet, and honest mistakes happen. I reacted out of irritation about the money without thinking about the bigger picture. I called my husband and apologized. He said he didn't blame me for being irritated, as he was irritated about the money too, but he appreciated the apology. He said we could talk later about moving the money back or not.

Thanks again, and feel free to keep weighing in with comments- I feel like healthy debate is the best part of AITA.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/hellasgoofy on 2023-09-17 19:50:33.

I(23f) live with two people(both women in their 20s) and part of my job involves driving around and travelling. Never international(yet at least) and it isn't glamorous. I stay at cheap motels

So be the clear. The airfryer is MINE. I bought it fully with my own money. There are other things in the apartment like my roommate bought a blender and my other roommate bought a coffee machine and toaster oven etc.

I don't mind if others use the airfryer as it just sits on the counter. Because it is mine, if I am home and someone wants to use it they will ask me first because I might be wanting to make something soon. And it is the same with other people's appliances, we all ask. The only communal item is the oven/stove and microwave.

In the last year I have been travelling a lot more and to save money on food expenses, I bring the airfryer with me. I also like eating healthy and don't want to eat out often. So with the money work gives me for food expenses. I just buy raw meat and vegetables and store them in a cooler in the car if I am on the road. And when I am lodging somewhere I put them in the fridge. When the time comes I'll just plug in my airfryer and season them up and toss them inside. I also have a small rice cooker and will do that as well.

My one roommate doesn't really care but this PISSES off my other roommate. The first time it happened she blew up my phone. She said she had food cut and ready to be air fried but couldn't do it. She was pissed when I got back and said that I can't just take appliances. I told her that it is my appliance and I can do as I please. I told her and this is where I could be an asshole that "I wouldn't throw a bitch fit if you took the blender with you." She said that she uses the airfryer for most of her meals and meal prep. I said "use the oven or stove when I am gone." She said she uses it to reheat her food and that the microwave just isn't as good.

I don't think any of this is my problem. If it is REALLY that important to her. I feel like she could just pick up an airfryer herself. I told her this and she said they are too expensive(which they aren't) but I just said it isn't my problem. Recently I was on the road for a whole month and I did a lot of cooking. To the point where I saved money and was able to just do fun things with that extra money.

And stuff like this has happened before. She's taken her blender places and our other roommate took her coffee machine when she was staying somewhere else. I don't see why this is my problem. Maybe I could be partially the asshole for not warning her the first time. But it is mine so I just don't see the point.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Shoddy_Reach_4774 on 2023-09-17 19:08:56.

I (29m) and my gf (25f) have been together for a year now.

Yesterday we were supposed to us doing our own stuff till about 6pm and she was going to come over to my place and then we were gonna watch a movie at the theaters. At like 6 she calls me says that she panic bought a dresser from target (she just moved into a new place, and her closet’s a lot smaller than before so she has nowhere to put her stuff), and asked me if I was willing to help her with move and carry it to which I straight said not tonight. She then countered by asking me if I’d rather sit on my couch and do nothing than help her with this (she’s a nurse and she works Su-W)

1. I’ve had a long week at work with multiple deadlines that I had to meet
2. I’m the chapter President at my non profit and I had to give a presentation to like 80 people midweek
3. I was just tired from the workout earlier that day.

She said the trend of me being unreliable in her times of desperate need continues. She brought up another instance in the past where her Lexapro needed a refill, and she didn’t get it filled till the last moment and then she ran out, her pharmacy is close my office, so I offer to pick it up for her and she said yes.

I picked it up and I got home later that night at like 8pm that night and then she calls me asking what the plan is, and I’m like uh what, and then she goes off on how she’s dizzy and sick cause of the withdrawal from lexapro and that she doesn’t want to plan after getting off a 12 hour shift and then kept saying how she wouldn’t have asked me pick it up if she wanted me to give it her and that I’m unreliable again. That escalated into another fight where I brought up miscommunication and she said she can’t rely on me in her times of need.

Text me saying that? “Please drop off my medication if possible” how hard is that? I can’t read between lines on a busy workday

Im someone who already beats himself up a lot mentally.(It’s gotten better after 2 years of therapy but still) I just cried all night and told her she needs therapy to work on her shit and that I will not be a punching bag for her to project her panic onto. I said I can’t take this every time and that if she doesn’t work on her shit, we may have to part ways. (I really don’t want to, but I don’t think it’s healthy for me to have a raging headache the next day cause of all the crying during fights like this?)

She keeps saying how all she’s doing is expressing her disappointment and that healthy in a relationship and that we don’t have to fight over every instance, but then how do you then deal with being called unreliable and the silent treatment that follows?

AITA

UPDATE: to everyone saying I wasn’t willing to help, I just wasn’t willing to help that night. I was okay with helping today, tomorrow, or the day after, or whenever she’s free. I just wanted one Saturday evening off cause I worked the previous Saturdays

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/MobileAdvance1625 on 2023-09-17 20:18:43.

