My object permanence is fucked so i usually lose them. Chewlery was good for me not munching on those soda bottle ring things though. I chewed on it too much and reqlly hurt my jaw

Awesome work getting an assessment. I was affirmatively assessed last year, have been going through focused counseling on what that actually means, and after a year I’ve almost fully controlled my biggest stress tics of nail chewing, and pulling out hair (eyebrows specifically lol). My nail chewing was very bad to the point of basically having open wounds constantly. What’s been working for me is a number of things.

1. In counseling, acknowledging that it’s a harmful behavior and understanding why- for me that was hearing that it’s an easy way to get infections and to spread germs into your mouth. I’ve chewed my nails my whole life and recall as an undiagnosed child only ever hearing it framed as if it were some sort of moral failing of willpower. If it were explained logically that it’s a behavior that, although temporarily soothing, can actively hurt you and therefore is something to avoid, I would have been able to internalize that over time, rather than the shame surrounding it.

2. Looking at it from the lens of the root causes. Hand to mouth is a big stress relief for me- that includes smoking, vaping, drinking, nail chewing etc. Stepping back and recognizing that was an important common thread. This was where, when under duress, I start acknowledging those impulses (because I’m a huge dork literally saying “I recognize that you’re an impulse and you have no control over me” either in my head or out loud if I’m alone lol) and in turn taking away the “mindless” portion of the behavior.

3. Now to your actual question of stims! Sometimes it’s not enough, when the background brain-screaming is particularly draining, I need something to do with my hands. a. Travel nail kit. Unfortunately growing up as a poor, undiagnosed, cishet male in the us i was not ever taught about the importance of keeping your nails healthy. Fortunately it’s relatively inexpensive to get a pack of emery boards, fingernail trimmers, etc. I keep them at all of my work areas in addition to the bathroom. Having hang nails or irregular portions of my nail was something that would nag me, until I chewed it off, but all this was doing was continuing the cycle. By trimming and filing my nails such that I don’t notice them, I literally simply forget about something that was a major tic for decades. b. Pick pads and putty. I bought a silicone pick pad on Etsy where you pick out beads from silicone, then you can melt the silicone pour it on the beads and do it again. Loved the picking, loved the beads, not a chance in hell I’m gonna have the mental availability to remelt the silicone lol so it gathers dust. But I dumped the beads into my favorite stim- silly putty! There are brands that come with things in them, but I found that getting cheap putty and putting fun beads (or dry rice) in it is my favorite. You can pick the beads out, squish it like a stress ball, throw it, etc. For me this was the winner. c. My partner busted me for smoking, and on top of being a bit pissed, she got me one of these: ( https://pranavida.co/en-ch/products/the-breath-vessel ). It’s nice! I can do the soothing hand to mouth movement of smoking, but redirected into a breath control practice instead. It works like a charm for snapping me out of stress fixation. d. I’ve also tried: various grip trainers (my favorite is a silicone rubber ring). Stress balls (I tend to get too stressed and destroy these). Kneaded erasers. Silent-clicking pens. Bitter nail polish ( don’t). Beaded bracelets (I REALLY like these, but I have massive hands and the stretch cord always breaks :/ ). I’ve also had good luck with 3d printed fidget rings (but again fidget too hard and break them). A “Simpl Dimpl” key chain. “Worry” stones

TLDR- My key experiences are:

• exploring the “why” behind the behavior, understanding the impulse, acknowledging the impulse is normal but doesn’t need to be acted upon or can be redirected
• General nail care. Over this past year I’ve grown nails for the first time in my memory. I enjoy the stimulation of cleaning, filing, and trimming and the feedback loop is that I literally forget they exist most of the time. Also cuticle oil feels incredible.
• Try different combinations of stim toys until you find what speaks to you. I’ve mentioned a number of typical options, but it can be literally anything to keeps you stimulated. Like I said, my favorite is putty with beads in it.

And FINALLY since you’re in the process of being assessed for things, I assume that means you’ve spent at least some part of life trying to painfully cram into the NT box. And while I’ve always felt a disconnect from the NT community, I’ve experienced nothing but compassion from ND folks on this site and irl. So bear in mind this is the start of a journey to better understand and love yourself, and know we’ve all got your and each others backs.

They help me. Before getting one I was absentmindedly chewing my nails, playing with knives, eating bookmarks, etc.

I bought one when they were a popular trend

I pick my cuticles too and also bite them if I am reading or focusing, I've done this all my life. I have found that stim toys do work to curb this a bit, but I tend to always end up doing it anyway, because if I feel something uneven in my cuticles it annoys me until I either pick it or cut it out.

