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(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 21 May 2025
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You know, people underestimate how difficult it is to grab a goose that's flapping and pecking at your head
You can't keep your eyes open, unless you just enjoy having them poked by feathers or beaks. That isn't about pain, it's about the reality of eye injury being a very bad thing.
There's tricks we used in jujutsu that make use of that reflex. You make fast movements towards the eyes, particularly if you can get close enough to make air hit the eyes from the movement, and the eyes are closing, period. You can be ready for it, watching it come, and you'll still at least blink. It isn't voluntary.
Sure, you could stand there with your eyes closed, waiting for a chance to grab the bird that's battering you. It isn't going to kill you, it can't unless it gets really lucky and catches your carotid just right. But, while you're groping for that neck, you're getting your face bruised and scratched up. Punching or slapping doesn't do anything because they just move with it.
So, it's easier to give the bird what it wants: you away from its nest.
Edit: because I don't have the patience for malarkey.
It I had wanted to kill a goose, I could have drawn my firearm or a knife and done so. And yes, that would count as a win in some people's minds. But in my mind, the point wasn't to just kill birds for attacking me near their nests, even though I wasn't previously aware said nests existed. You live in farm country, sometimes you fish at farm ponds. Sometimes the local critters get frisky.
What you don't do when you have the privilege of fishing on private land is go around shooting anything at all, or killing the wildlife without express permission.
I wasn't hunting down a goose for some kind of grudge match. To the contrary, had I known ahead of time that geese has nested near the pond, I would have fucked right off, left them alone and found somewhere else to fish. But, you can't always see a nest on a casual look around. Hell, generally, the cows were more on my mind since they enjoyed pushing people in the water unless you spent the day scratching their itches for them.
I'm kind of amazed that anyone wanted to turn this casual and funny comment chain into a dick measuring contest, but here we are.
... Wear decent eye pro, face pro?
A paintball mask would probably be strong enough to work, to say nothing of a motorcycle helmet... many other options.
Or dedicate one of your arms to be defending your head at all times.
Yep, they're fast.
They are not faster than some human martial artists I've fought in kumite though.
But imo, a decently trained martial artist (probably not an average person) should be able to time basically a jab when it telegraphs its... head/neck jab, and just grab it.
Alternatively, if it rears up into some kind of flapping, intimidation stance... depending on how dedicated it is to that, a decently trained martial artist may be close enough, and fast enough, to just bum rush tackle the thing, just be good at blocking your face while doing so.
Also, in a hypothetical forced combat scenario... a reasonably healthy human can probably just entirely tank the hits and run out the goose's stamina.... admitedly, assuming you can keep it from going to water, or the air, somehow, lol.
... But like obviously yes, don't run around murdering geese, thats stupid, I'm just trying to game out a hypothetical forced combat situation here.
Also, in my experience, and where geese are, there are likely to also be some kind of nearby trees you could just break off a branch from, or grab a dead one on the ground, and smack the geese with it.
But this is all rather silly as you have to concoct a much more constrained and well defined scenario before you can more realistically evaluate it.
Dude, do you think I'm just driving around looking to fight geese? Why the hell would I be wearing gear like that to go fishing?
Also, you're talking hypotheticals. I'm talking about geese I've actually dealt with. I'm telling you, when a goose is up in your grill, flapping, kicking, and pecking, you aren't going to be landing precision punches. Your eyes will either be closed, or they'll be damaged to some degree, and if you do land a strike of some kind, it's a well feathered bird that's in the air.
You don't punch something like that and hurt it at all. What happens is you move it a little because it's got very flexible bones and joints. Now it's more scared and angry.
What works is taking a full arm swipe to knock it away, then leaving.
Ffs dude, I know this is a casual conversation here, but how many geese have you ever been attacked by?
I mean, I as well have been harassed in person by geese, and am not just entirely pulling what I am saying out of my ass, but you don't seem to either fundamentally agree with the feasibility of grabbing a goose, blocking attacks from a goose, or you don't want to entertain the hypotheticals.
You just assert a goose up in your face will cause you to close your eyes and panic... I dispute this.
You say you'e done jujutsu, I've fought a lot of people in katate kumite bouts... who have made use of similar attacks against the face, or just feints and misdirects, to take advantage of your reflex to close your eyese and wince... I've done this against other people as well... you learn to suppress that instinct to flinch, you learn when to duck and dodge and block, and alway, always, keep your eyes on your opponent.
Also, I brought up masks because, beyond being a very plausible counter to the goose's technique here, a good deal of katate training and tournament level karate kumite just actually involves full face masks for both combatants, as a safety measure.
...Maybe a whole gander, a pack would overwhelm you, but not a single one, no.
I also never said punching a goose would be an optimal strategy. I said grabbing one by the neck, not actually punching one, with the speed of a tight, light punch, a jab, could work.
You could also just kick them.
I genuienly don't know what you mean by a... full arm swipe?
You mean a haymaker?
I have never heard any martial artist (you said you'd done jujutsu) refer to any kind of formally taught attack with your arm and hand as a 'swipe'...
I've usually heard the term 'swipe' used dismissively or derisively to refer to a sloppy, poor form, unpracticed attack intended to damage via scratching with your nails... which would be silly against a feathered opponent, the feathers would utterly negate this.
I've attempted to look up 'full arm swipe' and:
Do you mean just almost but not quite locking the elblow and using basically a straight arm as in blocking in basketball?
Do you mean the breakdancing manuever called a swipe?