Throwaway for privacy. My ex (44M) “Max” and I (44F) had our daughter “Annie” (28F) when we were 16 and split up a year later. I married my late husband when Annie was 2, but she was difficult and they didn’t have a good relationship. We were constantly in court fighting to keep her with us when she was younger.

Annie and I’s relationship is rocky at best. I wasn’t invited to her wedding in 2019 and I didn’t know my first grandchild was born last year until my ex posted about being on ‘grandpa duty’ on social media.

Last week Max posted a photo of himself on fb in front of a new house, which I knew he couldn’t afford. Later he added another picture of him with Annie, her husband, and their daughter, thanking them for their gift. I saw red. Max doesn’t need a house, he has no wife or children. Annie has four siblings who would have appreciated this gift far more than him. I know this was an intentional move to continue to drive home how much she loves that my ex is still focused solely on her.

I called and yelled at her, and told her she needed to stop punishing me for moving on with my life and start being a decent sister. She should be willing to share any blessings she has with her entire family, not just one person. She said nothing, but after I hung up she blocked me. Max called me after and yelled at me for being ‘cruel’. He said that Annie and her husband can do whatever they like, and that Annie has no reason to take care of my children for me. I told him he poisoned my daughter against me and that she is who she is because of him. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but my friends think I went too far and I need to apologize to Annie.

Edit: For context, she knows we have been struggling financially since her stepfather’s passing. I’ve brought it up with her anytime we’ve finally managed to be in communication.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/NotYourBarbieGirll on 2023-09-17 20:14:24.

I 29f used to be in a relationship with a guy a few years ago. He was everything to me. Words cannot describe how much I loved him. We are Asians, and love marriages are not that common in my country, but we were determined to make it possible. It was a really toxic affair because he used to make me do all his work and fulfill all his needs; basically, I was performing all the wifely duties without being an actual wife. He dumped me three years ago because his parents found a potential bride for him and he could not let them down. I was shaken.

He was from a rich family, and I come from a humble background, but I never ever took a single penny from him or asked for any expensive shit. Once, during our final year of college, we both needed better laptops due to assignments and projects, but my parents weren't able to afford them at that time, but his father gifted him a more expensive one. I was upset, and let me be very clear: I was not jealous of him; I was just upset that we couldn't do anything about my laptop, but instead of supporting me, he said, "Girls are liabilities, boys are assets, and of course your parents won't invest in a liability." We had a huge argument after this because I am a single child and I know my parents love me.

Fast forward to now. He is divorced and has a 1-year-old daughter with his now-ex-wife. I, on the other hand, am thriving in my career and have no plans on getting married. After 3 months of him begging me, my friends, and coming to my city, I agreed to meet him. He was hoping to reconcile, but I flat out told him to just leave me, and anyway, he has a "liability" to take care of now, in a sarcastic way. He got confused, so I reminded him about that incident. He got upset is an understatement, and he cursed me out in public. I got scared and left without even arguing. I have nothing against his child, but I think I did something absolutely wrong. It was not intended and happened in the heat of the moment.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Humble_Buy1144 on 2023-09-17 20:06:03.

My sister thinks I'm the AH here but I'm not sure. I (31m) went on a third date today with a girl(30f) I met online. I really like this girl. We went to a pub for a drink after the activity we had planned was cancelled. We had a few (non alcoholic) drinks and ended up having a conversation about food. She said the conversation was making her hungry and I agreed. We chatted for about another 30 minutes during which she mentioned maybe two more times that she was hungry. I suggested ending the date and she agreed.

We had agreed to a simple date as her car had had unexpected problems that meant she had very little money until payday so I assumed she didn't want to pay to eat out.

When i got home my sister was surprised I was back so soon as she knew I liked the girl so I explained. She then basically called me an idiot and said I should have paid for us both to eat as the girl would probably have paid next time. She is probably right as so far we have split everything equally and in one of our conversations the girl had told me she found one guy she dated awkward as he insisted paying for everything and she didn't like that. I could have offered to extend the date and buy us both dinner but I didn't really think of it. My sister says I've outed myself to my date as a selfish AH who is tight with money and now I'm worried that's how I've come across.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Flower-Mind_444 on 2023-09-17 17:57:08.

I have twins that are 19F.

One speeds, darts through traffic in her small car, she drives other peoples cars and lets them drive hers. This has gone on for a while. She has had 2 small accidents but those were not her fault. I have asked her to drive more responsibly and never swap cars with people. It keeps happening. She also has a lot of parking tickets she always says are “not her fault”

Other twin has 1 reported at fault wreck and a couple unreported fender benders, an 80+ MPH speeding ticket she hid from me recently, drives other peoples cars and argues with me that it’s a necessity. We have seen open alcohol containers in her vehicle as well.

We have another teen driver on our policy and we will be adding another in 5 months. I was informed by the insurance company that with all these things going on, there are only 3 companies in the state that will insure us currently and if anything else happens none of them will. Our rates are insanely high as-is.

