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submitted 3 months ago by max55@lemm.ee to c/memes@lemmy.world

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It happens more often than expected... 👀

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[-] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 months ago

If my partner is having an issue they can't properly express, how I am supposed to somehow magically know what they need? That's some Disney shit.

If my partner is upset, I will 100% try to find a solution with them. But if they get mad at me for not understanding what they feel because they don't understand it themselves, you bet that I won't let that roll.

And it's also okay to say "I'm upset and I don't know why exactly". It's a starting point to resolve the issue.

[-] horse_battery_staple@lemmy.world -2 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

It doesn't matter they can't initially properly express it. It matters that you create enough space for them to express frustration and help them work through it. Or you're always going to have to deal with them blowing up. Because they can't feel like they can talk to you. There's no pressure release valve.

But if they get mad at me for not understanding what they feel because they don’t understand it themselves, you bet that I won’t let that roll.

So you escalate the situation instead?

If they're just pissed, they're pissed. It's not personal. Unless you did indeed fuck up, then don't be defensive and figure out why. This isn't debate team, there are no points, there is no winner. You absolutely will have to "let it roll" so that that they feel confident in "letting it roll" when you're being irrational and frustrated.

Big caveat here of course when it comes to irrational anger, if it's abusive, leave the room|house|state if possible. Also, know that there are mutual aid networks to help with that. If you feel you're in an abusive relationship call the hotline.

https://www.thehotline.org/

[-] Croquette@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 months ago

I don't escalate, but I tell my partner that her behavior is not acceptable, and she does the same to me.

Being pissed isn't a free pass to be a dick to your partner. If they are pissed and they come to you, then they don't get to be pissy with you.

If they can't do that, they can go take a five and come back after. It's the same thing we teach children.

In the case I fucked up, I apologize and make amends. Again, it isn't a free pass for my partner to berate me.

And my partner expects the same from me.

[-] horse_battery_staple@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago

I think we're misunderstanding each other. You're using combattive and defensive language and then assuming that I'm allowing someone to berate me. That's different than what happens. There needs to be open communication about how your partner makes you feel and what language they use. But coming at this from a punitive or paternal angle is just ick.