Awesome work getting an assessment. I was affirmatively assessed last year, have been going through focused counseling on what that actually means, and after a year I’ve almost fully controlled my biggest stress tics of nail chewing, and pulling out hair (eyebrows specifically lol). My nail chewing was very bad to the point of basically having open wounds constantly. What’s been working for me is a number of things.

1. In counseling, acknowledging that it’s a harmful behavior and understanding why- for me that was hearing that it’s an easy way to get infections and to spread germs into your mouth. I’ve chewed my nails my whole life and recall as an undiagnosed child only ever hearing it framed as if it were some sort of moral failing of willpower. If it were explained logically that it’s a behavior that, although temporarily soothing, can actively hurt you and therefore is something to avoid, I would have been able to internalize that over time, rather than the shame surrounding it.

2. Looking at it from the lens of the root causes. Hand to mouth is a big stress relief for me- that includes smoking, vaping, drinking, nail chewing etc. Stepping back and recognizing that was an important common thread. This was where, when under duress, I start acknowledging those impulses (because I’m a huge dork literally saying “I recognize that you’re an impulse and you have no control over me” either in my head or out loud if I’m alone lol) and in turn taking away the “mindless” portion of the behavior.

3. Now to your actual question of stims! Sometimes it’s not enough, when the background brain-screaming is particularly draining, I need something to do with my hands. a. Travel nail kit. Unfortunately growing up as a poor, undiagnosed, cishet male in the us i was not ever taught about the importance of keeping your nails healthy. Fortunately it’s relatively inexpensive to get a pack of emery boards, fingernail trimmers, etc. I keep them at all of my work areas in addition to the bathroom. Having hang nails or irregular portions of my nail was something that would nag me, until I chewed it off, but all this was doing was continuing the cycle. By trimming and filing my nails such that I don’t notice them, I literally simply forget about something that was a major tic for decades. b. Pick pads and putty. I bought a silicone pick pad on Etsy where you pick out beads from silicone, then you can melt the silicone pour it on the beads and do it again. Loved the picking, loved the beads, not a chance in hell I’m gonna have the mental availability to remelt the silicone lol so it gathers dust. But I dumped the beads into my favorite stim- silly putty! There are brands that come with things in them, but I found that getting cheap putty and putting fun beads (or dry rice) in it is my favorite. You can pick the beads out, squish it like a stress ball, throw it, etc. For me this was the winner. c. My partner busted me for smoking, and on top of being a bit pissed, she got me one of these: ( https://pranavida.co/en-ch/products/the-breath-vessel ). It’s nice! I can do the soothing hand to mouth movement of smoking, but redirected into a breath control practice instead. It works like a charm for snapping me out of stress fixation. d. I’ve also tried: various grip trainers (my favorite is a silicone rubber ring). Stress balls (I tend to get too stressed and destroy these). Kneaded erasers. Silent-clicking pens. Bitter nail polish ( don’t). Beaded bracelets (I REALLY like these, but I have massive hands and the stretch cord always breaks :/ ). I’ve also had good luck with 3d printed fidget rings (but again fidget too hard and break them). A “Simpl Dimpl” key chain. “Worry” stones

TLDR- My key experiences are:

• exploring the “why” behind the behavior, understanding the impulse, acknowledging the impulse is normal but doesn’t need to be acted upon or can be redirected
• General nail care. Over this past year I’ve grown nails for the first time in my memory. I enjoy the stimulation of cleaning, filing, and trimming and the feedback loop is that I literally forget they exist most of the time. Also cuticle oil feels incredible.
• Try different combinations of stim toys until you find what speaks to you. I’ve mentioned a number of typical options, but it can be literally anything to keeps you stimulated. Like I said, my favorite is putty with beads in it.

And FINALLY since you’re in the process of being assessed for things, I assume that means you’ve spent at least some part of life trying to painfully cram into the NT box. And while I’ve always felt a disconnect from the NT community, I’ve experienced nothing but compassion from ND folks on this site and irl. So bear in mind this is the start of a journey to better understand and love yourself, and know we’ve all got your and each others backs.