When the twins left town for college they continued these behaviors, one got a speeding ticket the day she moved out, we were moving her into the dorm that day and she didn’t tell us. The other didn’t even try to hide that she lets her boyfriend drive her car 3 hours to our house.

With that I decided to remove them from our family policy. I offered to help them find individual polies, they declined. They both work and have been paying for their respective policies since they were 16 with PT jobs.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Sea_Masterpiece8820 on 2023-09-17 12:10:59.

My husband and I recently became the guardian's of his 16 year old niece Hannah. Hannah is on the spectrum and has some challenges because of her autism. These challenges were made worse in the last three months when she lost both her parents (mom and stepdad) and then came to live with two strangers (husband and I) while also not having contact with the "step" siblings she has known since she was 2 years old. The loss of contact with her stepsiblings is their choice. They are all older than Hannah and do not consider her their family/sister and did not wish to remain in touch with her now that their father is dead.

My husband has been incredibly angry with her stepsiblings for having no interest in Hannah. He has spent the last three months trying to contact them and guilt them into being part of her life. While I feel like Hannah needs therapy but I need him to get on board with it and help me.

My husband hadn't seen Hannah since she was 18 months old. I never met her. So this has been an adjustment for everyone but she struggles with strangers naturally so to have all this happen, she is not coping well. But my husband focuses less on getting Hannah the help she needs and acts as though the only thing that can/will help is to force her stepsiblings to stay in touch with Hannah.

I think it would help but it can't be forced either or they might take it out on Hannah. I have told him we cannot make them stay in touch with her.

The other day my husband and his parents were complaining about her stepsiblings and he was like "I'm going to DM them again and try to get an answer." I told him he needs to focus more on Hannah right now and less on yelling at people (through DMs) because nothing he has done so far in pestering these people has helped Hannah. I pointed out we need to figure out where we stand on getting Hannah therapy because the case worker is still involved and we can't make any decision we want for her currently.

My husband's parents said I had no right to speak to him that way and I should be just as disgusted as he is with these adults who don't care about their own sibling. My husband, at least, seemed to get a bit of a wakeup call when I spoke and he told his parents it was fine. But they told me there is no reason to speak to my life partner the way I spoke to him.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Agreeable-Tomato-658 on 2023-09-17 19:46:20.

So I (27 F) have been with my husband (31 M) for 13 years now, married for 9. He was my first serious boyfriend and we were high school sweethearts. We got married right after I graduated high school, and moved in together right after he graduated college and got his own place. Everything was wonderful.

I lost my job at the beginning of lockdown in 2020, but my husband was able to keep his as his. I continued to be a stay-at-home wife even after lockdown let up because my husband makes plenty to support us both and we’re child-free. After 2 years as a SAHW, I wanted to go back to work, at least part time. I told my husband I wanted to return to work, which led to a long talk. After some hack and forth, we came to an agreement. If I can’t find a job after 6 months, we’d consider a sign that I should be a SAHW and he should be the breadwinner, and I’d find an out-of-the-house hobby to engage in.

With some help from my husband, I gathered references and fired up my resume, but nothing ever came of it. It’s been two months since we reached the end of our agreement, and I’m back to being a SAHW. A couple weeks ago, I was out with one of my friends, Sarah (34 F). Her husband (35 M) is long-time friends with my husband. We were having brunch and I told her that my big job search failed and that I’m sad about being a SAHW again because I still haven’t found a good hobby. Sarah gets visibly upset and says she’s got something to tell me. She said she didn’t know how to say it and she was sorry for keeping it from me, but that she thinks her husband and my husband were the reason I never got a job. For background, the business I worked for before lockdown no longer exists. Before that, I worked at another small business owned by Sarah’s husband. It’s his and his brother’s pet project next to their full time jobs. So he’s listed as my most recent employer.

Sarah said she walked in on him a couple months prior badmouthing me over the phone. When she asked him what it was about, he wouldn’t say, but eventually she got him to confess that he was tanking my chances at a job because my husband asked him to. Half of my references are professionals that my husband knows, and I suspect that they were also in on it.

I was so angry that I went with my thought: get him fired so he tastes his own medicine. And I succeeded. When he found out what I did, he exploded on me, telling me he did it for us and our future family and that we could’ve been so happy if I would’ve just stayed at home and been a good wife. He called me a lot of names and told me to get out, so I went to my mother’s house and I’m still here. He’s been blowing up my phone daily, sometimes angry, sometimes begging me to come home, but I want to let him sit in what he’s done for a while before I go home. Part of me is sad though, and wondering if I did the wrong thing here. Was I the asshole for getting him fired?

