Tomorrow I'm pitching my report on why Russia invaded to the daily telegraph: They discovered Blackstone pylons in Odessa, which they're going to use to extend the range of the Korean necromancers. They'll need to be deployed alongside Russian warlocks, who summon hordes to swarm the brave Aryan peoples of Europe, and the necromancers will resurrect them, since Russia can't fight a war without 100:1 casualties.