In work meetings I crochet/knit which is a socially acceptable stim. I used to take lots of notes as well or doodle so I often have a pen and paper with me so I can do that if things get really boring.

I vape and used to smoke, which is definitely a stim. Don't recommend this one, because it's very hard to stop, I have accepted I probably never will. The small vape pen I also fiddle in my hand.

I have Chinese baodng balls on my desk to stim with too. But often I end up stimming with pens or my keychain/id card holder that makes a delicious snap if you play with it.

I tried a fidget spinner, but it didn't work for me. Doodling probably works best if I for instance have to focus in a long phone call and have nothing to do for my hands.

I have a variety of implements because I lose them and find them in waves. I keep something like a stress ball in my jacket pocket . I've got this cube with different clickers, switches etc on each face. I've got a fake cell phone that's just buttons. I've got those plastic popper (like reusable bubble wrap) on my keychain.

I work in a professional environment in a leadership position and I've almost always got a stress ball type thing in my hand being squished. Especially in meetings where I'm doing most of the talking. It lets me do a rhythmic action to regulate whatever is going on in my loud ass brain lol. It's also silent.

Others have said this but you just have to try things. Personally, I don't do well with the spinning magnet ones or the ones that are like the bike chains. Thankfully many of these things can be inexpensive. I've bought things from autism support websites and also from toy stores. They also make nice little treats for yourself lol.

I keep a tiny bean-filled squish toy on me at all times. It's practically silent when smooshed and has really helped with emotional dysregulation when my AuDHD gets overwhelming. I found a lady on etsy who hand makes them, and I've ordered a few different animals and sizes. One of the best gifts I've given myself. An example:

I lose them, but I have this pop socket thing on my phone that looks like a record and spins

I’m the same. I’ve used many and forget about them eventually. I used rubiks cubes constantly for a few years, but that was a more central interest. I fidget with random things for a day. I’ve used fidget spinners and putty and all sorts of stuff, but sooner or later I’m bored. I mean, they do the trick temporarily. Recently I made my own silicone “picky pads.” They’re a fine activity to become absorbed in, possibly regulating, but they are not something to do in the background and don’t compare to cuticles. My current thing while reading is to spin a prayer wheel because Buddhism’s my special interest. Sorry this is a little pessimistic, I am very understimulated right now.

I have a deck of cards sitting at my desk. It gets replaced regularly when it gets worn out. I suggest that. "Cardistry" tricks are also cool. Just learning and doing a basic faro shuffle can be very satisfying. A few channels from magicians have some good fidget flourishes. Just be aware that when you start anything like this it'll seem like your fingers aren't long enough or right for this skill but that's not true, you just need practice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDpCxoSyqSc

Another option in the same vein is pen spinning and pen tricks. These are good because having a pen around is pretty basic so it's easy to keep it on you in almost any situation. Also, if you are good with this people in a meeting at work will think it kind of cool whereas if you have a toy you might get negatively judged.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCH5nKhVEkQ

One last benefit to this stuff is there is a rabbit hole you can hyper-fixate on especially with cardistry, which is one of the phew fun parts of having ADHD. At least for me. I love a good hyper-fixation.

I'm undiagnosed. I had a fidget spinner but I lost it. Also I got negative reactions from others who found it noisy and distracting. So mostly I spin pens and learn pen tricks. It's more socially acceptable in the work place because it looks like I'm involved and I can pretend I'm taking notes (or actually take notes/doodle). Downside is that I chew on them and get ink all over things. I probably would look for something pen shaped and weighted.

I love my Rubiks cube, when I remember its a thing I can do to calm down. Also get better at it with time which is very satisfying.

I don't know if that's quite what you're looking for but it's the closest point of comparison for me.

My issue is i always forget about them 🫠

I had one that was like a keyring looped through one link of a bike chain, and the link has these rubber loops around it that you could rub and pick at and ypu could flip the rings around eachother it was SOOOO satisfying I wish I didn't lose it😩

This is it!

There are also other fidgets that are specific to skin pickers where you peel paint or other things off a sheet that some people seem to like, but I haven't tried it.

I really like these stones that are the size of a marble that are magnetic and I can roll them around eachother in my hand. I also really like fidget ring jewelry. I'm also autistic so your mileage may vary as to whether or not they are helpful/satisfying to you. Different people find different toys satisfying so you gotta try a few different types sometimes. Like those fidget spinners that were popular years back, just didn't get it.