Edit: I’m going to take a break because a lot of you are jumping down my throat and twisting my words. For those of you asking why I’d go home or what I’m going home to, clearly my HUSBAND. Yes this is rough patch and we’re mad at each other, but we can talk and go to therapy and figure things out. For those of you saying I screwed us because we’re no-income now, my husband can find another job. It’ll be fine. He’s also very good with his money and has saved and invested a lot, and our mortgage is paid off (the house was half-paid by his parents and given as a gift). We’re going to be financially fine, even if we have to budget a bit harsher for a couple months. It’s nothing we can’t handle. I’ll come back in a few hours and read through the top comments when the trolls are done.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/swishyswishy1234 on 2023-09-17 18:58:02.

The bride, "Rika", is super nice and undemanding. Her main request to the bridesmaids was having hair and makeup done by the same HMUA (Rika paying) the morning of the wedding for the getting-ready hangout. Rika had her mind set on a specific HMUA that offered a fancy bridal experience with lots of extras and she was very excited about it.

I wear bold, dramatic makeup daily. I had no issue sticking to Rika’s very different preferred style for her wedding. However, over the last few years I had a number of painful reactions to make up products and I was never able to figure out the trigger. If I immediately take makeup off pain goes away in hours and discomfort fades in a few days. While reactions are rare, I now stick to specific make up lines I know work for me.

I asked Rika if she could ask the HMUA what products they use; or I could do my own makeup while everyone else was getting theirs done (trying for the same look). But Rika just kept saying she had a reputable MUA that followed professional standards of hygiene, and that the makeup would be quite light. It seemed in her head, reactions could only happen with a shady MUA or heavy makeup.

Rika said she could pay for me to have a trial done on the same day she’d have hers so I don't have to worry. I agreed like a dumbass, then realised that didn’t work, because if the MUA used a triggering product, I would still have a painful reaction just on a different day. I messaged Rika again, and had the same pointless conversations.

The trial day was coming. I didn't want to just cancel… it made sense in my head to message the MUA with my question directly.

Unexpectedly, the MUA straight up said she can't work on me for liability reasons as I cannot identify problem ingredients. Not even using products I name as safe. She also asked if the bride was aware. Turns out Rika had filled out a form that confirmed no one had known makeup sensitivities. I don't blame Rika, she signs medical and customs forms without reading them. But the MUA was enraged: she almost fired Rika as a client, 5 weeks ahead of the wedding (they worked it out; fwiw I haven’t ever heard of a MUA with such forms or such a hardcore stance in general).

Rika and her maid of honour since implied I was intentionally sabotaging so I could do my usual "attention grabbing" makeup. I'm hoping that's MOH/ bride-stress talking and not what Rika really thinks of me.

Several people told me I should’ve just risked it, considering my reactions (and the chance of them occurring in the first place) are relatively minor. The more people say this, the more I'm thinking maybe that IS what is expected of a friend.

Obviously my worst move was messaging the MUA directly. But I wasn't getting anywhere with Rika and I was afraid that she'd be mad if I just said I wasn't doing the HMUA thing. But the more I think of it, going behind her back on something so important to her may make me the AH.

ETA: people keep asking about patch tasting: my reactions only trigger on my lips and eyelids, arm swatching or w/e doesn't help.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Inevitable-Honey5292 on 2023-09-17 17:46:38.

I am 6 weeks off of giving birth and a few months ago my boyfriend and I were sat at his sister's and we were discussing birth plans (this is my first child and my partner has 4 and his sister has 2 children so they are more experienced at this). During this conversation his sister stated how she didn't want certain people to know when she was having her second child which from what I gather went out the window as someone told the person she specifically didn't want to know. We got to the stage where I was talking about what I wanted and I expressed how I only wanted my mum and my boyfriend in there with me with his dad and step mum there 24 hours after the birth, this is when all hell breaks loose. I then get for weeks on end "I'm going to be your birthing partner not your mum" "I'm going to tag team it with my brother" "I'm good to be there as it's through half term" no matter how much I said no this wouldn't stop until I completely lost my rag and had a massive row with my boyfriend over it to the point where I told him if she doesn't stop and get it in her head no one will be there with me and he will miss his child's birth because of her and he told her that she will be invited to see the baby as and when we are ready for visitors. Since then she has tried everything she can to try and ruin my relationship with my boyfriend, as in we go out together and there is suddenly an emergency at her house and she can't get out of work and her kids are on their own and 10pm at night, she finds out we are meant to be doing something together and suddenly she can't cope and needs her brother and keeps him there until all hours of the morning knowing he won't leave her while he thinks his little sister is in trouble. This has also led to huge rows with me and my boyfriend and I just now feel abandoned because I never see him and that she will come up with an excuse to stop him being at the birth. I also need to add when she has these "emergencies" she has a go at him for answering his phone to me. Do I just change my mind and allow her to be there so that I actually get to see my boyfriend and know that he will be allowed at his child's birth or at least be able to know I have gone into labour?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/SoftAndMushy on 2023-09-17 17:53:54.

So, recently my aunt (F41) and her son (M13) came home to my country from Sweden. We have a spare room where my dresses are hung since my room is a little small. They're sort of hidden away on a rack in the corner so you have to pull them out to see them.

