So this story takes place in 2004.
I'm 21, living in my first apartment. I have two cats. Speed, and Karmalee.
Speed is the dominant cat, and Karmalee was like her backseat driver wife.
When it came to feeding time, I had to put Speed in the bathroom every morning. I would give each cat half a can of wet cat food. Then there was a dry cat food feeder to munch on all day.
Well, the way Karmalee wanted to eat, was she'd eat half her half a can of cat food, and wanted to come back and eat the other half later in the day.
Speed on the other hand wanted to eat all her half of cat food, and then would bully Karmalee to start eating her half too. Then she'd beg me for more cans.
So when I saw this, I started putting Speed in the bathroom. I'd let Karmalee eat first until she was done. I'd put both plates down.
Karmalee would eat half her plate. Not touch Speeds plate, and walked away. I said to her "Are you sure you wanna walk away? I'm going to let Speed out. You KNOW she's going to eat your food. You wanna eat some more? No? Ok. I'm giving you fair chance here....."
And then I would let Speed out. Who raced down the hallway at lightning speed. One time she ran so fast that when she tried stopping, she realized claws don't grip tile, and she slammed herself pretty hard into the cabinets. From then on, she still ran, but she slowed down a bit when she got to the kitchen.
Well one day, I give Karmalee her food. We do our little "you done?" routine. I go to let Speed out of the bathroom. She runs down the hall as usual. And when I get into the living room I hear Speed howling in the kitchen. I walk in confused, and see a mouse is standing on top of Speeds wet food, eating it. Speed is crying at me like "DAAAAAAD!!!! HE'S EATING MY FOOOOOOD!!!!!". So I say "What are you looking at me for? You always want extra food! That's protein right there! Get that mouse!"
Mouse hasn't budged. Chowing down. Speed looking at me to save the day.
So I put on 2 oven mitts on each hand, and pick the whole dish up. Mouse still doesn't budge. I tell my girlfriend "open the front door, and hold it open, I'm coming in hott!!!"
She has no idea what I'm yelling about when I quickly storm into the room and say "GET THE DOOR! LETS GO!" She looks over and sees the mouse and screams. I say "Less screaming, more door holding". She races over and opens the door. I walk outside and throw the whole dish in the street. Mouse never budged, and even in the road she just ate food while I picked up the plastic dish and went back inside.
I went back over to Speed and had a talk with her. I said "So you're supposed to be the big cat of the house? Where's your hunting skills? You know back in the 90s, we had a cat named Sunny. Outdoor cat. Real tough cat. That cat could hunt a gazelle I'm sure. You cried over a mouse! That's free bonus food! Where's your hunger?"
Of coarse none of my words landed since cats don't speak English. Had to open half a can of food, since I just threw Speeds food into the street.
Then I came back into the living room, Karmalee is sitting on my girlfriends lap, on the couch. She just heard what I said to Speed. So she just asks "Did you really just lecture the cat?"
And I said "Her name is Speed, and yes I did. How else is she supposed to learn?"
Then I turn my head to Karmalee and say "And just where were you during all this? Speed always bullies you for food. You could have taken dominant cat spot if you just hunted the mouse. Then Speed would be scared of you.
But Karmalee was never going to hunt anything. She's spoiled and dainty.
This was all over 20 years ago. Both cats have since passed, and I haven't lived there since 2006. Haven't spoken to that girlfriend since 2006.
I just remembered the time I literally threw a mouse out of my apartment.
