All I get from the discourse:

Basic premises: -Abusive relationships exist and are bad (correct, agreed)

-Age gaps, which can represent differences in brain development and life experience, can produce / facilitate abusive relationships (correct, agreed)

My takes: -most of the fuckery of this discourse comes from people wanting to hash out specific and mostly arbitrary age gap limits and numbers, rather than the fundamental causes of abusive relationships (analogous to liberal class as income, vs marxist class as relationship to means of production)

-as I see it, the core of abusive relationships is not being able to leave when things get bad. Most relationships, particularly heterosexual ones, will have various "power imbalances" that are kind of unavoidable, but as long as people can leave if things get bad, that's not inherently a problem. In relationships, the power to safely terminate the relationship is kind of like ultimate power.