My aunt and my cousin were going to sleep in there which I didn't have a problem with. He's mentally handicapped (I don't really know what it is) and practically acts like a 7-year-old (which is a little annoying but I don't blame him or anything.)

When I woke up in the morning it was really hot and everyone was down stairs so I walked into the spare room to find a dress, only to find practically every single one with cuts and parts on the floor.

I basically freaked out and instantly knew who it was since my aunt and mom wouldn't do something like that.

I stormed down the stairs and screamed at him, which attracted my aunt and mom to come immediately. I couldn't be calmed down at all, since I bought most of the dresses with my own money.

He started crying and my aunt hugged him, trying to console him whilst my mom started yelling at me for making him cry. He even admitted to it after a while and even then they consoled him!

My mom offered to pay for some but it's only enough to for like ten dresses and I had over thirty, besides I can't find some of my favorites since we're getting closer to winter and the fact that I was proud that I paid for it myself.

Some of my family (including my mom & aunt) are all telling me I'm in the wrong and to apologize to him, but I really don't think I'm wrong.

AITA?

Some context: I am a 16-year-old cis woman and haven't seen my aunt and cousin for a little over two years. We have a shared desk besides the dresses that have a few scissors here and there, we (my mom & I) forgot about them when they came so we didn't hide anything away.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Stock_Shift_3111 on 2023-09-17 16:17:41.

My brother has a daughter named Lu(F10) he also recently married to Jane(F43) who has a daughter named Elle(F11).

I(M29) am very close to Lu. Every time we see eachother we like to wrestle and cuddle and I generally enjoy annoying her(which btw she loves)

Well Jane recently called me to tell me that Elle is very jealous of Lu because she doesn't have an aunts or uncles and asked me to tone it down whenever Elle is there. I told her that how I treat my niece is none of her damn business and hung up the phone. She then sent me a long message basically calling me an assholr

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Ackrogzz on 2023-09-17 13:18:41.

So I(25) bought them(both 76) Gossip Girl Complete Series from Season 1-6. Gave them the DVDs, since they said they were starting to get bored with nothing to do at home. I didn’t expect my grandma to start binge-watching two days ago(right now she suspects Dorota is Gossip Girl btw lol), but then my granddad called to tell me he hasn’t been able to watch anything else and thinks he won’t be able to until she finishes the entire series. Told me off for buying all the seasons and blames me for it. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Fearless-Pipe7307 on 2023-09-17 17:23:40.

My ex and I were together for 9 years and we had a son who was 3 when I learned my ex got another woman pregnant. I filed for divorce right away and he moved in with his other woman. Right after the birth of my ex's daughter the other woman disappeared off the face of the earth. My ex's sister told me that the other woman hadn't wanted a baby and it was suspected she moved back to the UK, where she was originally from, but that none of them knew for sure.

Ex and I have equal parenting time with our son. We are supposed to split the cost of things but I normally pay more because he's unable to provide everything. The judge ruled no child support because we technically make the same. It's just he has an extra mouth to feed. Our son is now 8 and ex's daughter is 5.

My ex has expressed concerns a few times about how much more our son has. Our son wanted to do extra curricular's so I pay for those. I also make sure he has all he needs for school. While my ex struggles to provide for his daughter the way our son is provided for. Ex wanted us to "work together so both kids can be equally looked after" and I told ex it is not my job to ensure his daughter is provided for. I told him he has two kids to provide for while I have one and that is his fault, not mine.

He argued that I should be thinking of the kids, who are innocent, when I make this decision and I said no.

Ex raised even more concerns after the kids went back to school (his daughter going to elementary school for the first time) and his daughter had less school supplies than our son and he said I didn't send them to his house (son kept them on him since he was with me the first day of school). He said his daughter noticed her brother had cooler stuff and was upset. He also said his daughter had to dip into some class supplies while our son had more than enough. He mentioned their school bags being way different quality, etc. And he said this is going to make his daughter's life much harder in the future because she won't understand why.

I didn't care about his concerns and reminded him again that I am not responsible for his daughter in any way. He went off on me and said I was being shitty person dismissing his concerns and he said we are meant to work these things out together.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ReferenceNo7452 on 2023-09-17 15:40:41.

I (40 F) and my husband (44 M) are running a 1/2 marathon in a few weeks time. I feel relatively prepared as I’m a triathlete (training 10 -20 hrs a week for the past year) whereas my husband hasn’t ran at all since signing up a few months ago. My attitude is - his choice to sign up, his choice to prepare for it. I digress…

This morning he asks “do I need a hydration belt for the race”? Background context, I have not looked into the aid/fueling stations as I was planning on being self sufficient, so I answered “I don’t know. As these types of questions are common, I followed up with “what steps have you done to answer your own question?” Then he went off that it was a “Simple question” and I should answer it. I explained that he is adding work onto my plate as that question is rooted in the fact I need to : know the race nutrition stations, know his nutritional needs, his current hydration gear and determine if there is a gap - all of which he is capable of doing himself. His response was I need to get my head out of my a$$ and just to answer the question. I did reply that he shouldn’t be lazy and he can answer his own damn question (not the best response-I know)

So folks, AITA for not answering my husbands “simple question”.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Short-Personality811 on 2023-09-17 14:14:51.

