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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by work_towards@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/adhd@lemmy.world

When I challenge something the other person said then they get upset and we start arguing. But then they change their position to agree with me. And claim to have held the same position as I do from the start.

So now I am the asshole for arguing when we agree on everything!!

Everybody has ADHD and I don't think it's on purpose. I just won the argument very thoroughly and this is what it looks like. I feel like I have to get a written record of what the other person is saying before I respond so they don't accuse me of starting an argument over literally nothing.

(And I have 3rd party witness who confirms my view of the situation is not skewed.)

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[-] atrielienz@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago
[-] work_towards@lemmy.dbzer0.com 0 points 1 week ago

that's not what gaslighting means.

[-] atrielienz@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

You start a conversation by arguing. Once it becomes clear that your argument is not the winning argument you change your tune and act like it was not in fact your argument so you don't feel like you've lost.

This is literally you deliberately manipulating the situation in order to affect the other person's view of reality. That's the definition of gaslighting.

Edit: Just wanted to make it clear that when I say "you" I don't mean you, op. Just my way of phrasing the hypothetical.

[-] work_towards@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 week ago

I have no reason to believe it is deliberate. If it is deliberate, it is very poorly executed because my reality is unscathed. I think it is a self defense mechanism about the other person's internal stuff than it is about controlling or abusing me. It isn't abusive, so much as very very annoying.

this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2025
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ADHD

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