My baby's dad left me for another woman when I was 7 months pregnant. He was also abusive during my pregnancy which was investigated by authorities however there was a lack of evidence and he wasn't charged.

He made minimal effort after he was born to come and see him, stating he would not help me with his care as a newborn and following my c section surgery, so I had to do it all alone. Was only coming once a week for around 30minutes to see him, and when he was 7 weeks old stopped coming altogether.

I bent over backwards when he was visiting him, making him coffee and even left my own home on two occasions for an hour so he could be alone with his son. However he was always unpleasant and spoke down to me. I just accepted it and thought it's better than him not seeing him at all at the time.

When he was 3 months old he sent me a lawyer's letter wanting me to give the baby to his mother every week for 3 hours for him to see without us coming into contact to stop us arguing.

My lawyer responded offering him twice weekly contact for 2hrs at a time instead, to build contact (short and frequent is what's recommended at that age) slowly from there, however he never responded to the letter. We chased him up 2 further times over the next 3 months but heard nothing.

Fast forward to when our son is 7 months old and he has applied to the family court for child contact arrangements, with overnight once a week.

I wrote two defamatory posts on facebook about what he had done during the pregnancy and abandoning me for another woman in the past 6 months - I deleted them both times after a couple of hours of posting them, it was an outlet for my frustration which I know I shouldn't have done.

He is now saying I was harassing him to child services.

Am I the asshole for telling the world on social media what he did?

Now I am petrified of going to court to face him and being told off by the judge.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/ConsciousFlight7402 on 2023-09-17 16:12:12.

So, long story short, I (28F) have always been on the outs with my family, particularly my sister, Jenna (32F). When we were kids, Jenna was the golden child. She was always praised for her achievements, while I struggled to find my place in the family. Over the years, I’ve come to terms with this dynamic and have since built a life for myself.

For the past 6 years, Jenna had cut me out of her life completely. She didn’t invite me to family events, birthdays, and we even missed Christmas together. I found out from mutual friends that she was speaking poorly of me behind my back. My attempts to reconcile were ignored.

Recently, I was lucky enough to have a startup take off. I am now financially well-off, which has drastically changed my life. Out of the blue, Jenna reached out to me, apologizing for the past and expressing her desire to rekindle our relationship. I was hesitant but open to the idea.

A few weeks into our “rekindled” relationship, she shared that she’s getting married next year. She mentioned that her dream wedding would be costly, and she and her fiancé couldn’t afford it. She hinted several times that it would be a “nice gesture” if I could chip in, suggesting it could be my “wedding gift” to her.

I told her I needed to think about it. My partner believes it’s just a ploy to get money from me. I want to believe Jenna’s intentions are genuine, but it’s hard to ignore the timing.

AITA for not wanting to pay for my sister’s dream wedding after years of being excluded from her life?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Federal-Resolve5292 on 2023-09-17 15:28:35.

So I’ve been married to my husband for 3 years. I have a 22 years old daughter from a previous marriage but she moved out and my husband has a daughter too who’s 19 years old let’s call her Juliet and she also has a child. She got pregnant when she was 17 and her child is now 2 years old. She used to live with her mother in a different state when she was in high school but now moved to our state for university.

Now this is a problem because her mother won’t move with her and the Juliet will have to attend University now this child cannot be left alone while she is attending her stuff and also studying. My husband said he’ll rent her a place on his part but during mornings and afternoons I baby sit the child and when Juliet finishes her classes she’ll pass by and take the kid. I said no I am not in the mental state to handle a child.

I work but from home mostly as I own a business that I organize and might go to the company 2 days a week or something so my life could be described as the “peaceful life” as I am my own boss and despite having commitments I am mostly in control but I didn’t achieve that for free. I worked my ass off in the past just to achieve this life. Having to take care of a child will disturb all of that and I know better how draining children are as much as I love my daughter I went through hell back then. No I do not regret having my daughter, back then I was young and wanted to have her but I am not going to overlook the disastrous aspects of being around children and I really don’t wanna relive that again because my stepdaughter Juliet decided to have unprotected sex yet wants to live her life while I get to handle her problems so she would shine.

My husband goes to work so he can’t handle the child and asks me to do it because I don’t go outside all the times but I told him no not my problem this won’t be good for me or the child. He proceeded to call me selfish and told me “what if it was your daughter“ I simply told him that asking me this puts him in bad light because yes I will handle my daughter’s problems because I am her parent. He is Juliet’s parent yet he is deflecting the responsibility on me. Her mother too is getting herself out of the picture. I never throw my daughter’s problems on him.

I also told him he could get her a nanny or put the kid in on of those nurseries but he refused saying that’s too much money when he is already paying her rent and tuition. Yesterday I straight told him that he and her mother should try to solve this situation and leave me out of the equation because I am not gonna help and that Juliet is not an orphan she has both her parents living them 3 should solve this out without trying to drop the whole thing on me and they live their lives to the fullest.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/khakipantsluvr on 2023-09-17 15:11:35.

My sister Rae F42 was trying to have a kid for a long time but struggled with infertility. After years of trying and money spent on fertility clinics, she finally had a “miracle baby”, Sue F12. Since Rae and her husband view Sue’s existence as a miracle, they treat her as one. From the time she could vocalize her wants, she got everything she wanted. As a result, Sue is kind of a nightmare. Whenever our family gets together, we have to do whatever she wants. We have to eat whatever she wants to eat, watch whatever movies she wants to watch, and we can’t do anything outside even though the rest of the family loves the outdoors, because Sue hates nature and will literally scream if she gets so much as a speck of dirt on her shoe. We had to stop doing Christmas together because she would throw tantrums if my kids got something she wanted.

I keep telling Rae that she is only setting Sue up for failure by spoiling her. Sue has no friends at her school because she doesn’t understand that other kids aren’t going to give her whatever she wants because they don’t see her as a miracle the way her parents do. She also has a bunch of mannerisms that other kids that age grew out of years ago. She still picks her nose in public, still whines and whimpers when things don’t go her way, still shops at Justice, and still believes in Santa and the Easter Bunny. Rae won’t listen to me, and says I should let kids be kids, ignoring the fact that Sue will be a teenager soon.

Last weekend we were all gathered at my parents’ house and Sue was writing a letter to Santa like she did every year. Of course, it was pages and pages long with a list of the most outrageous things a 12 year old could think of. I wasn’t planning on saying anything–I never do–but one day, while Rae was away, Sue and my son Finn M9 came running to me. Sue clearly had been crying and Finn looked rather smug. They both asked me if Santa was real. Normally Sue would never ask me to resolve issues, but her parents weren’t there, and I wasn’t going to coddle her the way her parents did. I said Santa wasn’t real.

The minute Rae got home, Sue ran to her crying and screaming that I told her Santa wasn’t real. Rae tried to calm her down and told her of course Santa was real and I was lying. When Rae put Sue down for a nap (yes, you read that right), she scolded me. She said I had no business trying to parent her child. I then told her that she wasn’t parenting her child so someone had to. Maybe the first step to self awareness for her is learning Santa isn’t real. I was hoping Rae would wake up and see the reality of the situation, but now she’s just ignoring my texts and calls. When I told my husband about everything, he wasn’t as supportive as I thought he would be. He agrees Sue is unbearable, but it’s not my place to fix that, and what I did probably did more harm than good. Should I have just said Santa was real and not gotten involved in this situation?

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/banananmuffin on 2023-09-17 14:32:58.

I (27F), Filipina, have been living in NY since 2014. I went to nursing school here, graduated last 2018, started working on the same year, and have been a CRNA for almost 3 years now. I met my partner (30M, Marco) through a mutual friend and we've been dating for almost 4 years now. My family has met my bf a couple of times when they would visit me here in NY.

A little family background: both of my parents (57M, 49F) are surgeons in the Philippines and they still give financial support to their respective family from time to time. My aunt (dad's sister) is heavily dependent on my dad- she's a SAHM, her husband doesn't work full time, and they have 3 kids (2 in college). My dad would give her Php 30k per month and it's still not enough for her. While my dad can give more, I still have 3 younger siblings (1 who has special needs) who are studying and my parents are also saving for retirement, so dad refuses to give more than that.

A week ago, Marco and I went to the Philippines so he can formally ask my parents' permission to marry me. My whole family and some relatives were there and it was a sweet and fun dinner. We went for to a restaurant for desserts and while waiting for our orders, we were talking about some wedding plans and Marco and I told my parents that while we don't have a specific date yet (planning to get married late next year) we plan to get married in CA. We asked my parents to be present; and for my relatives, we told them they are welcome to join us but we can only afford to pay for max 1 week of accommodation for 20 adults and they will be paying for their own plane fare, food, visa, etc. This is where the night started to turn bad: my aunt said that she can't afford to buy tickets and get visas for 5 people and that we should just sponsor her. We replied that we can't do that since we are paying everything for the wedding and we don't wish to go over our budget. My parents also explained to her that while we would love to have them, we are not forcing her to spend that much money. My aunt then said (roughly translated to English equivalent): "Marco is a foreigner, I'm sure he can afford to pay for us." I quickly shut her down, but she continued with "You're marrying a foreigner, but he can't afford to do that for us? Is he not rich? Foreigners have a lot of money. If he can't afford to do that, why marry him? Marry someone rich." I was floored and ashamed and I told her that people like her, who sees foreigners as money, are the reason why foreigners think Filipinas are gold diggers. I said that out loud in front of my other relatives and some customers for sure heard it. Aunt was humiliated and walked out. Desserts forgotten.

What happened spread like wildfire with the rest of the relatives. My family agreed with what I said but a couple of my relatives agreed with my aunt and that what I said have caused a rift in our family dynamics. They told me I should have just told her in person and not in a public place. So, AITA?

EDIT for clarifications: Aunt's husband used to work full time before the pandemic. Husband is a good man but both of them made poor financial choices. When the pandemic happened, he was one of the thousands who lost their jobs. He has not been working full time since then. Idk if he plans to work full time again. Since 2020, my dad has been giving my aunt's family Php30,000/month. A redditor has explained in the comments the value of that amount.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Jazzlike_Side8923 on 2023-09-17 12:13:35.

It's Hurricane Lee, our governor, news media, etc., has been warning our state for the past week. I am taking care of my special need grandson who is non-verbal. During the transition of having my grandson live with me, I had to install the Internet, he needs his tablet. My grandson's parents are out of the picture and he is going through a difficult transition.

Whenever I have lost power my DIL, has always told me that I have an "open invitation" to their house, plus they have a generator. Come over, come over...even if I had power, come over anytime. I'm welcomed anytime.

Remember, I have no power, no Internet connection and no wifi phone. I packed an overnight bag for my autistic grandson along with food that he likes to eat. Idk how long we will be without power.

I show up, DIL, is quiet. She tells me that my 40 yr old son had to take their two younger sons out so she can have alone time. I apologize that we messed up her time. I asked her if she had everything running on the generator and she said no.

After her movie, she does a few things and hides in her bedroom. This is the FIRST time that she met her nephew, no interest on her part to even to get to know him.

My son called me while I was at their house and said today was my DIL alone time and said I shouldn't just show up without calling. I told him I had no power, no wifi phone. He hung up on me after I had told him, I thought I had an open invitation.

He tells me by text that McDonald's has Wi-Fi and by the time he comes home, he is shutting off his power to his house so no Wi-Fi for his nephew. He has his two other sons sneak upstairs and not to talk to me while we are sitting in the dark.

I used the flashlight on my phone to go upstairs to say goodnight to my grandsons, as I get upstairs my DIL tells the boys to be quiet. I told my grandsons goodnight and gave them each a hug & kiss. I'm told that I'm just rowling my grandsons up, it's 7:30 PM.

They kicked us out in the rain with no lights on in the house to see. We were only there for 1.5 hours and my lights came back on by that time at my address. Normally, when we lose power, it's for days. I had texted a friend and asked if she could drive by my residence because my son has lied to me in the past. She and her husband offered us to come over in the middle of the night, if we lost power again.

AITA in thinking that my son and DIL wouldn't mind for showing up in bad weather when we had no power.

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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Djivee on 2023-09-17 09:02:24.

For Context, I (16 male) come from a poor single-mother household with two younger siblings. Let’s call them Davion (13 male) and Jayda (11 female).

Jayda and Davion are very irresponsible and destructive, (Davion more so than Jayda) with everything they touch, and the worst part about that is they don’t care because they know our mother will defend them and make my belongings the scapegoat.

For example, we recently lived in a shitty apartment and everyone slept on air mattresses. My mother had one for her and her boyfriend at the time, I had my own, and my siblings had to share an air mattress. We went through at least 4 air mattresses because my siblings kept putting holes in theirs and each time I had to share mine which was very aggravating and frustrating. I don’t care how cold it sounds, they should’ve had to sleep on the floor and I guarantee that would’ve taught them to be more responsible. However, this kept going on till Davion and Jayda put a hole in my air mattress and my mom’s boyfriend gave me one of his that he stored at his parent’s house.

During that time, my mother bought Davion and Jayda and new air mattress, and by now you should know how that story went. They punctured both mine — the mattress my mom’s bf gave me — and their air mattress. This really pissed me off, so I confronted my mom about it and she said “You need to stop being so damn selfish and stop always thinking about you, I’m not letting my kids sleep on the floor”.... Of course this was the answer I was expecting, so I didn’t press the issue.

Fast forward to now, we live in a much better apartment and my mom is doing better financially. Other than that, everything is still the same. Recently, Davion broke my mother’s tv and instead of punishing him, she took their tv and put it in her room and told me that I would have to let him and my sister use my tv whenever they wanted to. That was my final straw, I told her “No ma’am, I’m not doing that and they can sit and stare at the wall for all I care. You always make me share what I got because they can’t take care of anything you give them.” and as expected she gave me the usual “You’re so selfish and self-centered lecture” and she sprinkled in the “I bought it so it’s mine.”

I said, “Okay then, take the tv and I'll get my own…” I did, and that seemed to have angered my mom even more, with her saying “You just think you’re better than everybody” and I said “Nah, I’m just better than your other two kids” and that cut her deep. I can tell from the look she gave me and how angrily she yelled at me afterward. But I didn’t care, it felt good to say and I got a brand new tv so it’s a win-win for me. Hopefully, now, she’ll make my siblings be responsible because she knows my belongings are off the table.